Tell me: it's NOT *that* bad... (moving on after conviction)
Notifications OFF
I've tried therapy but even the therapists seem to drag me down into the bog. I really want to move on and the only way I see forward is not whataboutism (others have it worse) but that it's not *that* bad...
OH and I have both been teachers. Both lost (well, I am likely to lose - still awaiting a decision) our job (because I could have allegedly known and not acted blah blah). Can't travel pretty much to most countries outside of EU as a family. Job opportunities are very limited. That's the collateral damage that I can seem to think of that's undoable... am I missing something? I'm not that bothered about reputation (been through enough due to this to care).
Luckily, there is the internet and one can do a lot of jobs online, no? That doesn't revolve around children.
The world isn't just Australia that we longed to move to...there are other countries to visit outside of US, Canada and New Zeland. Right? Surely?
I just so desperately need a bit of sunray in my life to tell me this isn't as bad as police, therapists and many people here (understably, cause this is depressing and life changing) think it is.
Hopefully others will benefit from some positive silver linings, different, positive perspectives that you can share. Please xxx
OH and I have both been teachers. Both lost (well, I am likely to lose - still awaiting a decision) our job (because I could have allegedly known and not acted blah blah). Can't travel pretty much to most countries outside of EU as a family. Job opportunities are very limited. That's the collateral damage that I can seem to think of that's undoable... am I missing something? I'm not that bothered about reputation (been through enough due to this to care).
Luckily, there is the internet and one can do a lot of jobs online, no? That doesn't revolve around children.
The world isn't just Australia that we longed to move to...there are other countries to visit outside of US, Canada and New Zeland. Right? Surely?
I just so desperately need a bit of sunray in my life to tell me this isn't as bad as police, therapists and many people here (understably, cause this is depressing and life changing) think it is.
Hopefully others will benefit from some positive silver linings, different, positive perspectives that you can share. Please xxx
I'm shocked that you may lose your job. That shouldn't happen anymore as you can't be guilty by association. Have you got your union involved?
Either way, no it's not been too bad for us, travel is the main hindrance with the EU also likely closing to us with ETIAS
We live a nearly normal life, and I continue to work in management in children's safeguarding. We live as a family unit with our young children etc
Either way, no it's not been too bad for us, travel is the main hindrance with the EU also likely closing to us with ETIAS
We live a nearly normal life, and I continue to work in management in children's safeguarding. We live as a family unit with our young children etc
I second getting the union on board if you're part of one!! I'm a teacher, and one of the first things I was worried about was the impact to my job- my manager told me there and then I had absolutely nothing to worry about, so that's disgusting!
I believe Mexico is somewhere you can visit as you don't need a visa- I looked this up as its our favourite holiday destination. Just can't fly with TUI. I really recommend it.
Inthemoment it's good to hear about people living as family units again. The last 6 months living separate have been awful for both us and our daughter. I get so scared of SS keeping him away forever.
I believe Mexico is somewhere you can visit as you don't need a visa- I looked this up as its our favourite holiday destination. Just can't fly with TUI. I really recommend it.
Inthemoment it's good to hear about people living as family units again. The last 6 months living separate have been awful for both us and our daughter. I get so scared of SS keeping him away forever.
Inthemoment, what do you mean closure of EU due to ETIAS? Don't tell me we're stuck in this bloody country!!!
Unfortunately the ETIAS system will require disclosure of convictions for 10 years (20 for more serious ones) and will potentially mean that our men will be denied entry into most, if not all European countries.
I've pretty much given up on the idea of travelling abroad again, with him at least.
I've pretty much given up on the idea of travelling abroad again, with him at least.
I didn't think it was an immediate no with Etias, it's just the visa has to be processed manually.
Don't think the system is designed to change the approach to who can enter EU countries, or stop people with convictions from going on holiday, looks more aimed at stopped illegal immigration and having better information on who's in the country so can catch those who commit crimes while abroad. I guess could also be to stop serious criminals who pose high risk, and there's a grey area for online offences so may be more difficult. But am hoping there'll be some sense in the system!
Demeanor, I will PM you.
My understanding of etias is that it is designed to stop traffickers and serious contact offenders, rather than internet offenders. That is my hope.
My understanding of etias is that it is designed to stop traffickers and serious contact offenders, rather than internet offenders. That is my hope.
I don't mean to minimise any impact but just for my mental state can we get some uplifting outlookings/stories up in here, please? Anything helps at this point xxx
I'm glad to be a language teacher so despite the imminent cancellation there is a job I can still do linked close to what I was doing x
I'm glad to be a language teacher so despite the imminent cancellation there is a job I can still do linked close to what I was doing x
On another note, I'm excited about going on holidays to Italy - such a beautiful country and if you squint your eyes it's almost like being in LA with your family haha!
Demeanor, I agree, uplifting stories, positive outcomes, little wins, would be so good to read, and helpful for our mental health. A bit of balance! Shall we suggest to the moderators that such a section be added to the forum?
I think ours is a positive story.
Arrested, he had to live apart from us due to our young family, but social services happy for me to supervise and for him to be in the house at all times other than for sleeping. We found a cheap long stay hotel for around £700/month which we just about managed with help from my parents. I do still owe them £10k though from the solicitor fees.
Had good support and understanding from our parents and didn't tell anyone else other than my sibling who sadly doesn't speak to us.
The inform courses were really helpful for both of us. He got therapy. It's made a huge difference to him
Sentenced 11 months after arrest and home permanently and full time within 5 months of that.
He lost his job as needed security clearance and that was awful but he's got a new job which is far less stressful - we have less money but more family time.
No SHPO as solicitor argued the offence was historical (3.5 years prior to arrest), so no device checking etc. The 3 year community order is dragging on as he's having to do a course but they've taken 2.5 years to organise it. But it's all done within the next 6 months and he'll then have a clear basic DBS which is helpful for future jobs
Have managed a trip to Disney Paris with the kids and hoping to get another one in before ETIAS. ETIAS is a grey area for our offenders as we will have to disclose the offence for I think 10 or 15 years and some countries may refuse, we don't know yet. I think it's not fully implemented until this time next year!
Arrested, he had to live apart from us due to our young family, but social services happy for me to supervise and for him to be in the house at all times other than for sleeping. We found a cheap long stay hotel for around £700/month which we just about managed with help from my parents. I do still owe them £10k though from the solicitor fees.
Had good support and understanding from our parents and didn't tell anyone else other than my sibling who sadly doesn't speak to us.
The inform courses were really helpful for both of us. He got therapy. It's made a huge difference to him
Sentenced 11 months after arrest and home permanently and full time within 5 months of that.
He lost his job as needed security clearance and that was awful but he's got a new job which is far less stressful - we have less money but more family time.
No SHPO as solicitor argued the offence was historical (3.5 years prior to arrest), so no device checking etc. The 3 year community order is dragging on as he's having to do a course but they've taken 2.5 years to organise it. But it's all done within the next 6 months and he'll then have a clear basic DBS which is helpful for future jobs
Have managed a trip to Disney Paris with the kids and hoping to get another one in before ETIAS. ETIAS is a grey area for our offenders as we will have to disclose the offence for I think 10 or 15 years and some countries may refuse, we don't know yet. I think it's not fully implemented until this time next year!
Thank you for the glimmers of hope Inthemoment!
Any other positive progress out there? In desperate need of cheering up this week.
Any other positive progress out there? In desperate need of cheering up this week.
I lost my job after my husband's arrest (security clearance reasons) - meant I had to completely change career because in my industry security clearance was pretty standard, but I very quickly pivoted into a new career that I enjoy far far more. I remember feeling like my whole world was falling apart but really haven't felt that way in a long time now. Can actually say I love my job for the first time in my life lol.
We've also done plenty of European travel since both arrest and conviction - have to avoid family resorts but that was never our scene anyway! We don't have children which I know does make a lot of things easier.
Life does go on. It won't be the same but that doesn't have to be all negatives x
We've also done plenty of European travel since both arrest and conviction - have to avoid family resorts but that was never our scene anyway! We don't have children which I know does make a lot of things easier.
Life does go on. It won't be the same but that doesn't have to be all negatives x
Hi Yellowshell
How come you lost your job? That doesn't seem fair?
xx
How come you lost your job? That doesn't seem fair?
xx
I certainly agree that losing my job felt pretty unfair! I required a level of security clearance that didn't just care about me but also people associated with me. It's not something that 99% of people would have to worry about.
