How did you manage to get signed off from your SW if you don't mind me asking?

I had to leave Felt like my head would explode with all the lies I was telling and being told Took me a while to reach that conclusion but zero regrets

It's a hard one I sometimes think it's the easier option than staying

No right or wrong though

I left. No regrets. I think children should come first in navigating all this - they haven't done anything wrong and are completely dependent on us for their wellbeing. Its a brutal process and nearly three years down the road (and still ongoing!) I'm just glad I and my children have some distance. The strain is still there, but its much much easier to deal with. There's a big element of "not my circus not my monkeys" now! If I was still with OH I know I would be far too immersed in his self-inflicted woes, emotionally and practically, and my kids would be the losers. So I can really focus on my children. The ex still sees them, supervised by me.

I'm only 2 months into this process, was told not to rush any decisions, have done my research on what the consequences could be and some of which will be definite. The time frames, the social services and uncertain future.
I've done not much else- besides try to find new normal now being solely responsible for my 4 young children mortgage and household - then think about what's best for us. Me. And the kids.



emotionally and mentally I can honestly say I'm not ready to say it's over. However, I've weighed all pros and cons. Took away my feelings and saw what was left. Realistically, he won't be home for years full time. He will struggle with work. He won't get anywhere to rent locally. Everyone knows like schools and close family. Taking on his emotional turmoil and pressure of what's to come investigation and court dates and even possibly media.
These are his choices and decisions that lead him here, and frankly I have the mental load of my children and futures to think of. Also the betrayal of this part of him I never knew about. He may be a good man that's done a bad thing, doesn't mean we should put our life on hold for him to get his sh't together.
Officially told him last week we are separated. It hurts. But Im determined I can make the future normal, even brighter and safer for my children.
Look at what your future may look like or what you want it to look like and if that's possible with a partner with possible convictions and restrictions. and make the best decisions for you and your children first and foremost.

This is so well written just above. Similar situation to me - the SW that came out to do the original assessment on us said it's all so raw, and I will make the right decision eventually it maybe took longer for some to see in SS eyes but i finally made that decision. It happened to us in September last year, we had a big family holiday to America in October / November, and then it was Christmas. We had a lot of talks about the future, and it settled into my head what that may look like going forwards for myself and my daughter. No weekends away, no holidays, people knowing the situation as ours was live streamed all over social media, the worry of his work going forwards, financially. I can't put us through all of that, as well as the horrific experience with SS which we have just been allocated a new one and thankfully is a lot more understanding to the situation, and I actually don't feel scared to talk to her about things but looking forwards I've got myself in the mindset of the positives I can have with my little girl, booked our first holiday abroad, started to go on days out together not having to worry about him being there and bumping into someone we may know, and them knowing the situation as that was always nerve wracking. It's all such a long process and it happens in steps. The social worker who spoke to me back in November said I will get there and at the point i couldn'r see it but now I can and I am GLAD i am at the point.