Adjusting to this new way of life (until sentencing anyway)
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Hello all,
I am writing this post as I feel I need a community of people that understand exactly what I am going through day to day!
So the knock happened in August last year. Completely out of the blue. The most wonderful husband, father to our 4 children. Since then I have experienced the lowest points of my life and feel the last 12 years the person i was married to was a complete stranger.
Husband was arrested for communicating with an underage girl. He was immediately allowed no contact with our children. That was the hardest time for all of us. Hearing the children cry them selves to sleep etc. He wasn't even allowed to send a card to our 17 year old son on his birthday!
Husband was the lowest I had ever seen him. Full of shame and trying to understand how this had happened and why his normal reaction to this hadnt kicked in. He has since had loads of therapy, EDMR and now doing a recovery programme. And he has really changed his whole lifestyle. He has also been diagnosed with ADHD.
I then found out a few weeks later that this had escalated from a porn addiction (he was exposed to porn at just 11 years old) again I had no idea about any of this!
I have been signed off work since it all happened. Trying to get through one day at a time. I feel like I am floating around in a bubble.
He is now able to have supervised visits at our home but I hate the feeling of walking on egg shells constantly. I have chosen to support him through this at the moment but I guess time will tell.
Sorry for the long post!!
I am writing this post as I feel I need a community of people that understand exactly what I am going through day to day!
So the knock happened in August last year. Completely out of the blue. The most wonderful husband, father to our 4 children. Since then I have experienced the lowest points of my life and feel the last 12 years the person i was married to was a complete stranger.
Husband was arrested for communicating with an underage girl. He was immediately allowed no contact with our children. That was the hardest time for all of us. Hearing the children cry them selves to sleep etc. He wasn't even allowed to send a card to our 17 year old son on his birthday!
Husband was the lowest I had ever seen him. Full of shame and trying to understand how this had happened and why his normal reaction to this hadnt kicked in. He has since had loads of therapy, EDMR and now doing a recovery programme. And he has really changed his whole lifestyle. He has also been diagnosed with ADHD.
I then found out a few weeks later that this had escalated from a porn addiction (he was exposed to porn at just 11 years old) again I had no idea about any of this!
I have been signed off work since it all happened. Trying to get through one day at a time. I feel like I am floating around in a bubble.
He is now able to have supervised visits at our home but I hate the feeling of walking on egg shells constantly. I have chosen to support him through this at the moment but I guess time will tell.
Sorry for the long post!!
Hi, I recently posted today as my first post and our situations are very similar. Mine was only 6 weeks ago so just wanted to say well done for getting this far. I'm just trying to get through each hour of the day for my kids.
Did they ever get use to the new normal while your husband wasn't allowed access? It's so unfair we have to help them with their emotional load from missing their dads when not our fault. I have two birthdays coming up and I'm so scared I'm not going to be able to do enough to distract them. my 4 are all 12 and under.
I felt with my children being so young the choice has been taken from me because of his actions. His addiction also predates me and I can't get past that betrayal and not actually knowing the person I thought I knew best in the world.
Did they ever get use to the new normal while your husband wasn't allowed access? It's so unfair we have to help them with their emotional load from missing their dads when not our fault. I have two birthdays coming up and I'm so scared I'm not going to be able to do enough to distract them. my 4 are all 12 and under.
I felt with my children being so young the choice has been taken from me because of his actions. His addiction also predates me and I can't get past that betrayal and not actually knowing the person I thought I knew best in the world.
I feel very similar to you guys. It's been 12 weeks today since the knock and I'm just not dealing with all the uncertainty of it all. Husband (now ex) is currently on bail for IIOC he has told police he downloaded to sell and he has not opened the images as not into children and in the end just deleted the files. Not sure what to believe but just got to wait for forensics. I've two kids and they didn't see dad for the 1st two months while SS sorted themselves out and we were under section47. Now he is having 2x2 hours a week with the kids all supervised by me as no friend or family who will do this. I managed to stay in work for the first month but when my kids were getting so upset, not sleeping and then youngest talking about suicide I went off sick. Now at the point I don't know what to do as it feels like I have no control over my life and we are in this hell of limbo! If I go back to work I walk into a written warning and cannot be off at all for the next 12 months (was off last year due to injury) or could lose my job. Due the kids generally struggling to go to school at least once every week and also once forensics come back and decisions 're cos then court/prison I feel like I should just stay off until we know what's going to happen as I know I will go to pieces if his name and picture released or goes to court. Currently I just keep randomly crying as well lol! Which is very strange as not usually like that.
It's just so unfair that mine and my kids lives have been turned upside down and it's not our fault. That I have to deal with everyone's emotions and am essentially now a single parent and lying to the majority of my friends and family which I am finding so difficult. Sorry for the main but it all just resonates with me
It's just so unfair that mine and my kids lives have been turned upside down and it's not our fault. That I have to deal with everyone's emotions and am essentially now a single parent and lying to the majority of my friends and family which I am finding so difficult. Sorry for the main but it all just resonates with me
