Risk Assessment
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Has anyone got a risk assessment or anything to try to prove their partner is low risk to be around family children. If so, how did you go about it? Do Lucy Faithfull do this? I kniw we'd have to pay but not sure where to go.
Desperately low yesterday. I'm now trying to find a way that our grandchildren are able to stay. If it comes to it my husband will have to go elsewhere when or if they stay bit if there was a way I could show he's low risk I'd do it.
Desperately low yesterday. I'm now trying to find a way that our grandchildren are able to stay. If it comes to it my husband will have to go elsewhere when or if they stay bit if there was a way I could show he's low risk I'd do it.
Hi Ann
sorry I don't have the answer to your exact question but how do your grandchildren's parents feels about the whole thing are they supportive of him?
sorry I don't have the answer to your exact question but how do your grandchildren's parents feels about the whole thing are they supportive of him?
Summer, they don't know. This is one of the areas we've completely differed over. He refused to tell them because he's desperately ashamed. He tried to kill himself over it, was in mental health unit for 3 weeks begging me to bring him tablets to finish what he'd started. It's stupid because when it goes to court there's every chance it'll be in the media. He says it's a chance he'll take.
I really feel its his responsibility to tell them not mine and if it comes out he'll have to deal with it as I've already said I won't tell them for him.
I feel so stuck with this. We've had near on 3 years of this it's only now come to court after being under investigation all that time. We had the knock 2 years and 9 months ago
I really feel its his responsibility to tell them not mine and if it comes out he'll have to deal with it as I've already said I won't tell them for him.
I feel so stuck with this. We've had near on 3 years of this it's only now come to court after being under investigation all that time. We had the knock 2 years and 9 months ago
Ann, I agree it is his responsibility to tell, ultimately if he wants contact with them then they are going to need to know as if ss become involved. Has he been seeing them since arrest? I know I saw a programe and the children's parents had lots of questions which they wanted answering before they would allow him to see unfortunately I don't think he was able to give appropriate answers. How is your relationship with your children, won't they be upset you have been dealing with this all by yourself I'm sure they may want to support you xx
Hi Summer
We have 5 grown up children. We have 6 grandchildren 4 of them are over 16 one is 11 and one 18 months. Our youngest grandchild doesn't live in the UK they live abroad but stay with us when they visit.
We've seen all our family since the arrest we were waiting for a decision to charge before we considered telling them as it might have come to nothing.
Honestly I don't know how they will react but I think tell them before it goes to court which is about 5 weeks away as I understand it. There's a magistrates court but the solicitor says that's just quick as they send it to Crown Court.
He's a complete wreck. He's been on anti depressants and anti anxiety medication since the suicide attempt.
It's all such a mess
We have 5 grown up children. We have 6 grandchildren 4 of them are over 16 one is 11 and one 18 months. Our youngest grandchild doesn't live in the UK they live abroad but stay with us when they visit.
We've seen all our family since the arrest we were waiting for a decision to charge before we considered telling them as it might have come to nothing.
Honestly I don't know how they will react but I think tell them before it goes to court which is about 5 weeks away as I understand it. There's a magistrates court but the solicitor says that's just quick as they send it to Crown Court.
He's a complete wreck. He's been on anti depressants and anti anxiety medication since the suicide attempt.
It's all such a mess
Ann I would say you need to do what is best for you, you know your family best but it will be you who will have to pick up the peices I think you need to do whatever you think will be most likely you will keep a relationship with your children and grandchildren whatever the outcome. I know he will be feeling embarrassment and shame but is that helping you? What is best for you Ann not him. Have you spoken to the LFF about this?
Summer I have spoken jto LF a lot. Their advice is always to disclose and I agree. But I hate the fact that I will have to be the one to do it not him. He's got us into this horrible mess and despite the mental health issues surely at some point he had a choice.
I just feel I'm carrying the crap for something I have no responsibility for. Yes I could tell our children tomorrow but yet again he's not taking responsibility for his actions. I'm so fed up of being punished for what he's done. It's so unfair. I'm not wallowing in self pity or anything I'm just so furious that I'm fighting to have a normal family life.
So, so fed up atm
I just feel I'm carrying the crap for something I have no responsibility for. Yes I could tell our children tomorrow but yet again he's not taking responsibility for his actions. I'm so fed up of being punished for what he's done. It's so unfair. I'm not wallowing in self pity or anything I'm just so furious that I'm fighting to have a normal family life.
So, so fed up atm
Such a dufficult situation isn't it, I wish in a way I could tell a couple of other family members as I would get much more support and understanding of the situation but I wish it would just go away and plus why should I be the one who says. When my OH told his parents/mum dad seemed uninterested I don't think she really got it, it was left to me to actually make her realise what's happened and the implications etc. I think either way you will probably be the one they turn to and ask about everything x I wish sometimes there was someone who could tell us the right thing to do like stay/go run! What to eat what to do in general lol I know never going to happen. Does seem we get the rough deal out of this trying to hold it together for everyone x
Summer thank you so much for your support today. I realise you're probably having a crap time too. It's such a roller coaster isn't it and today was a down day. Thank you again it means so much just to know there's someone out there who understands the situation xx
We are all here for each other all having up and down days! Life can be hard anyway without this crap on top! the people on here are so supportive, please keep reaching out. X
I believe LFF can do assessments, so try the helpline. They may also suggest other places. I did read on here that someone's SW arranged theirs. If he gets convicted and therefore subject to SOR expect that they will request disclosure given the ages of the grandchildren. Obviously the choice is whether to do it now or later, whenever it's done it is not an easy conversation to have.
mjl thank you for your advice. It's pretty obvious to me that he is going to have to tell the family. He's seeing his solicitor today so maybe she will talk some sense into him.
Everyone's messages of support mean so much. It's a lonely long road. Although we're on the last lap, I know it will change our lives forever and it makes me sad to think what we've lost. It's like a grieving response I suppose and today I can't believe I'll ever feel truly happy again. I'm seeing a counsellor next week and hoping she can help me manage the mess of emotions I'm going through.
Everyone's messages of support mean so much. It's a lonely long road. Although we're on the last lap, I know it will change our lives forever and it makes me sad to think what we've lost. It's like a grieving response I suppose and today I can't believe I'll ever feel truly happy again. I'm seeing a counsellor next week and hoping she can help me manage the mess of emotions I'm going through.
Hi Ann
i was and am in a similar position to you. My son commited a communication offence and was sent to prison when it went to court. Here in Scotland things seem to move much quicker. We were seven month from start to conviction in court. I think this may be because there is no cps here the police here make the choice upon arrest and interview whether to charge a person.
our daughter has a toddler son who was only just over two when this happened. We had told our daughter everything from the moment her brother was arrested and thank god we did with what happened next.
two days after his arrest our daughter got a phone call from social services to tell her hat had happened and to make her aware that there could be no unsupervised contact between her son and her brother. Thankfully she knew about it and told them she would not allow any unsupervised contact.
fast forward to conviction and our son going to prison. A social worker came out to check our daughter was ok and reiterated that there could be no unsupervised contact when our son comes out and then closed the case.
Like you, I'm worried for the long term because our son is coming home to us when he aqaaa out. We have our grandson overnight one,two or three nights a week overnight and we areeee very worried as to how this can or will work when our son comes home.
social worker said at the time they would not be back out to her unless they were told that her brother has been alone with her son but I suspect it will all ope up again the very minute our son has to tell the offender management peopl bout his sisters little boy.
my thought is that our son could spend the night at his sisters or her partners if our grandson is here overnight but god only knows whether probation, offender management or social worker would clear it or not.
theworst part is that myself, husband, daughter and grandson have never broken the law in our lives but get treated as criminals anyway. Furthermore, from reading on here, some people are being absolutely insulted and told they don't tick enough boxes on the bloody paperwork to keep their child safe. That is beyond insulting as I've never known a mother who would not put her child's safety first, middle, last and anywhere in between. The whole thing is a nightmare but there is absolutely o thing we can do about it which frustrates the life out of me. x
i was and am in a similar position to you. My son commited a communication offence and was sent to prison when it went to court. Here in Scotland things seem to move much quicker. We were seven month from start to conviction in court. I think this may be because there is no cps here the police here make the choice upon arrest and interview whether to charge a person.
our daughter has a toddler son who was only just over two when this happened. We had told our daughter everything from the moment her brother was arrested and thank god we did with what happened next.
two days after his arrest our daughter got a phone call from social services to tell her hat had happened and to make her aware that there could be no unsupervised contact between her son and her brother. Thankfully she knew about it and told them she would not allow any unsupervised contact.
fast forward to conviction and our son going to prison. A social worker came out to check our daughter was ok and reiterated that there could be no unsupervised contact when our son comes out and then closed the case.
Like you, I'm worried for the long term because our son is coming home to us when he aqaaa out. We have our grandson overnight one,two or three nights a week overnight and we areeee very worried as to how this can or will work when our son comes home.
social worker said at the time they would not be back out to her unless they were told that her brother has been alone with her son but I suspect it will all ope up again the very minute our son has to tell the offender management peopl bout his sisters little boy.
my thought is that our son could spend the night at his sisters or her partners if our grandson is here overnight but god only knows whether probation, offender management or social worker would clear it or not.
theworst part is that myself, husband, daughter and grandson have never broken the law in our lives but get treated as criminals anyway. Furthermore, from reading on here, some people are being absolutely insulted and told they don't tick enough boxes on the bloody paperwork to keep their child safe. That is beyond insulting as I've never known a mother who would not put her child's safety first, middle, last and anywhere in between. The whole thing is a nightmare but there is absolutely o thing we can do about it which frustrates the life out of me. x
Hi Ann
My partner checked himself into the Priory hospital after his arrest. He was assessed by a Dr there and I don't know all the details of his report but he was then diagnosed with a porn/sex addiction. You could ring them and see if they do assessments?
He went back to the Priory weekly for about 6 months for therapy,he says they were very good. He has changed his therapist now and doesn't go there anymore.
wishing you all the best Ann, I know you have been waiting a very long time. Surely the judge must make this time into account ????
mabel x x x
My partner checked himself into the Priory hospital after his arrest. He was assessed by a Dr there and I don't know all the details of his report but he was then diagnosed with a porn/sex addiction. You could ring them and see if they do assessments?
He went back to the Priory weekly for about 6 months for therapy,he says they were very good. He has changed his therapist now and doesn't go there anymore.
wishing you all the best Ann, I know you have been waiting a very long time. Surely the judge must make this time into account ????
mabel x x x
Mabel thank you so much for your reply. I seem to spend so much time googling for information but no one else is in exactly the same situation obviously and so I'm struggling to know what will happen next. He's on the register now as was guilty in the Magistrates Court but will get sentenced at crown Court in about 5 weeks we're told. I'm mainly concerned about my daughter who lives abroad and stays with us when she visits the UK, about 4 times a year. The solicitor is being very glib about it just saying that because I know about his conviction and I'll always be here then that's enough. I've heard such dreadful stories on here about social services involvement some people saying it stressed them more than the police or legal proceedings. I'm worried over this as they'll probably be coming over around Easter. Our little grandson will be 16 months old.
Husband is meeting his barrister on Tuesday so I've told him not get fobbed off but really try to find out where we stand as grandparents.
Exhausted by it all!
Husband is meeting his barrister on Tuesday so I've told him not get fobbed off but really try to find out where we stand as grandparents.
Exhausted by it all!
I can hear your frustration loud and clear Ann! I feel your pain. There seems to be no standardisation of process in this situation - and inconsistencies abound.
I was in such shock after the knock, I told some members of our family and a couple friends as much because the news was too huge to hold in. (I guess I'm a blabbermouth). I don't know if my partner would have told anyone if it had been left up to him - but because a few people knew, he got to the point where he wanted everyone in the family to know - and they all do now, and have been nothing but supportive (I guess that's not guaranteed but is what I'd expected from our lot). He feels as if his soul has been bared - and the worst aspects of his soul.
I do think you'll have to be proactive in getting some kind of risk assessment in place before your family come to visit (but that's just my humble opinion and I'm no expert). SS seem much harsher in their assessments than the police or solicitors - but then, Social Workers have historically been scapegoated when situations go pearshaped.
I was in such shock after the knock, I told some members of our family and a couple friends as much because the news was too huge to hold in. (I guess I'm a blabbermouth). I don't know if my partner would have told anyone if it had been left up to him - but because a few people knew, he got to the point where he wanted everyone in the family to know - and they all do now, and have been nothing but supportive (I guess that's not guaranteed but is what I'd expected from our lot). He feels as if his soul has been bared - and the worst aspects of his soul.
I do think you'll have to be proactive in getting some kind of risk assessment in place before your family come to visit (but that's just my humble opinion and I'm no expert). SS seem much harsher in their assessments than the police or solicitors - but then, Social Workers have historically been scapegoated when situations go pearshaped.