Hi Heartbrokenmum,

I could have written this post myself, my heart goes out to you as I'm sat here in tears (the norm the last 9 months) as I know and feel every inch of what you've said.

We also had 'The Knock' last July 2025 for our high functioning Autistic Son who is turning 22 soon, for images also and we are unsure of what his sentencing outcome will be also.

Our Son has also destroyed us as a family, I can honestly say I've never ever felt so low in my life and don't know how to navigate what's in front of us. Like you said, we've never had as much as a 'I'm so Sorry' even though it's too late for that, just acknowledging the pain he's caused would be something but no, nothing.

We have supported our Son from a distance really in practical ways but the further that this is going forward I can feel myself pulling away emotionally (for now) that is a devastating admission I know, but it's the truth and I know it's Me protecting Me in a way. Please feel free to message me anytime as I know exactly how you feel, sending you a huge HUG xx

Heartbroken Mum, every word resonates except that my son didn't have the 'excuse' of autism. I have hated him at times and have, many times, thought about and wished I could walk away. We are 5 years post-knock, he didn't go to prison and the worst of it is behind us, but I am still broken in ways I doubt I'll ever recover from. I have a relationship with him but, if I'm honest, it's for the sake of my husband (his father) and other child - if I never saw him again I don't think I'd care. He commented the other day that there are no photos of him in the house and that's because I can't bear to look back on those happy childhood days.

I'm sending you a huge hug, please feel free to message me privately if you need to chat x

It's all extremely difficult. We're only 6 months in and my son is 18 with adhd and although I haven't felt like walking away from exactly, I have several times wished I could run away from it all and everything else mid-life is throwing at me (other teenagers, elderly parents, work, menopause etc). He is remorseful and other factors, grooming, his age at the time in question, give me some comfort/ hope for the future. But the anxiety of all the challenges yet to come, and the terror of thinking what if it happened again, are regularly overwhelming and escaping is very appealing. Whilst you can leave your husband and move on, as hard as that may be, walking away from a child would be so painful and I personally don't think I could bear it, so at the moment feel he deserves a second chance and will support him all the way. You're not alone in feeling the way you do, and hope that some easier times come soon x

It's all extremely difficult. We're only 6 months in and my son is 18 with adhd and although I haven't felt like walking away from exactly, I have several times wished I could run away from it all and everything else mid-life is throwing at me (other teenagers, elderly parents, work, menopause etc). He is remorseful and other factors, grooming, his age at the time in question, give me some comfort/ hope for the future. But the anxiety of all the challenges yet to come, and the terror of thinking what if it happened again, are regularly overwhelming and escaping is very appealing. Whilst you can leave your husband and move on, as hard as that may be, walking away from a child would be so painful and I personally don't think I could bear it, so at the moment feel he deserves a second chance and will support him all the way. You're not alone in feeling the way you do, and hope that some easier times come soon x

Although not as far along as you in this situation we find ourselves in,just wanted to reach out to you. My inbox is always open.

It must be incredibly hard not being able to off load to someone. Your mental health is important to and just by being able to talk to someone can help you make sense of what you are feeling right now. Could you get away for a few days to give yourself some head space or just a break before court day?.

Such an emotional rollercoaster from anger to what did I miss,why etc....they are all valid thoughts that need to be processed when you are ready. Today's thought of leaving is completely valid but you may look at it differently tomorrow.

Sorry I've not really answered your question but didn't want to just scroll on by.

Take care.

Call Samaritans? They are great listeners.....

To all you Mums, I totally feel your pain and completely understand everything you are feeling.

Life will never be the same , unfortunately my 27 yr old autistic son doesn't really understand the utter devastation he has caused. I could never turn my back but have wanted to run away so many times.

my inbox is always open xx