Days on from sentencing, life feels... normalish?
Notifications OFF
I know the title looks crazy and it isn't entirely true. I've been waking up more anxious than ever, heart pounding really badly. Thank god I recently started therapy, one from this site, and she's been really supportive about the prospect of me building a future with my partner. SO has been very understanding, answering all my questions, making all my meals and generally trying to calm me as I try decide what I'll do. I think I'm leaning towards staying which I know sounds like a crazy idea - we're not married but have been planning that and we don't live together but were going to. I just can't imagine life without SO.
I guess I wonder if it's inevitable that people find out. That was my biggest fear but there was no media at all. SO is already estranged from family and I'm set to be estranged from family too so I wonder how much kids will appear in our life. SHPO is for 5 years and SRO is for 10 (and I'm pretty sure you need to tell the guardians of kids who you're around for more than 12 hours? correct me if I'm wrong) and if this is something that we can just wait out. We're both pretty young, early 20s, far from when people start having kids. I'm trying to imagine dealing with social services when I want kids and it's hard to think about. Does any of this ever get easier? Do people generally find out?
I guess I wonder if it's inevitable that people find out. That was my biggest fear but there was no media at all. SO is already estranged from family and I'm set to be estranged from family too so I wonder how much kids will appear in our life. SHPO is for 5 years and SRO is for 10 (and I'm pretty sure you need to tell the guardians of kids who you're around for more than 12 hours? correct me if I'm wrong) and if this is something that we can just wait out. We're both pretty young, early 20s, far from when people start having kids. I'm trying to imagine dealing with social services when I want kids and it's hard to think about. Does any of this ever get easier? Do people generally find out?
Hi, I’ve just noticed that you haven’t received a reply yet. I may not have all the answers to your questions, but I’ll help where I can.
As you managed to avoid media attention, the likelihood is that people will only find out if you, your OH, the police, or probation decide that disclosure is necessary. Your person’s offender manager or probation officer may decide that disclosure needs to be made to family members or friends who have children, particularly if those children are likely to spend time with your OH, but that isn’t always the case. A lot will depend on the specific SHPO restrictions and the level of risk professionals believe there to be.
It is also a legal requirement for anyone on the SOR to notify the police if they stay or reside for 12 hours or more in any household or private address where a person under the age of 18 is present.
I’m not sure it ever becomes “easy” to deal with, but over time it does become something you learn to live alongside. We’ve found it helps to take things one step at a time and focus on what’s directly in front of us, rather than worrying too much about what the future may look like. Things can feel overwhelming in the beginning, but with time you find your own way of coping and adjusting.
As you managed to avoid media attention, the likelihood is that people will only find out if you, your OH, the police, or probation decide that disclosure is necessary. Your person’s offender manager or probation officer may decide that disclosure needs to be made to family members or friends who have children, particularly if those children are likely to spend time with your OH, but that isn’t always the case. A lot will depend on the specific SHPO restrictions and the level of risk professionals believe there to be.
It is also a legal requirement for anyone on the SOR to notify the police if they stay or reside for 12 hours or more in any household or private address where a person under the age of 18 is present.
I’m not sure it ever becomes “easy” to deal with, but over time it does become something you learn to live alongside. We’ve found it helps to take things one step at a time and focus on what’s directly in front of us, rather than worrying too much about what the future may look like. Things can feel overwhelming in the beginning, but with time you find your own way of coping and adjusting.
Thank you for sharing .
im not too far off where you are now , we have our plea hearing on 17 June .
can I ask what shop restrictions your other half received please as this is the bit I'm worried about as we have a 6 year old who is desperate to have dad back .
im not too far off where you are now , we have our plea hearing on 17 June .
can I ask what shop restrictions your other half received please as this is the bit I'm worried about as we have a 6 year old who is desperate to have dad back .
Hey,
We are nearly 2 years post sentencing and 5.5 years post arrest. There was no media at the court for us, which we were super thankful for.
After OH arrest I split with him, and turned to my best friend. When I decided a month later to support my OH and give it another go, she told a fair few people (propel that we never see and live away from).
Nothing was out on social media. Nothing has effected out lives (apart from that). He was given 7 years SHPO and 10 years SOR. He finished probation, done courses whilst waiting for sentencing and honestly we've seen his OIC about three times.
After sentencing I thought it would really effect us. We hardly have children in our circle of friends and family, and if there is then it easy to make an excuse and no one has suspected anything. We go on holidays every years, both have good jobs and has gave me hope that there actually was light at the end of the tunnel.
The people who need to know (brother and sister) due to kids, know and the people that don't, don't.
We have both done therapy, separately and also couples therapy and are due to be married soon. If you want to stay with your OH, just know you can live a relatively 'notmal' life somewhere down the line xx
We are nearly 2 years post sentencing and 5.5 years post arrest. There was no media at the court for us, which we were super thankful for.
After OH arrest I split with him, and turned to my best friend. When I decided a month later to support my OH and give it another go, she told a fair few people (propel that we never see and live away from).
Nothing was out on social media. Nothing has effected out lives (apart from that). He was given 7 years SHPO and 10 years SOR. He finished probation, done courses whilst waiting for sentencing and honestly we've seen his OIC about three times.
After sentencing I thought it would really effect us. We hardly have children in our circle of friends and family, and if there is then it easy to make an excuse and no one has suspected anything. We go on holidays every years, both have good jobs and has gave me hope that there actually was light at the end of the tunnel.
The people who need to know (brother and sister) due to kids, know and the people that don't, don't.
We have both done therapy, separately and also couples therapy and are due to be married soon. If you want to stay with your OH, just know you can live a relatively 'notmal' life somewhere down the line xx
Hi MC96,
was just wondering if I could private message you to discuss a few things you've mentioned? Thanks
was just wondering if I could private message you to discuss a few things you've mentioned? Thanks
Thank you so much for all of these responses! It is so hard to not feel like our lives together have been severly hamstrung but my therapist and this forum have been a massive help, especially hearing from people facing down the same things as us.
There's only one family member on their side who maybe could be disclosed to but again, they don't interact with their family so maybe not? I'm glad for the privacy, it really does make this easier. Hearing that it's not likely to get out is comforting because I think it's the thought of other people judging me for staying that is really hard to handle. I think it's impossible to know what you'd do in this situation unless you were actually in it.
There's only one family member on their side who maybe could be disclosed to but again, they don't interact with their family so maybe not? I'm glad for the privacy, it really does make this easier. Hearing that it's not likely to get out is comforting because I think it's the thought of other people judging me for staying that is really hard to handle. I think it's impossible to know what you'd do in this situation unless you were actually in it.
