It's a terrible shock and very difficult time. We've all been there in varying circumstances. Quite quickly I remember thinking to survive I just needed to focus on one day at a time and not think too far ahead. I shut myself away, did a lot of reading and research into why and just took time to process, cry, shout and try and come to terms with it. It's a grieving process and you'll go through all the stages. We're nearly 5 months in and it's still hard but definitely easier. I also accepted there was so much I couldn't control so just focused on the elements I could. We've not used the helpline yet, but others on here recommend and that might be a good idea for you both if you're struggling to see a way forward. I know we all felt similarly to begin with but after a couple of weeks that subsided for us. Be kind to yourself, the bottom falls out of your world for a while, and you don't have to have all the answers or make decisions straight away, but over time you find a way somehow. And the path is slightly different for everyone as we navigate our own circumstances in our own ways. We're always here for each other and there's lots of experiences to draw on. I find the stories of life having moved on positively very comforting.

It is a lot to take in. Im over a year post knock now. I shut down after the knock. I struggled with it so much. I was in the depth of PPD so I shut down emotionally and shut down about the entire thing.

What helped was my husband listening to me and let me controll how long we spoke about it. I chose to stay with my husband and ive supported him through it all.

The helpline really in helpful, Ive called them and ive also used the chat room because ive been at work when I needed them so couldnt talk (as i didnt want people to hear) but i could type as I was in a room by myself.

Mags,

So sorry you are here and I can feel your utter shock in your message.
There is lots of useful advice on here but as some one has said, all our stories are slightly different, and the way we deal with it all and the decisions we make may be different too. As you will know, the process is a very long one, so you do certainly have time, to process, to make any decisions and also to take advantage of the help available from LFF. I would recommend the helpline...I told no one...we are a few months post sentencing...God knows how I/ we coped but we did. But having no one to confide in meant for me my only support was the helpline. I have since connected with people via this forum and they have been my support and their friendship through all this has been invaluable. I'd also recommend signing up for the Inform course, for yourself and the similar course for your partner. It is excellent and will answer many of your questions I imagine.

Private message me if you'd like to chat.

Sending a hug. X

We were together almost as long as yourself. Took me almost a year to come to a decision about my marriage.

I decided to end it for various reasons - I loved him but wasn't in love with him anymore, the trust was gone, my adult kids wanting nothing to do with him, and ultimately I knew the offending would never go away and I deserved better than that

There is no right and wrong answer - but mine was definitely the right one for me and I have no regrets

Be kind to yourself