New here. I’m so lost.
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Hi guys.
Just over 3 weeks ago we got the knock. 3:15am, I was and still am absolutely distraught, confused, tired, empty and scared. I don't think the sick feeling has truly left me. Not just because of what my close person has done, but because of the uncertainty it brings to your self and the children too. He's been arrested for 3 cat b images found on a Dropbox account that is linked to his email address but the phone number doesn't link to his phone number. He's claiming it wasn't him that uploaded them and apparently tried to talk this through with the police when the solicitor advised him to no comment and exercise the police's duty to get the evidence. His solicitor has confirmed she advised him to stop talking in the interview and told him to no comment.
My close person is step dad to my children and has been in their life for 4 years. My children are now 5, 8, 12 and 14. Youngest is my daughter older three my sons. I'm yet to disclose anything to them. I've tried to keep things as normal as possible.
SS rang two days after he was bailed just for an initial check in with me. I'm guessing this was a duty social worker. She told me I didn't have to disclose to school "which was wrong of her to say apparently" and to carry on doing what I was doing "supervised contact ect" until I heard from an allocated SW.
Nearly a week had passed, and a social worker phoned me and advised me himself and his manager would be out to see me that afternoon. "He's a training social worker" which is why I belive his manager attended too. They both attended that afternoon, spoke to my self and asked me if I was staying with partner. I said I was unsure at this moment in time and that kids were my priority. It doesn't help that after his arrest within hours I had logged on to his Facebook and seen he'd been unfaithful with someone from his past. So not only am I dealing with this arrest I'm dealing with unfaithfulness. They asked me if I had disclosed to my children and I said no, I said I was keeping things as normal as possible for them, allowing supervised contact. He came at the times he wouldn't be at work, was supervised by me, and leaves when the children go to bed so they know no different. He was initially bailed to our home but I had him change his bail address and move to a friends locally about 15 mins away. They seemed happy with this. I asked them if what I was doing was right, and they said to carry on doing as I was.
I would like to add my partner has two other children with his ex. She's aware of everything we have a fantastic relationship and she was the person I called at 3:30am and told her everything. She has also had SS contact her and do there own assessments, but they live 200 miles away, and we see them every school holidays. She's been my support through this because I feel like she's living this with me right now.
All my children have now been visited in school, and started family trees and we've had our first CIN meeting at school too. I feel like I'm been put under pressure to disclose to the children and I say I know I'm under no obligation to disclose and I didn't want my children's mental health to be effected by it as two children are diagnosed ADHD. The manager did intervine and said no your not under any obligation. I was then interrogated or so it felt from school to make a decision on my relationship, I told them openly in front of the social workers I still wasn't sure, but as soon as any decision had been made by myself, which I will take the time I need to make the first people I will inform is the social workers.
we've left the CIN meeting with the same "carry on doing what your doing" and I've got a home visit booked in again for in 3 days and my first assessment meeting for just me in a weeks time.
Does anyone have any advice on what to expect going forward on if I stay, if I don't stay, and how long I can expect this to go on for. I'm so tired already.
If you got this far I'm so thankful. I feel like I've read for weeks and wanted to finally talk to someone.
Just over 3 weeks ago we got the knock. 3:15am, I was and still am absolutely distraught, confused, tired, empty and scared. I don't think the sick feeling has truly left me. Not just because of what my close person has done, but because of the uncertainty it brings to your self and the children too. He's been arrested for 3 cat b images found on a Dropbox account that is linked to his email address but the phone number doesn't link to his phone number. He's claiming it wasn't him that uploaded them and apparently tried to talk this through with the police when the solicitor advised him to no comment and exercise the police's duty to get the evidence. His solicitor has confirmed she advised him to stop talking in the interview and told him to no comment.
My close person is step dad to my children and has been in their life for 4 years. My children are now 5, 8, 12 and 14. Youngest is my daughter older three my sons. I'm yet to disclose anything to them. I've tried to keep things as normal as possible.
SS rang two days after he was bailed just for an initial check in with me. I'm guessing this was a duty social worker. She told me I didn't have to disclose to school "which was wrong of her to say apparently" and to carry on doing what I was doing "supervised contact ect" until I heard from an allocated SW.
Nearly a week had passed, and a social worker phoned me and advised me himself and his manager would be out to see me that afternoon. "He's a training social worker" which is why I belive his manager attended too. They both attended that afternoon, spoke to my self and asked me if I was staying with partner. I said I was unsure at this moment in time and that kids were my priority. It doesn't help that after his arrest within hours I had logged on to his Facebook and seen he'd been unfaithful with someone from his past. So not only am I dealing with this arrest I'm dealing with unfaithfulness. They asked me if I had disclosed to my children and I said no, I said I was keeping things as normal as possible for them, allowing supervised contact. He came at the times he wouldn't be at work, was supervised by me, and leaves when the children go to bed so they know no different. He was initially bailed to our home but I had him change his bail address and move to a friends locally about 15 mins away. They seemed happy with this. I asked them if what I was doing was right, and they said to carry on doing as I was.
I would like to add my partner has two other children with his ex. She's aware of everything we have a fantastic relationship and she was the person I called at 3:30am and told her everything. She has also had SS contact her and do there own assessments, but they live 200 miles away, and we see them every school holidays. She's been my support through this because I feel like she's living this with me right now.
All my children have now been visited in school, and started family trees and we've had our first CIN meeting at school too. I feel like I'm been put under pressure to disclose to the children and I say I know I'm under no obligation to disclose and I didn't want my children's mental health to be effected by it as two children are diagnosed ADHD. The manager did intervine and said no your not under any obligation. I was then interrogated or so it felt from school to make a decision on my relationship, I told them openly in front of the social workers I still wasn't sure, but as soon as any decision had been made by myself, which I will take the time I need to make the first people I will inform is the social workers.
we've left the CIN meeting with the same "carry on doing what your doing" and I've got a home visit booked in again for in 3 days and my first assessment meeting for just me in a weeks time.
Does anyone have any advice on what to expect going forward on if I stay, if I don't stay, and how long I can expect this to go on for. I'm so tired already.
If you got this far I'm so thankful. I feel like I've read for weeks and wanted to finally talk to someone.
