Only 6 days ago
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Hello, I'm new here. I'm glad I found this place, as I'm struggling so much right now and really need to vent. The knock only happened 6 days ago. They came in around 7:30 in the morning and 2 of his devices were taken. I didn't know anything about it until he came back from the police station and told me everything, so I was in total shock and confused. I’ve been with my fiance for 5 years. We’re already planning to get married next year, and of course I see him as my long term partner with all our plans and everything. My whole world turned upside down after the incident. My head in constant battle, always thinking, I feel like it's going to explode. I am devastated, angry, scared, and very anxious of the future, feeling like having an anxiety attack anytime soon.
I still love him, so decided to stay with him as I know he is good but made bad decisions. He immediately told me everything after he came back from the police station and still telling me of things he thinks he left out, which I is good as I know he’s being honest with me. He is very remorseful and very ashamed of what he’s done, and immediately got in contact with the available resources for help. His parents know about it and are supportive as well.
I don’t know what to do with myself and I feel like having an anxiety attack anytime soon. I have told my best friend as she’s the only one here with me. I’m very glad I have her. Although I think I need more help. I’m afraid of the future, the media presence, what my colleagues and friends will think of me for staying, my job, our safety as in where we live. I’m just holding on to the fact the he has been honest with me and determined to do everything to help himself. I know everything is still raw and not to make any rush decisions, it's all just difficult.
Any advice would be truly grateful. Please take care, everyone. And please feel free to message me regarding this. Thank you for reading.
I still love him, so decided to stay with him as I know he is good but made bad decisions. He immediately told me everything after he came back from the police station and still telling me of things he thinks he left out, which I is good as I know he’s being honest with me. He is very remorseful and very ashamed of what he’s done, and immediately got in contact with the available resources for help. His parents know about it and are supportive as well.
I don’t know what to do with myself and I feel like having an anxiety attack anytime soon. I have told my best friend as she’s the only one here with me. I’m very glad I have her. Although I think I need more help. I’m afraid of the future, the media presence, what my colleagues and friends will think of me for staying, my job, our safety as in where we live. I’m just holding on to the fact the he has been honest with me and determined to do everything to help himself. I know everything is still raw and not to make any rush decisions, it's all just difficult.
Any advice would be truly grateful. Please take care, everyone. And please feel free to message me regarding this. Thank you for reading.
First regarding anxiety, I found propranolol amazing & would talk to your GP about that & any other options. Mine was completely professional & supportive. I was also very surprised by how much cutting out caffeine helped in preventing panic attacks.
Secondly its just a long slow wait. I'm personally wary of ever saying "he's told me everything" till you've seen the forensics. Funnily enough my ex was relatively honest about the extent of the IIOC (relatively 'little' mercifully), but other things both legal and illegal came to light - the legal came from me poking around some of the cheating / sex chat / sex workers websites he'd been using, the illegal (voyeurism against me) was uncovered by the police. I know that absolutely isn't what you want to hear, but I guess I worry whenever ppl come on with that level of certainty.
Hard though it is, I'd also say to take some control over the situation by finding out as much as possible on here etc Looking ahead, there's lots of info on here about what life is like longterm for the partners of offenders.
Secondly its just a long slow wait. I'm personally wary of ever saying "he's told me everything" till you've seen the forensics. Funnily enough my ex was relatively honest about the extent of the IIOC (relatively 'little' mercifully), but other things both legal and illegal came to light - the legal came from me poking around some of the cheating / sex chat / sex workers websites he'd been using, the illegal (voyeurism against me) was uncovered by the police. I know that absolutely isn't what you want to hear, but I guess I worry whenever ppl come on with that level of certainty.
Hard though it is, I'd also say to take some control over the situation by finding out as much as possible on here etc Looking ahead, there's lots of info on here about what life is like longterm for the partners of offenders.
Its good that he is talking to you. I highly recommend the inform course for both of you (he will need to pay for his one). It will help him understand more why he got to the point of offending and give him a space to talk to other offenders.
With time it does get easier i promise. We are nearly 1 year 4 months post knock. I chose very early on to stay. Its been a ride mostly because we had a baby when he was arrested. Having s good support network particularly for him will help. Those who work on the why and also have a support network are less likely to reoffend
With time it does get easier i promise. We are nearly 1 year 4 months post knock. I chose very early on to stay. Its been a ride mostly because we had a baby when he was arrested. Having s good support network particularly for him will help. Those who work on the why and also have a support network are less likely to reoffend
Sad&Scared and Sunshine&Rainbows, thank you so much for your replies. I deeply appreciate both of your advices. I'll have a read through of the things available on here and things we could do for support. It's actually been helping me going through the forums.
I hope everyone is well. One day at a time
I hope everyone is well. One day at a time
