Hi, I recently posted today as my first post and our situations are very similar. Mine was only 6 weeks ago so just wanted to say well done for getting this far. I'm just trying to get through each hour of the day for my kids.
Did they ever get use to the new normal while your husband wasn't allowed access? It's so unfair we have to help them with their emotional load from missing their dads when not our fault. I have two birthdays coming up and I'm so scared I'm not going to be able to do enough to distract them. my 4 are all 12 and under.
I felt with my children being so young the choice has been taken from me because of his actions. His addiction also predates me and I can't get past that betrayal and not actually knowing the person I thought I knew best in the world.

I feel very similar to you guys. It's been 12 weeks today since the knock and I'm just not dealing with all the uncertainty of it all. Husband (now ex) is currently on bail for IIOC he has told police he downloaded to sell and he has not opened the images as not into children and in the end just deleted the files. Not sure what to believe but just got to wait for forensics. I've two kids and they didn't see dad for the 1st two months while SS sorted themselves out and we were under section47. Now he is having 2x2 hours a week with the kids all supervised by me as no friend or family who will do this. I managed to stay in work for the first month but when my kids were getting so upset, not sleeping and then youngest talking about suicide I went off sick. Now at the point I don't know what to do as it feels like I have no control over my life and we are in this hell of limbo! If I go back to work I walk into a written warning and cannot be off at all for the next 12 months (was off last year due to injury) or could lose my job. Due the kids generally struggling to go to school at least once every week and also once forensics come back and decisions 're cos then court/prison I feel like I should just stay off until we know what's going to happen as I know I will go to pieces if his name and picture released or goes to court. Currently I just keep randomly crying as well lol! Which is very strange as not usually like that.

It's just so unfair that mine and my kids lives have been turned upside down and it's not our fault. That I have to deal with everyone's emotions and am essentially now a single parent and lying to the majority of my friends and family which I am finding so difficult. Sorry for the main but it all just resonates with me

All I can say is it gets easier. I know this will sound harsh, but its worth thinking of yourself as a single mother now. The process is so slow and even if you want to maintain the relationship, its such a long road to your OH getting any unsupervised access. So you will effectively be a single parent for years. I'm nearly three years in and my ex (I chose to leave) is only at the plea hearing stage, though his case has been unusually slow. For me leaving meant I could really focus on my children and their well-being without trying to sort out a sexually incontinent 'extra child' and his issues and emotions at the same time (can you tell I'm not very patient with him!). But lots of people here are 'stayers' and can advise on the practicalities of that. Just be 100% honest with your children....make sure they know they can trust you going forward as it'll be a long road. I want mine to be able to look back in their 20s and 30s and know I was honest with them and always put them first. The hardest bit is having to be the strong solid thing in their world every day no matter how shit you feel yourself. If its any consolation mine are doing really well three years on. I still remember big landmarks looking back - stuff like our first holiday as a family of three - and am amazed at how far we've come. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but I also wouldn't go back to our old life either if that makes sense.