A few years ago, I got the knock from police which unlike many others, was a saviour to me and my children. I was already suffering from mental abuse and coercive control and had always known that the relationship was one way (I paid the bills, took responsibility for our child, did the housework, worked full time etc) and it would never improve. But when you are in it, it's so hard, especially when you get that 'good day' and it seems like there may be hope.
Then one morning, we had that knock, the anticipation of what they are here for, the kids asking questions, the intimidation of multiple officers in the house, however nice they were to me.

They took his devices and then we heard nothing for over a year, apart from social services telling me not to let him alone with the kids. For how long? Is that just in the house or anywhere? What about other peoples kids? NO advice, NO support. Nobody to ask that this might have happened to. Nothing.

Then a year later that confirmation came that I had been waiting for. He would be arrested. The high of relief, and the low that this is someone we had been living with, then the remorse for those children in those images.

Another call from SS to say he mustn't be in contact with the children. No help or advice, just to do this or I would not be safeguarding my children. How have I become the one to be judged in all this?



Unlike some of you who have had their families turned upside down with this, I was relieved. The change had been made for me. It was like I was scared to end things as I didn't know what he would do but now I wasn't to blame. I was off the hook.

The relief was temporary at the time as I would then go through a strange type of grief. It was the end of a time when I was living in survival mode all the time. As though I had thrived from it. But now I had the fear of 'what next'?



And again, nobody was there. Of course my family and friends were, but nobody could know what to do. Yes, move on with my life which is what I intended to do. But a year would pass before a trial. What if he's not guilty?



He has always protested his innocence (although he pleaded guilty) and has an entitled attitude, almost as if he's the victim.

Many types of anxiety have passed through me over the years but I am now have a whole new life, a million times better for me and my children.



I recently found out that a person who lives near to me has experienced a similar thing and it made me realise that even though I have been there, I still wasn't really sure how to help her.

There really doesn't seem to be anything for the family or partner left behind but to pick up any pieces. I have only just found this page today and it was more than five years ago this happened.


That's why I am here. I want people to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I would live to set up help in my local area but I need to learn more about others experiences first.


I want you to see that you are not going mad and the decision is all yours as to whether you support them or walk away.

Life is too short