New to this
Notifications OFFI'm new to this site and don't know where to post so hope this is correct!
So 2.5yrs ago a tap up the door ended up being police arresting my partner of 20 years and father to my 3 children for downloaded indecent images online. It went to court and he didn't get prison he got suspended sentence and named on both registers. His incident happened thru an app and being sent an unknown link, clicking and auto downloaded to phone so it wasn't purposely looked for.
My life has been turned upside down and I have no idea how to live and move on, life is so hard and the few friends I had have dumped me becuSse I'm still with my partner. I had social services involved but they are happy with me and children are 100% safe but I don't know what happens to my life now? My kids are scared to death other kids will find out and say something. It was in the online news courts and was shared about the normal social media so everyone in our area knows.
I'm lost and have no idea who to talk too becuSse I have no one.
It would be lovely to speak to people who have been through the same thing.
I appreciate it xx
Welcome to the forum!
We wanted to reply as part of our more active presence here, and to acknowledge the strength it takes to share what you’re going through. We’re really glad you decided to write a post and share a bit about your situation and how you’re feeling — that’s not easy, especially when you’ve been carrying so much alone.
What you’re going through sounds incredibly tough, and it’s completely understandable to feel lost after so much sudden change and judgement. We’re really glad you reached out here. You’re not alone.
It’s also important to take care of yourself during all of this — even small moments of self-care can make a real difference when everything feels overwhelming.
This forum is here to support you. Many people find it helpful to connect through direct messages or by joining conversations on the open forum, and you’ll find others who have been through a similar situation.
Can you ask for some counselling through your GP? Or pay for some therapy? Call Samaritans (not just for suicidal people, they listen to any problems), or the helpline here?
You need support. We all do. Please explore ways you might get it. This nightmare takes its toll in so many ways and it is too much to shoulder on our own, so well done for posting here. Hopefully you will start to feel more supported.
Hi Raven, I’m so sorry that you and your family are going through this. It’s such a lonely place to be, especially when people around you don’t understand the situation and feel quick to judge.
Losing friends because you’ve chosen to stay with your partner must be incredibly painful. People often see things in very black and white terms, but the reality of a long relationship, a family, and shared history is far more complicated than that. Only you know your relationship and what is right for you and your children. The fact that social services have been involved and are satisfied that your children are safe should at least give you some reassurance that you are doing what you need to do as a parent.
Your children’s worries about other kids finding out are completely understandable. I have the same fears for my grandchildren. All you can really do is keep reassuring them that they are safe, loved, and that none of this is their fault. Schools can often be very supportive in situations like this if they are aware, and sometimes having a trusted adult there who understands can make a big difference for children.
My situation differs to yours in that my person is my son. But i remember those feelings of being lost, lonely and isolated and wondering how we could begin to move on. I was fortunate in that i found a mental wellbeing organisation in my local area and self referred to them. Two years on I've got a few people in my life who i can talk to about my situation and in turn I try to make sure I'm there for others as I've learned what hopelessness and isolation feel like.
You are carrying a huge amount right now, supporting your children, processing your own emotions, and dealing with the reactions of others. None of that is easy. You dont have to do this alone though, there are people who can help you.