Not sure where to turn.......
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This could be a long post, so apologies in advance and thank you for those who stick with me to the end.
My son was convicted over a year ago. Conversation with a police decoy. 1 conversation on an adult site! No images. He pleaded guilty. Community Order, 5 yrs Register and SHPO.
Forward to Jan this year. Arrested for technical breaches (new passport, bank card etc), Feb arrested again for further breaches - all were things like old phones not registerd, new bank account, active social media accounts. All of these were disclosed to Probation worker and Offender Manager so no intention to hide anything. Old phones were just that and were present at first offence. The icing on the cake, he finally found work in a retail setting, he informed the police but they took 2 weeks to inform him it was a breach and this led to the arrest.
During this second arrest they searched very thoroughly and found a deleted app / chat which was inappropriate at best but not communication with a child.
Crown in March and judge said that ultimately although no sexual reoffending he had broken a court order. Sentence was 18 months custodial, reduced to 40% and rest on licence.
Now where it gets messy - I live abroad, his father a significant distance away. His brother and wife are police officers. It took me initially 2 days to find him after the arrest - no one informed us. They took him in the clothes he wore and took over 2 weeks to provide him with anything else to wear. It has taken 2 months to get new clothing to him. He rings me every day in tears, he can´t cope! He is definately ASD.
My whole family has fallen apart. I feel like i am living in 2 different universes. Son and family want absolutly nothing to do with him and i can feel everyone pulling away from me too. His father is doing almost nothing to support.
There is no wrap around support for new inmates on the how to processes. He has his own tenancy in a house share and manages his own bank accounts - however he now has no way of making contact with anyone other than me. How do we look after his bank account, pay his rent, stop any active payments that are not necessary whilst he is there.
So much to deal with and I honestly don´t know where to start. We are a few weeks post sentencing and it has taken me this long to finally tap back into this group to seek support and help.
Is there anyone else on here who can help me?
Anyone else who has such a close family that has been destroyed in this way and how do you move forward and protect the relationships with your children on both sides of this awful sh*t show.
All and any help and advice would be so welcome.
Thank you for staying with me x x
My son was convicted over a year ago. Conversation with a police decoy. 1 conversation on an adult site! No images. He pleaded guilty. Community Order, 5 yrs Register and SHPO.
Forward to Jan this year. Arrested for technical breaches (new passport, bank card etc), Feb arrested again for further breaches - all were things like old phones not registerd, new bank account, active social media accounts. All of these were disclosed to Probation worker and Offender Manager so no intention to hide anything. Old phones were just that and were present at first offence. The icing on the cake, he finally found work in a retail setting, he informed the police but they took 2 weeks to inform him it was a breach and this led to the arrest.
During this second arrest they searched very thoroughly and found a deleted app / chat which was inappropriate at best but not communication with a child.
Crown in March and judge said that ultimately although no sexual reoffending he had broken a court order. Sentence was 18 months custodial, reduced to 40% and rest on licence.
Now where it gets messy - I live abroad, his father a significant distance away. His brother and wife are police officers. It took me initially 2 days to find him after the arrest - no one informed us. They took him in the clothes he wore and took over 2 weeks to provide him with anything else to wear. It has taken 2 months to get new clothing to him. He rings me every day in tears, he can´t cope! He is definately ASD.
My whole family has fallen apart. I feel like i am living in 2 different universes. Son and family want absolutly nothing to do with him and i can feel everyone pulling away from me too. His father is doing almost nothing to support.
There is no wrap around support for new inmates on the how to processes. He has his own tenancy in a house share and manages his own bank accounts - however he now has no way of making contact with anyone other than me. How do we look after his bank account, pay his rent, stop any active payments that are not necessary whilst he is there.
So much to deal with and I honestly don´t know where to start. We are a few weeks post sentencing and it has taken me this long to finally tap back into this group to seek support and help.
Is there anyone else on here who can help me?
Anyone else who has such a close family that has been destroyed in this way and how do you move forward and protect the relationships with your children on both sides of this awful sh*t show.
All and any help and advice would be so welcome.
Thank you for staying with me x x
Ow, ow, ow :(
Can you call the helpline tomorrow?
And the Unlock helpline?
I would think he should be on a wing for vulnerable prisoners, for starters.
Can you engage a solicitor who specialises in iioc, and who is good at working with people with ASD?
So sorry :(
Can you call the helpline tomorrow?
And the Unlock helpline?
I would think he should be on a wing for vulnerable prisoners, for starters.
Can you engage a solicitor who specialises in iioc, and who is good at working with people with ASD?
So sorry :(
6789
What is the Unlock helpline?
He is currently segregated and is on a wing for VP´s. It is a cat B and he desperately needs to be in a cat C, which he eventually will be but not sure when.
Making calls from here is a tad expensive, so I am really seeking some kind of on-line support or maybe someone who can talk to me via video link.
I am struggling enourmously with the conflict within the family. I am trying to support my son in any way I can. I am not for one minute condoning any actions, but your son is always going to be your son and I feel so helpless :(
His release date has been miscaluated by the prison at 50%, so I have had to go back through the solicitor to obtain the sentencing transcript to provde the judge´s intentions were 40%. A cost not covered by his legal aid so I have had to dig deep to pay for this too.
I am having to pay his rent as I don´t have access to his bank account and the last thing we need on top of everything else is some kind of bad debt and poor reference from a landlord going forward.
Does it all ever end :(
What is the Unlock helpline?
He is currently segregated and is on a wing for VP´s. It is a cat B and he desperately needs to be in a cat C, which he eventually will be but not sure when.
Making calls from here is a tad expensive, so I am really seeking some kind of on-line support or maybe someone who can talk to me via video link.
I am struggling enourmously with the conflict within the family. I am trying to support my son in any way I can. I am not for one minute condoning any actions, but your son is always going to be your son and I feel so helpless :(
His release date has been miscaluated by the prison at 50%, so I have had to go back through the solicitor to obtain the sentencing transcript to provde the judge´s intentions were 40%. A cost not covered by his legal aid so I have had to dig deep to pay for this too.
I am having to pay his rent as I don´t have access to his bank account and the last thing we need on top of everything else is some kind of bad debt and poor reference from a landlord going forward.
Does it all ever end :(
A lot to carry, isnt it.
Good to know he is on the VP wing, tho he clearly needs more support and understanding than he is getting there. Can the solicitor push things along in that regard?
The Prisoners advice service, or prisoners families helpline, may be helpful? I think you can email them. The helpline here is also contactable online. All is not lost!
Good to know he is on the VP wing, tho he clearly needs more support and understanding than he is getting there. Can the solicitor push things along in that regard?
The Prisoners advice service, or prisoners families helpline, may be helpful? I think you can email them. The helpline here is also contactable online. All is not lost!
The unlock website is a another source of information. And they also have a helpline. I found them very helpful. Regarding bank accounts. I would contact the bank and ask what they need to get for you to gain access to your son's account. If it requires him to ring them, the prisons have welfare officiers that usually can help with phone calls to organisations. So he may need to ask. If the bank will except a letter, then he will need to send that to you and then send onto the bank. This will help in paying the rent.
There is email a prisoner, which is cheaper, you can send emails and they can reply. You will need to pay for this, but probably cheaper than phone calls. There is a slight delay in emails. Not sure if different prisons do different things, but the one my OH went ot they were printed out and checked. Not sure if there is anyway of cheaper calls due to you being abroad, but a quick search in google might find this out. I just googled everything when my OH was on remand. You can also send him money so that he will be able to buy things like food etc This is done through the gov.uk website. You will need his date of birth and prison number.
Hope this helps.
There is email a prisoner, which is cheaper, you can send emails and they can reply. You will need to pay for this, but probably cheaper than phone calls. There is a slight delay in emails. Not sure if different prisons do different things, but the one my OH went ot they were printed out and checked. Not sure if there is anyway of cheaper calls due to you being abroad, but a quick search in google might find this out. I just googled everything when my OH was on remand. You can also send him money so that he will be able to buy things like food etc This is done through the gov.uk website. You will need his date of birth and prison number.
Hope this helps.
