Confused.
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It’s been nearly 3 weeks since I got what some of you call the knock, except that it wasn’t I came home from having tea with a friend to find 2 female police officers in my home instead of my partner of nearly 7 and a half years, they’d searched the house, they told me to sit down obviously looking at the look of confusion and disbelief on my face, then proceeded to tell me my partner had been arrested for online grooming and going to meet a minor. Except it wasn’t, it was a police officer all along he’d been stung.
That’s when the world I knew fell apart, seems like I’ve been through every emotion possible, disbelief, anger at how he could do this and destroy what I thought was a perfect life, sadness at what we’d lost, sadness for him.
He is currently on remand in prison charged with 4 charges (been told what they were but don’t think it sunk in)
Me and his family are currently trying to sell his beloved car to pay for legal costs because they say he won’t get legal aid because they can’t view his banking details. Which are stored on his phone which the police have seized and he doesn’t know his passwords without it. He will have lost his job. What a mess! Luckily for me the house is mine and we don’t have any children. Has anyone managed to set up a third party mandate for a family member while they are inside to help them with their banking??
I’ve spoken to him on the phone and been to visit him in prison, he is full of remorse for what he has done but can’t seem to explain why he did what he did, or who he thought he was talking to. I know a few of you on here have said about police tempting men and knowing what to say, but still no excuse for what he did. He was always into social media and watching stupid videos on YouTube so to me I didn’t see this coming.
He is also not coping well inside I fear he will try to harm himself ( think he’s already tried so it’s probably one reason why he wasn’t granted bail )
All he’s bothered about is us which I’m not sure there is an us now, I’d love to go back to how things were I loved him, we had a good life, great holidays but doubt these will happen again and not sure if could ever trust him again. I know some have you on here have stuck with your husbands/ partners has this been a good choice??
Also dreading if anything comes out in the press or social media I think this will have an impact on us all :-(
That’s when the world I knew fell apart, seems like I’ve been through every emotion possible, disbelief, anger at how he could do this and destroy what I thought was a perfect life, sadness at what we’d lost, sadness for him.
He is currently on remand in prison charged with 4 charges (been told what they were but don’t think it sunk in)
Me and his family are currently trying to sell his beloved car to pay for legal costs because they say he won’t get legal aid because they can’t view his banking details. Which are stored on his phone which the police have seized and he doesn’t know his passwords without it. He will have lost his job. What a mess! Luckily for me the house is mine and we don’t have any children. Has anyone managed to set up a third party mandate for a family member while they are inside to help them with their banking??
I’ve spoken to him on the phone and been to visit him in prison, he is full of remorse for what he has done but can’t seem to explain why he did what he did, or who he thought he was talking to. I know a few of you on here have said about police tempting men and knowing what to say, but still no excuse for what he did. He was always into social media and watching stupid videos on YouTube so to me I didn’t see this coming.
He is also not coping well inside I fear he will try to harm himself ( think he’s already tried so it’s probably one reason why he wasn’t granted bail )
All he’s bothered about is us which I’m not sure there is an us now, I’d love to go back to how things were I loved him, we had a good life, great holidays but doubt these will happen again and not sure if could ever trust him again. I know some have you on here have stuck with your husbands/ partners has this been a good choice??
Also dreading if anything comes out in the press or social media I think this will have an impact on us all :-(
Oh Flossy. I am so sorry you have joined us. I'm afraid I can't help re prison and banking. My biggest fear is mine going to prison. Sounds like you've been amazingly strong and brave. I was in pieces for weeks and incapable of dealing with anything!
My husband was trapped by vigilantes. You will find his story on another thread today. This whole world was new to me, as it is to all of us before we are suddenly thrown into it. He has to leave home straight away to protect both of us. As far as everyone knows, other than close friends, he is out of my life completely. I can't stop my feelings, but doubt I will ever feel o can trust him again, and that is no life for either of us. But I'm taking it slowly, as I can't throw away over 30 years of good marriage away without being really sure, if that makes sense.
Take good cate of yourself. I am 6 months in, and it's still hard. Good friends and this forum are helping me through. xx
My husband was trapped by vigilantes. You will find his story on another thread today. This whole world was new to me, as it is to all of us before we are suddenly thrown into it. He has to leave home straight away to protect both of us. As far as everyone knows, other than close friends, he is out of my life completely. I can't stop my feelings, but doubt I will ever feel o can trust him again, and that is no life for either of us. But I'm taking it slowly, as I can't throw away over 30 years of good marriage away without being really sure, if that makes sense.
Take good cate of yourself. I am 6 months in, and it's still hard. Good friends and this forum are helping me through. xx
Hi tabs,
your situation sounds awful too, vigilantes and having to separate because of this, 30 years together is a long time, I felt have I thrown away nearly 8 years of my life with this man.
I suppose it's early days for me there's all the court appearances his plea in a couple of weeks, which I think they've advised him to plead guilty for shorter sentence and it's his 1st offense, then the actual sentencing, dread to think what he might get. Like I said don't think he'll last inside. As much as I hate him for ruining not only mine but his own life, I don't want him to take his own life.
your situation sounds awful too, vigilantes and having to separate because of this, 30 years together is a long time, I felt have I thrown away nearly 8 years of my life with this man.
I suppose it's early days for me there's all the court appearances his plea in a couple of weeks, which I think they've advised him to plead guilty for shorter sentence and it's his 1st offense, then the actual sentencing, dread to think what he might get. Like I said don't think he'll last inside. As much as I hate him for ruining not only mine but his own life, I don't want him to take his own life.