I informed the police… anyone else?
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Hi all,
I was given the Stop It Now details by the police after the arrest and while some posts have helped the vast majority of people's experience on here is different to mine and I am left feeling guilty. Its like I don't belong anywhere for help and maybe don't deserve it.
I reported my persons internet activity on discovery. Whilst I saw nothing immediately illegal, I saw enough to be concerned and knew I needed to report so a more extensive search of the devices could be done.
Me and my person have children the same ages I saw on the device. I felt like I had no choice but to report the person I love more than anything, who I know has struggled with self esteem issues, stress and porn addiction for years.
I have spent hour after hour reading hundreds of posts on here trying to get my head around everything but there are so few people who have reported themselves. There is an overwhelming amount of people standing by their person and supporting them through this and it's making me feel guilty that I haven't/aren't. I understand addictions and can also understand the difference between a contact offender and a non-contact offender, but, I still have blown up all our lives (mine, kids, persons, surrounding family and friends).
I aren't coping. One minute I convince myself he left me little choice and and did the "right" thing. The next minute I am torn to pieces thinking that I maybe should have intervened in a different way by finding support privately (although I know deep down that would have brought stresses of its own to my door and I have nothing left to give my person after years of other support).
There are a lot more complicated factors that I don't want to go into as it would be identifying. But there is now no contact between me and the children and our person. I am worried for my person and in pain for all of us. I hate my person for not being stronger and putting me in the position they did. I hate the system and process for taking so long to investigate. I hate myself for perhaps doing the wrong thing for everyone involved.
Has anyone else reported their person and have any advice about the guilt that eats away at you most hours of the day?
I was given the Stop It Now details by the police after the arrest and while some posts have helped the vast majority of people's experience on here is different to mine and I am left feeling guilty. Its like I don't belong anywhere for help and maybe don't deserve it.
I reported my persons internet activity on discovery. Whilst I saw nothing immediately illegal, I saw enough to be concerned and knew I needed to report so a more extensive search of the devices could be done.
Me and my person have children the same ages I saw on the device. I felt like I had no choice but to report the person I love more than anything, who I know has struggled with self esteem issues, stress and porn addiction for years.
I have spent hour after hour reading hundreds of posts on here trying to get my head around everything but there are so few people who have reported themselves. There is an overwhelming amount of people standing by their person and supporting them through this and it's making me feel guilty that I haven't/aren't. I understand addictions and can also understand the difference between a contact offender and a non-contact offender, but, I still have blown up all our lives (mine, kids, persons, surrounding family and friends).
I aren't coping. One minute I convince myself he left me little choice and and did the "right" thing. The next minute I am torn to pieces thinking that I maybe should have intervened in a different way by finding support privately (although I know deep down that would have brought stresses of its own to my door and I have nothing left to give my person after years of other support).
There are a lot more complicated factors that I don't want to go into as it would be identifying. But there is now no contact between me and the children and our person. I am worried for my person and in pain for all of us. I hate my person for not being stronger and putting me in the position they did. I hate the system and process for taking so long to investigate. I hate myself for perhaps doing the wrong thing for everyone involved.
Has anyone else reported their person and have any advice about the guilt that eats away at you most hours of the day?
Hi,
there are a few people on here who reported their person but they don't seem to post very much anymore. Firstly, I want you to know that you absolutely did the right thing. If anything raises concerns it should be reported. I would do exactly the same now even though I know the repercussions for everyone involved it is still the right thing to do.
Have you been able to source any therapy for yourself? I would recommend looking into that as a priority to allow you to be in a better position to function day to day. You are allowed to grieve the life you had whilst knowing in your heart that you made the correct decision. Sending love and strength to you xxx
there are a few people on here who reported their person but they don't seem to post very much anymore. Firstly, I want you to know that you absolutely did the right thing. If anything raises concerns it should be reported. I would do exactly the same now even though I know the repercussions for everyone involved it is still the right thing to do.
Have you been able to source any therapy for yourself? I would recommend looking into that as a priority to allow you to be in a better position to function day to day. You are allowed to grieve the life you had whilst knowing in your heart that you made the correct decision. Sending love and strength to you xxx
You did the right thing in reporting your person. It's hard no matter how we have all ended up here. I haven't stood by my person but I do have to interact with him due to the kids and I am trying to make that interaction as normal as possible for them. Also now I can't but help look back on our life and wonder did I miss something. Plus he has said he downloaded iioc but did not look at it and the sole purpose of doing it was to sell on but then he decided against this and deleted it. I don't know what to believe in relation to this but the trust has fully gone. The forum is handy to get to know the process and timeframes potentially involved and also just for a listening ear to vent if need be. Take care xx
I reported my person too. You aren't alone.
I didn't but only because I had absolutely no idea it was happening which also brings guilt if a different kind. Everyone's circumstances and situations are different and there are no two cases the same. You did what felt right and whilst the repercussions are so difficult for you all, none of it is your fault. When life blows up like this it's so hard and we all grieve the past and wish things were different and we could go back, but it's our people who've offended and put us here and they have to be stopped, punished for what they've done, and supported so as not to reoffend. As difficult as it is we are trying to see it as a necessary evil to getting better and moving on healthily. Most of us are taken by compete surprise so it's amazing you saw the signs, and there is no more difficult a decision than reporting your loved one and leaving them (especially when you have children together) and you should be proud of the strength it's taken to do that. We will all rebuild from this in our own ways and on our different paths but we need support at this difficult point too. The helpline may be good place to start if you haven't tried already. Please be kind to yourself and take care.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Looking back I can now see some red flags - but didn't act on them or question him.
But ultimately the lies, the disrespect, the lack of accepting the blame rather than blaming other things/folk made me end our long marriage
I respect those women who have stood by their partners but I couldn't - and it took me almost a year to make the decision. For me I knew the offending would never truly go away and that's not how I wanted to live my life.
Be kind to yourself
But ultimately the lies, the disrespect, the lack of accepting the blame rather than blaming other things/folk made me end our long marriage
I respect those women who have stood by their partners but I couldn't - and it took me almost a year to make the decision. For me I knew the offending would never truly go away and that's not how I wanted to live my life.
Be kind to yourself
You 100% did the right thing.
I'm not 'supporting' my ex either. I have enough to do raising my children without trying to sort out a grown adult with a compulsion for lying and the sexual self-control of a chimpanzee
I'm not 'supporting' my ex either. I have enough to do raising my children without trying to sort out a grown adult with a compulsion for lying and the sexual self-control of a chimpanzee
