Where do I even begin.....
Notifications OFF
So, long post coming so please bear with me. New to the forum also.
My husband was approached by vigilantes on our doorstep 2 weeks ago. Husband was subsequently arrested by police and is now on bail, yet to be charged.
He had been on a chat group and was chatting to various people, 1 being a 'girl of 14', although it turned out to be the vigilantes ( not being a real person doesn't make any of this any different, he still did what he did). Videos are on social media.
Other facts ...... I work with children (lado have cleared me, work will accept me back), I have 2 children of my own, social services are involved, me and the children have also lost our home.
I'm basically looking for anyone who is in my boat or has been through this to the end. I've so many questions. So much confusion. I just need to be able to speak to people in similar positions to get a grip of what's happened and how on earth am I going to deal with this.
My husband was approached by vigilantes on our doorstep 2 weeks ago. Husband was subsequently arrested by police and is now on bail, yet to be charged.
He had been on a chat group and was chatting to various people, 1 being a 'girl of 14', although it turned out to be the vigilantes ( not being a real person doesn't make any of this any different, he still did what he did). Videos are on social media.
Other facts ...... I work with children (lado have cleared me, work will accept me back), I have 2 children of my own, social services are involved, me and the children have also lost our home.
I'm basically looking for anyone who is in my boat or has been through this to the end. I've so many questions. So much confusion. I just need to be able to speak to people in similar positions to get a grip of what's happened and how on earth am I going to deal with this.
Hi mind blown ,
I am 5 weeks in , I can only say you will experience so many emotions, ups and downs , you will feel hurt , betrayed and lots more ;
first thing to accept ! None of this is your fault and you could not have known, mine was got by vigilantes at work , and was live streamed all over be places , it's been shared 1800 times ,
for me I kicked him out that night , as originally he thought he was chatting to a 22 year old , so cheating on my book , because of this I am lucky I have had no back lash from anyone only support , however if you chose to stay with him that can only be your choice ,
reach out on here as much as you like as we are all at different stages of this crappy journey xx
I am 5 weeks in , I can only say you will experience so many emotions, ups and downs , you will feel hurt , betrayed and lots more ;
first thing to accept ! None of this is your fault and you could not have known, mine was got by vigilantes at work , and was live streamed all over be places , it's been shared 1800 times ,
for me I kicked him out that night , as originally he thought he was chatting to a 22 year old , so cheating on my book , because of this I am lucky I have had no back lash from anyone only support , however if you chose to stay with him that can only be your choice ,
reach out on here as much as you like as we are all at different stages of this crappy journey xx
Hi Mindblown,
I'm so sorry you've joined us here. I feel for you. I'm still trying to understand it all, see my last post. The more I learn the more I think these vigilantes are taking on the weak and vulnerable, trapping them and basking in the glory. They do not think about anyone but themselves. If they were doing this above the law, they would not stream their stings. They would wait for conviction. I would like to hear from people in our position who have got through this hell, and what the outcomes were.
i hope your family friends and neighbours are being kind and supporting you. Take yourself off social media and look after yourself and your children. Big hugs. X
I'm so sorry you've joined us here. I feel for you. I'm still trying to understand it all, see my last post. The more I learn the more I think these vigilantes are taking on the weak and vulnerable, trapping them and basking in the glory. They do not think about anyone but themselves. If they were doing this above the law, they would not stream their stings. They would wait for conviction. I would like to hear from people in our position who have got through this hell, and what the outcomes were.
i hope your family friends and neighbours are being kind and supporting you. Take yourself off social media and look after yourself and your children. Big hugs. X
Ellen, I have read many of your posts as I've been looking through and I think we are In a very similar boat. You seem to be the one who relates to my predicament the most. How on earth have you got through the last 5 weeks? 2 weeks in and I'm one hell of a broken person, unable to process much at all and the emotions are overwhelming (crying cause traffic lights are red etc). Seen the doc and getting sorted but jeeze I can see no end to this.
I actually cannot see the end to this. The anxiety is ridiculous. I cant even begin to digest properly what he did...... the vigilantes ...... they have destroyed any chance of me and the boys staying under the radar. Life is super scary. I'm feeling very alone and lost and I'm terrified of what's to come for me and my children but also for him. Are we forever going to live in the wake of his actions?
I've spent the last 2 weeks sorting finances to make sure we will be ok ish , registering with the council to find a home. I got signed off work for 3 weeks too. And now I'm just waiting for something, anything to fall into place I've crumbled, completely fallen flat on my face unable to know what to do or how to move just a tiny step forward. I just dont know what to do.
I actually cannot see the end to this. The anxiety is ridiculous. I cant even begin to digest properly what he did...... the vigilantes ...... they have destroyed any chance of me and the boys staying under the radar. Life is super scary. I'm feeling very alone and lost and I'm terrified of what's to come for me and my children but also for him. Are we forever going to live in the wake of his actions?
I've spent the last 2 weeks sorting finances to make sure we will be ok ish , registering with the council to find a home. I got signed off work for 3 weeks too. And now I'm just waiting for something, anything to fall into place I've crumbled, completely fallen flat on my face unable to know what to do or how to move just a tiny step forward. I just dont know what to do.
Tabs,
Those who know seem to be caring and kind and considerate. Social media is locked right down and I haven't brought myself to look for a good week now. The rumours are spreading but noone knows the story and as much as I wanna stand up and tell them the truth, all the bits that piece his fatal mistake together is none of their business and would attract attention to me and my children.
Lost and exhausted.
Those who know seem to be caring and kind and considerate. Social media is locked right down and I haven't brought myself to look for a good week now. The rumours are spreading but noone knows the story and as much as I wanna stand up and tell them the truth, all the bits that piece his fatal mistake together is none of their business and would attract attention to me and my children.
Lost and exhausted.
Hey,
the first 2 weeks went by in a blur of alcohol, shame, no sleep and shock, in these 2 weeks I did all the practical things , like closed bank accounts , sorted finances, started divorce proceedings, Went doctors initially for a sick note but I just broke down, so got some antidepressants, which have stopped my mind working and allowed me to sleep,
week 3 and with the tablets in me I am now going through all the different emotions, I wanted to contact the vigilantes for prof of what they had done (DO NOT DO THIS) as they reel you in pretending to be your friend but they are just after gossip, week 4 I was up and down , but I would say lean on the people who know , which thanks to the live stream was everyone in my town, don't be on your own , or for as little as possible , and just do each hour at a time ,
monday I was so sad , and wanted him back and ignore what he had done , and then my head kicked in and I realised that if he came back would I ever trust him (NO), he chose to disrespect me doing what he did , and that I will get through this at some point ,
I write a daily journal, just how I feel each day and I can rant In it as only I read it , but it's good to read back over and see tour progression xx
the first 2 weeks went by in a blur of alcohol, shame, no sleep and shock, in these 2 weeks I did all the practical things , like closed bank accounts , sorted finances, started divorce proceedings, Went doctors initially for a sick note but I just broke down, so got some antidepressants, which have stopped my mind working and allowed me to sleep,
week 3 and with the tablets in me I am now going through all the different emotions, I wanted to contact the vigilantes for prof of what they had done (DO NOT DO THIS) as they reel you in pretending to be your friend but they are just after gossip, week 4 I was up and down , but I would say lean on the people who know , which thanks to the live stream was everyone in my town, don't be on your own , or for as little as possible , and just do each hour at a time ,
monday I was so sad , and wanted him back and ignore what he had done , and then my head kicked in and I realised that if he came back would I ever trust him (NO), he chose to disrespect me doing what he did , and that I will get through this at some point ,
I write a daily journal, just how I feel each day and I can rant In it as only I read it , but it's good to read back over and see tour progression xx
Welcome mindblown, sending you huge hugs at this crappy time. It is early days and I can only say this journey is a rollercoaster all of us here are supportive and non judgemental. You don't say if you are still with your partner, but you will have read some are staying and supporting others have decided to leave. I have decided as some others have to not make a decision about deciding. The ball is in your court. Please just take each day as it comes and not look too far in the future although this journey may take a long time before its conclusion. Please keep coming back and posting and if you haven't already call the helpline you may find them useful.
stay strong x
stay strong x
I had to separate from husband. Due to potential backlash. It is safer for me for him not to be around. I also couldn't bear to look at him. I'm not making any decisions until I know everything. Including police investigation. I am conflicted. At the moment can see no future. But heart won't let me stop caring.
Ellen, you are so brave contacting the vigilantes. I couldn't do it. I actually thoroughly despise them. That they could destroy the families, and dismiss us as collateral damage, and say 'it's your hubbie that did it'.No, is much rather deal with this in private and with him working and pulling his weight. Not to have my whole life destroyed.
i agree with writing journal to get thoughts out. This forum acts a bit like that. It's so good to be able to interact with people who have or are going through the same feelings. Riding that huge wave, hoping it will soon just be a ripple.
big hugs to you all. xxx
Ellen, you are so brave contacting the vigilantes. I couldn't do it. I actually thoroughly despise them. That they could destroy the families, and dismiss us as collateral damage, and say 'it's your hubbie that did it'.No, is much rather deal with this in private and with him working and pulling his weight. Not to have my whole life destroyed.
i agree with writing journal to get thoughts out. This forum acts a bit like that. It's so good to be able to interact with people who have or are going through the same feelings. Riding that huge wave, hoping it will soon just be a ripple.
big hugs to you all. xxx
I chose to end the relationship with my husband. It's just something that cannot be repaired. It wasn't just what he has done, there was a drug habit, big drug habit I knew nothing about and the debt, oh the debt. So much deceit! He only had to talk to me..... I could and would have helped but the reason I've landed up on this site is far far far too far for me to help him.
It certainly helps to know there are others out there, going through similar things.
It certainly helps to know there are others out there, going through similar things.