Just need to tell my story to people who understand
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I don't know if anyone will read this but I need to write it down. My family and friends are amazing but I need people who understand what's happening to me.
I got the knock 7 months ago. Husband (5 years) was at work and I (luckily) was the only one in (I have a 3 year old son who was staying at nanny's that night).
They searched my house for devices but didn't find any- they took his phone for download. They also took a picture of one of his tops that was drying on my maiden.
He phoned me whilst in holding and the first thing he said was "your going to hate me". Later to be told he was talking to a child he believed to be 13. Not allowed unsupervised with our child (procedure not became they believe he was at risk)
He refuses to talk much about what's happening. Not telling me when his bail was changed until I asked him on the day. I eventually ended up emailing the police lady to get confirmation. He has now been charged (unsure for what) and court date in June- still not telling me dates.
He sees my child regularly. I tell him we aren't together anymore (changed mine and my sons name to my maiden name) but we still act like we're together. When I see him, he's just the man I married. My brain can't accept that he isn't that man.
Me and my son have moved towns incase it comes out in the media.
I don't understand what is wrong with me. Why am I never enough for someone? (past truma).
The thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore are decreasing but I genuinely think, the only reason for that is my son. I couldn't cope without him.
I got the knock 7 months ago. Husband (5 years) was at work and I (luckily) was the only one in (I have a 3 year old son who was staying at nanny's that night).
They searched my house for devices but didn't find any- they took his phone for download. They also took a picture of one of his tops that was drying on my maiden.
He phoned me whilst in holding and the first thing he said was "your going to hate me". Later to be told he was talking to a child he believed to be 13. Not allowed unsupervised with our child (procedure not became they believe he was at risk)
He refuses to talk much about what's happening. Not telling me when his bail was changed until I asked him on the day. I eventually ended up emailing the police lady to get confirmation. He has now been charged (unsure for what) and court date in June- still not telling me dates.
He sees my child regularly. I tell him we aren't together anymore (changed mine and my sons name to my maiden name) but we still act like we're together. When I see him, he's just the man I married. My brain can't accept that he isn't that man.
Me and my son have moved towns incase it comes out in the media.
I don't understand what is wrong with me. Why am I never enough for someone? (past truma).
The thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore are decreasing but I genuinely think, the only reason for that is my son. I couldn't cope without him.
I'm going to say two things very quickly.
Firstly, for me it helped to think of it as a bereavement. I was grieving for the person I thought I'd married and the life I thought we had. And like all grief, it does begin to pass. Time really is a healer.
Secondly, you did NOTHING wrong. This wasn't your fault in any way. Literally no one forced your ex to talk sexually to a young teen (real or decoy). They come up with all kinds of excuses, including 'my relationship wasn't fulfilling' blah blah. Ignore them.
Also he has absolutely no business refusing to talk to you about it. He is treating you, and by extension his child, horribly. I guess for me that would influence how I felt about facilitating access. I would also be suspicious regarding the charges, given how cagey he's being. To me it sounds like there may be more there than you know about. In your shoes I'd give him an ultimatum re information before supervising any more access. I'd want photos of the charging paperwork, a court date and disclosure with the police as a starting point.
Firstly, for me it helped to think of it as a bereavement. I was grieving for the person I thought I'd married and the life I thought we had. And like all grief, it does begin to pass. Time really is a healer.
Secondly, you did NOTHING wrong. This wasn't your fault in any way. Literally no one forced your ex to talk sexually to a young teen (real or decoy). They come up with all kinds of excuses, including 'my relationship wasn't fulfilling' blah blah. Ignore them.
Also he has absolutely no business refusing to talk to you about it. He is treating you, and by extension his child, horribly. I guess for me that would influence how I felt about facilitating access. I would also be suspicious regarding the charges, given how cagey he's being. To me it sounds like there may be more there than you know about. In your shoes I'd give him an ultimatum re information before supervising any more access. I'd want photos of the charging paperwork, a court date and disclosure with the police as a starting point.
Just to add that I hope you have someone out there in real life telling you how well you're doing, how much this isn't on you and how you deserve so much more. Because its all true.
My husband of 32 years tried to blame me for his actions but I'm pretty sure most blokes who don't get as much sex or the sort of sex they want don't go down this offending route
Please be kind to yourself and you have done nothing wrong and didn't deserve to be treated this way.
I would highly recommend counselling if you can source some or the Talking Forward charity - the online meetings were a godsend to me being able to talk openly to people who understood because they were in the same situation
Please be kind to yourself and you have done nothing wrong and didn't deserve to be treated this way.
I would highly recommend counselling if you can source some or the Talking Forward charity - the online meetings were a godsend to me being able to talk openly to people who understood because they were in the same situation
