1 week on
Notifications OFF
Sorry for the long post.
1 week on from the knock.
So last week I had a phonecall from my neighbour, saying that a group of men had gone into my home. I returned home to find a vigilante group had entered my home where my 24 year old son was being filmed by 2 men. I was told by 1 of the women that my son had been chatting to children online. I've seen these so called peodophile hunters on social media and was mortified. I made them leave my home, but they had called the police and was live streaming from inside my home. My grandchildrens pictures were on my wall in the background, and also my door number was on the end of the live stream. This video has been shared thousands of times on social media. I have reported the video and asked for it to be taken down, but they won't.
This was followed by the police arrest of my son. He had sent explicit content, and had his phone ect confiscated. He was released on bail the next evening.
I'm in total shock. I asked him why, while we were waiting for the police to arrive, but all I could (and still can) get out of him is 'he doesn't know why' .
He came home to stay with me following a break up from his partner. I've since found out that he lied to me about why they spilt up, he'd been arrested in November last year for the very same reason. I don't understand why he did it, or indeed why he carried on after being caught the first time.
I have spoken to my elderly parents and my adult daughter who are very supportive but I feel so isolated and at a loss as to what to do next. I have contacted the helpline and was talking to someone but the call got cut half way through and since then I can't get back through because of long queue times.
My son is frightened to go out because his photo was shown to people in my apartment block. While I am disgusted in his inappropriate behaviour and don't condone it, I love him and don't want him to be held prisoner in his own home.
Any advice welcome. Thanks for reading.
1 week on from the knock.
So last week I had a phonecall from my neighbour, saying that a group of men had gone into my home. I returned home to find a vigilante group had entered my home where my 24 year old son was being filmed by 2 men. I was told by 1 of the women that my son had been chatting to children online. I've seen these so called peodophile hunters on social media and was mortified. I made them leave my home, but they had called the police and was live streaming from inside my home. My grandchildrens pictures were on my wall in the background, and also my door number was on the end of the live stream. This video has been shared thousands of times on social media. I have reported the video and asked for it to be taken down, but they won't.
This was followed by the police arrest of my son. He had sent explicit content, and had his phone ect confiscated. He was released on bail the next evening.
I'm in total shock. I asked him why, while we were waiting for the police to arrive, but all I could (and still can) get out of him is 'he doesn't know why' .
He came home to stay with me following a break up from his partner. I've since found out that he lied to me about why they spilt up, he'd been arrested in November last year for the very same reason. I don't understand why he did it, or indeed why he carried on after being caught the first time.
I have spoken to my elderly parents and my adult daughter who are very supportive but I feel so isolated and at a loss as to what to do next. I have contacted the helpline and was talking to someone but the call got cut half way through and since then I can't get back through because of long queue times.
My son is frightened to go out because his photo was shown to people in my apartment block. While I am disgusted in his inappropriate behaviour and don't condone it, I love him and don't want him to be held prisoner in his own home.
Any advice welcome. Thanks for reading.
Hi lovely it's very very hard my lo was caught the same way
Please reach out to me IAM 10months in will private message you now so I can tell you my story and you can ask any questions xx
Please reach out to me IAM 10months in will private message you now so I can tell you my story and you can ask any questions xx
Given its his second offence in a short space of time, it seems to me that the obvious answer to 'why' is a sexual interest in under 18s, or maybe failing that a pattern of extremely unhealthy sexual behaviour which consistently leads him back to the same places and actions. So he needs to admit that, get help and work hard on never ever offending again.
I really feel for you. Please keep talking to us here, try the helpline again when you can.
I'd disagree that relapsing in this behaviour means there must be sexual interest in children. The motivations can be complex.
I understand how you're feeling in that you want to protect your son as well as abhoring his offending.
I'm glad you have some support in your family.
PM me if you'd like to
X
I'd disagree that relapsing in this behaviour means there must be sexual interest in children. The motivations can be complex.
I understand how you're feeling in that you want to protect your son as well as abhoring his offending.
I'm glad you have some support in your family.
PM me if you'd like to
X
I'm sorry you find yourself here, and in such traumatic circumstances. I don't think the vigilante groups should be allowed to do it so oh publicallt, not fair on anyone, and it's completely at odds with our justice system of being innocent until proven guilty. There are other ways to go about exposing people.
We're nearly 5 months in and it does get easier once the shock subsides but it's an awfully hard journey. I found this article helpful I trying to understand why: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/apr/05/i-didnt-start-out-wanting-to-see-kids-are-porn-algorithms-feeding-a-generation-of-paedophiles-or-creating-one
Towards the end it talks about younger men and how the addictive nature of the algorithm, alongside normalised extreme porn, and grooming of young people, all seem to be playing a part in rising numbers of offenders. My son is 18, and if your son has been engaging in this for a while he might have been underage/ groomed into dark spaces too. Worth a read.
We're nearly 5 months in and it does get easier once the shock subsides but it's an awfully hard journey. I found this article helpful I trying to understand why: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/apr/05/i-didnt-start-out-wanting-to-see-kids-are-porn-algorithms-feeding-a-generation-of-paedophiles-or-creating-one
Towards the end it talks about younger men and how the addictive nature of the algorithm, alongside normalised extreme porn, and grooming of young people, all seem to be playing a part in rising numbers of offenders. My son is 18, and if your son has been engaging in this for a while he might have been underage/ groomed into dark spaces too. Worth a read.
Sorry you find yourself in this situation.
It's one you have no warning or time to prepare and find yourself on a rollercoaster of emotions. The early days are tough but be kind to yourself. The helpline were great for me so do please try and call them again. I found them very supportive and easy to talk to as they got exactly how your felt and did not feel judged.
Shfjaojsbth thank you for posting this article I have not read this before today. You just don't realise the situation our yp find themselves in before the knock. Makes you realise you are not alone and the sharp increase in yp being caught up.
It's one you have no warning or time to prepare and find yourself on a rollercoaster of emotions. The early days are tough but be kind to yourself. The helpline were great for me so do please try and call them again. I found them very supportive and easy to talk to as they got exactly how your felt and did not feel judged.
Shfjaojsbth thank you for posting this article I have not read this before today. You just don't realise the situation our yp find themselves in before the knock. Makes you realise you are not alone and the sharp increase in yp being caught up.
Thank you to you all for your replies.
I'll definitely be reading the article. And I'll be trying to get back in touch with the helpline again today. I don't know how long my son has been doing this, he says he doesn't know himself so I can only guess that it's been a while.
My mom is so angry and upset with him, she doesn't want anything to do with him and he's been shunned by other family members. While I totally understand this I feel so sorry for him. I feel like he needs support, not for his behaviour but for his mental health. He just sits at home with his dog and only goes out briefly to take his dog out. I ask him how f he wants to talk but he refuses. He has been in touch with the online chat but didn't tell me much about it. I think it's the quiet from him that worries me. He says he doesn't feel suicidal though so that's a good thing. I've tried to get him to call the drs to get help with his mental health but he hasn't yet and with him being an adult I can't force him.
I don't know how to help him and I feel so helpless in this awful situation. Thanks again x
I'll definitely be reading the article. And I'll be trying to get back in touch with the helpline again today. I don't know how long my son has been doing this, he says he doesn't know himself so I can only guess that it's been a while.
My mom is so angry and upset with him, she doesn't want anything to do with him and he's been shunned by other family members. While I totally understand this I feel so sorry for him. I feel like he needs support, not for his behaviour but for his mental health. He just sits at home with his dog and only goes out briefly to take his dog out. I ask him how f he wants to talk but he refuses. He has been in touch with the online chat but didn't tell me much about it. I think it's the quiet from him that worries me. He says he doesn't feel suicidal though so that's a good thing. I've tried to get him to call the drs to get help with his mental health but he hasn't yet and with him being an adult I can't force him.
I don't know how to help him and I feel so helpless in this awful situation. Thanks again x
Shfjaojsbth, I have read most of the article. it doesn't relate to what my son did (sent pictures and videos of himself), but it does help me with understanding how he got sucked into the rabbit hole. Thanks for sharing it and I'll definitely be doing a lot of research into similar articles and speaking to my son about how he ended up in the situation he was in. I just hope it's stopped now. He says he's stopped but I guess like a drug addict it's possible he could return to it. I want to know how I can help him not to. Thanks again x
There is a free 'course' of self-help modules on the main Stopitnow site that your son can start doing. It is very thorough.
6789
Thank you I'll point him in that direction x
Thank you I'll point him in that direction x
Totally relate. It's so hard and isolating for them and such a worry. Luckily our family have been very supportive and understanding. I've just tried to be there for him, made him go for lots of walks with me, taken him on a couple of weekends away to get change of scenery and taste of normal. And just reminding him this won't last forever but main thing is to get the support to change behaviour etc.
