1 month since the knock
Notifications OFF
So we got the knock a month ago which as you all turns your entire world upside down. When they said what they were there for OH immediately held his hand up. His explanation was that we were struggling for money, was waiting in a queue somewhere heard two people discussing how to make more money by down loading illegal images and selling on. Police took all his devices to send to forensics and he was arrested and is now currently on bail living elsewhere. I've been working closely with SW and safeguarding teams in both schools. My kids know an age appropriate version of what he said happened. Life has been hell. I have no family near me, a couple of close friends who know what's happened but others have just been told we have split up.
I have sort of been dealing with it but as you know there really isn't anywhere to go as such just loads of unanswered questions of what's actually happened, what will happen next. What did guys and maybes. Currently I am in work and kids in school 15 and 11 but before this they both struggled. Eldest with adhd which causes him a lot of tummy issues and youngest major anxiety. It's really hard now to get them to school and for me to try to juggle everything as I'm a complaints manager. Every day I'm dealing with my kids emotions. The SW have now agreed a first supervised visit in community this week which has Sent kids spiralling again. Eldest is looking forward to it but youngest is so angry this has happened he is struggling.
I keep jumping condition to emotion and think I have distanced myself from feeling anything. The kids and I are now struggling with the half truths we are having to tell people. Why dad isn't around, what's happened to my 20 year marraige. Why we all keep breaking down in school or work.
We are all so exhausted with this. None of us are sleeping, kids wake me up several times a night as upset and we are just at the start of this horrific journey.
I have ended the relationship with me and OH but said I will not stop him from seeing kids if they want to see him guided by SW.
Currently we are sitting the utility bills Tec and he keeps messaging me about this and that, sending love to kids several times a day, tell kids to watch this and that and it's noe getting too much
How has everyone dealt with all of this?
I have a good relationship with kids and we are very open and discuss all of this schools and SW have said that I'm doing an amazing job with kids but all I want to do and essentially today is cry
I have sort of been dealing with it but as you know there really isn't anywhere to go as such just loads of unanswered questions of what's actually happened, what will happen next. What did guys and maybes. Currently I am in work and kids in school 15 and 11 but before this they both struggled. Eldest with adhd which causes him a lot of tummy issues and youngest major anxiety. It's really hard now to get them to school and for me to try to juggle everything as I'm a complaints manager. Every day I'm dealing with my kids emotions. The SW have now agreed a first supervised visit in community this week which has Sent kids spiralling again. Eldest is looking forward to it but youngest is so angry this has happened he is struggling.
I keep jumping condition to emotion and think I have distanced myself from feeling anything. The kids and I are now struggling with the half truths we are having to tell people. Why dad isn't around, what's happened to my 20 year marraige. Why we all keep breaking down in school or work.
We are all so exhausted with this. None of us are sleeping, kids wake me up several times a night as upset and we are just at the start of this horrific journey.
I have ended the relationship with me and OH but said I will not stop him from seeing kids if they want to see him guided by SW.
Currently we are sitting the utility bills Tec and he keeps messaging me about this and that, sending love to kids several times a day, tell kids to watch this and that and it's noe getting too much
How has everyone dealt with all of this?
I have a good relationship with kids and we are very open and discuss all of this schools and SW have said that I'm doing an amazing job with kids but all I want to do and essentially today is cry
I didn't want to read and not reply.
I was lucky in that my kids were older than yours - both in their 20s with only one still at home. They were old enough to make their own decisions - which was to cut all contact - my youngest only did this when my husband of over 30 years was sent to prison
I let my husband stay at home for 10 months while I tried to decide on a course of action. Eventually a few weeks before his court appearance I told him it was over and like you the trust had gone and I couldn't deal with the lies and secrets. I'm naturally an open person and it was so hard keeping everything to myself - I explain it that it felt like my head was going to explode with it all
I would recommend counselling if you can arrange it. I was very sceptical but it really did help to speak to a stranger who listens and doesn't judge
I lost a lot of friends when it came out but those that stayed were the real friends
I'm almost 4 years down the line and life is finally good again
There is no right or wrong and it's normal to not know what to do - just be kind to yourself
I was lucky in that my kids were older than yours - both in their 20s with only one still at home. They were old enough to make their own decisions - which was to cut all contact - my youngest only did this when my husband of over 30 years was sent to prison
I let my husband stay at home for 10 months while I tried to decide on a course of action. Eventually a few weeks before his court appearance I told him it was over and like you the trust had gone and I couldn't deal with the lies and secrets. I'm naturally an open person and it was so hard keeping everything to myself - I explain it that it felt like my head was going to explode with it all
I would recommend counselling if you can arrange it. I was very sceptical but it really did help to speak to a stranger who listens and doesn't judge
I lost a lot of friends when it came out but those that stayed were the real friends
I'm almost 4 years down the line and life is finally good again
There is no right or wrong and it's normal to not know what to do - just be kind to yourself
First off, it sounds like you're doing an amazing job. Second, its a cliche, but it gets easier. You're all grieving right now - you're grieving the person you thought you knew. Third, I know it might not be possible, but is there a way your eldest could see his father while your youngest doesn't if he still doesn't want to? I know the logistics could be impossible with needing to supervise the meeting - SS approved my ex's parents to supervise, which at least gave me a back up.
You'll get there as a family of three. I still vividly remember the first little holiday we went on as a family of three - a few days in London about five months after the arrest. A felt like such a big milestone because we did it, together, and enjoyed it! Its a really happy memory now and I feel quite proud looking back two years down the road.
You'll get there as a family of three. I still vividly remember the first little holiday we went on as a family of three - a few days in London about five months after the arrest. A felt like such a big milestone because we did it, together, and enjoyed it! Its a really happy memory now and I feel quite proud looking back two years down the road.
It's very early days
ours took nearly 14 months from knock to court
I personally didn't know the whole truth until I sat in the court room
your stronger than you think
and this group will be a valuable source of support over the coming months
ours took nearly 14 months from knock to court
I personally didn't know the whole truth until I sat in the court room
your stronger than you think
and this group will be a valuable source of support over the coming months
Thank you guys. It's really just a minefield of emotions. I've ended up going off sick until I get my head sorted a bit and kids are hopefully emotionally a little bit more stable as my youngest was talking about wishing he wasn't here anymore and what does death feel like which is truly heartbreaking. I have spoken with his school safeguarding team and SW about how to support him best. Ps I am sorry about my dreadful typing, my phone keeps autocorrecting.
I found until the forensics came back (took 6 months) really difficult. I was and still am suffering with post natal depression. My brain just couldnt cope with it all. My brain wanted to run. I chose to stay because he never denied anything. But SS were pressuring and persuading me to investigate and due to my trauma I will shut down anything that feels like cohersion. Plus he got help. He knew he had done wrong and had messed up which did help a lot! But it was all still a lot! I still cry most days though despite us being post sentencing.
