You've made your bed, now lie in it
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Firstly, life after isn't terrible and in many ways I am fortunate, but we are not thriving as a unit, he is not thriving and nor am I.
There are the big things I knew we'd have to work through together and I continued the relationship accepting those - The register, the police visits, the stigma, the difficulty in finding work and reduced income, the limitations or travel and family and friendship social situations. It is the other things, or the bits peripheral to those things that are hard - It is hard to plan life (finances) or conversely be spontaneous (yes, it's sunny, come up for the weekend with the kids). I'm his only source of external influence, therefore everything I do or say is amplified in his world, this for many reasons is not a healthy dynamic. There are so many more examples.
I'm fortunate to have good friends and family that know and have been supportive. But now we are out the eye of the storm, I don't feel I can lean on them. I hear the words (in my head) "You've made your bed, now lie in it".
Feeling it more recently, with another summer (4th) not feeling like I'm thriving and that life is passing me by. I'm tired of picking myself up, picking him up, looking for the positives (which i know we have many) and mustering hope that "it'll all be okay". I just want a grumble. So here I am.
For context, we are 4 years post sentence. Prison sentence and off probation but life long SHPO and SOR. He only started looking for work this year and it is hardwork and demotivating, we feel we get somewhere, feel positive then something puts a spanner in the works.
In typical "looking for the positive", I know life could be much worse for us, but it's still a bit s#*t and I just wanted to say it, somewhere.
There are the big things I knew we'd have to work through together and I continued the relationship accepting those - The register, the police visits, the stigma, the difficulty in finding work and reduced income, the limitations or travel and family and friendship social situations. It is the other things, or the bits peripheral to those things that are hard - It is hard to plan life (finances) or conversely be spontaneous (yes, it's sunny, come up for the weekend with the kids). I'm his only source of external influence, therefore everything I do or say is amplified in his world, this for many reasons is not a healthy dynamic. There are so many more examples.
I'm fortunate to have good friends and family that know and have been supportive. But now we are out the eye of the storm, I don't feel I can lean on them. I hear the words (in my head) "You've made your bed, now lie in it".
Feeling it more recently, with another summer (4th) not feeling like I'm thriving and that life is passing me by. I'm tired of picking myself up, picking him up, looking for the positives (which i know we have many) and mustering hope that "it'll all be okay". I just want a grumble. So here I am.
For context, we are 4 years post sentence. Prison sentence and off probation but life long SHPO and SOR. He only started looking for work this year and it is hardwork and demotivating, we feel we get somewhere, feel positive then something puts a spanner in the works.
In typical "looking for the positive", I know life could be much worse for us, but it's still a bit s#*t and I just wanted to say it, somewhere.
That's why I ended my long marriage. I didn't want a half life going forward with the offending never going away. It sounds harsh but I don't regret it at all. In many ways it is easier to leave than to stay. I have no advise other than to wish you well
