For clarification?
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My husband is "my person". He was caught by paedophile hunters in 2020 and his 2 years on the SOR ended in Feb 2024.
We're continuing to work our way through things. 7 months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer so I haven't been as alert as I might have been.
My MIL gave me a laptop when our computer got taken as I needed it for work. All went swimmingly for ages. I had the password, he didn't. Any Internet use he needed had to be done in our library. When my health problems started and I needed him home more, I gave him the password and again all has been fine.
This morning I've used it for the 1st time in ages and have seen he's been googling "sex chat". Its hit me like a thunderbolt, especially given everything else I have on my plate.
I just need some clarification and not sure where to go without stirring up what might be an unnecessary hornets nest.
It was definitely an adult page he was on. Those pages, though not ideal, aren't illegal are they? Because of my health, we haven't been intimate for months and months. I understand he needs a way "to manage independently" but this is ok as long as it stays at this right?
We're continuing to work our way through things. 7 months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer so I haven't been as alert as I might have been.
My MIL gave me a laptop when our computer got taken as I needed it for work. All went swimmingly for ages. I had the password, he didn't. Any Internet use he needed had to be done in our library. When my health problems started and I needed him home more, I gave him the password and again all has been fine.
This morning I've used it for the 1st time in ages and have seen he's been googling "sex chat". Its hit me like a thunderbolt, especially given everything else I have on my plate.
I just need some clarification and not sure where to go without stirring up what might be an unnecessary hornets nest.
It was definitely an adult page he was on. Those pages, though not ideal, aren't illegal are they? Because of my health, we haven't been intimate for months and months. I understand he needs a way "to manage independently" but this is ok as long as it stays at this right?
Hi,
I'm sorry to hear about your health issues. You're correct that on its own that is not illegal but it is something that needs to be addressed in my opinion. Unfortunately, as with any addiction, an addict will always be an addict although they may be in recovery for periods of time. Has he had therapy? I would suggest that he needs to talk to someone about his behaviour or attend meetings with sex addicts anonymous. We all have our own boundaries but for me I have communicated that sex chats or any porn use is a strong no and would result in me walking away. I do understand that with your health condition this may be more challenging for you but equally challenging to have the worry of his behaviour looming over you xxx
I'm sorry to hear about your health issues. You're correct that on its own that is not illegal but it is something that needs to be addressed in my opinion. Unfortunately, as with any addiction, an addict will always be an addict although they may be in recovery for periods of time. Has he had therapy? I would suggest that he needs to talk to someone about his behaviour or attend meetings with sex addicts anonymous. We all have our own boundaries but for me I have communicated that sex chats or any porn use is a strong no and would result in me walking away. I do understand that with your health condition this may be more challenging for you but equally challenging to have the worry of his behaviour looming over you xxx
Thank you. We're in a situation we can work with then. I was just concerned if I needed to report anything. I work in a school, under the boundaries of a risk assessment because of this.
Now I know this has blown up again I can sort it. We can sort anything if we know.
Now I know this has blown up again I can sort it. We can sort anything if we know.
I realise I sound potentially naive but I only have so much headspace at the mo.
Sorry you find yourself in this position especially with your health issues
I suppose if he isn't on the SOR any longer he isn't doing anything wrong - but for me in a relationship this would be a huge red flag. Don't many offenders start with regular porn sites and then it escalates. If he is looking for sex chat surely this is where the decoys will be found?
My personal opinion is leopards don't change their spots and this was reinforced when I found out my now ex husband is back behind bars
I suppose if he isn't on the SOR any longer he isn't doing anything wrong - but for me in a relationship this would be a huge red flag. Don't many offenders start with regular porn sites and then it escalates. If he is looking for sex chat surely this is where the decoys will be found?
My personal opinion is leopards don't change their spots and this was reinforced when I found out my now ex husband is back behind bars
Whether or not he was talking to adults or not you might not know or ever know (god forbid anothet knock) but its certainly something you need to talk to him about. For one many would consider it cheating and it opens him up to portential talking to a minor. Its just not a safe outlet at all.
Im sorry youre going through health issues and now have this worry ontop.
Im sorry youre going through health issues and now have this worry ontop.
I don't know if it's a bit passive aggressive, but I would change the password too. (And definitely get him to an SAA meeting).
sorry about your diagnosis
xxxx
sorry about your diagnosis
xxxx
