What happens now?
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Hello
I have a 3 year old and a 10month old baby. My relationship with my mum has been strained over the past few months (for other reasons) and myself and the kids haven't seen her or my step dad in a few months. Prior both my mum and step dad would take my son out for day trips a few times a month and they would come round to visit the baby.
I'm in complete shock and disbelief, I received a phone call from my mum earlier this morning, my step dad has been arrested last night- for talking to a minor online. My mum became angry with me during the phone call, as I asked if my children had ever been alone with my step dad, she has said she no longer wants to speak with me and how could I ask such a question.
I'm truly devastated about it all. I just want to know what would likely happen next? Would this trigger a referral to social services? What usually happens from them and what should I do?
Thank you in advance
I have a 3 year old and a 10month old baby. My relationship with my mum has been strained over the past few months (for other reasons) and myself and the kids haven't seen her or my step dad in a few months. Prior both my mum and step dad would take my son out for day trips a few times a month and they would come round to visit the baby.
I'm in complete shock and disbelief, I received a phone call from my mum earlier this morning, my step dad has been arrested last night- for talking to a minor online. My mum became angry with me during the phone call, as I asked if my children had ever been alone with my step dad, she has said she no longer wants to speak with me and how could I ask such a question.
I'm truly devastated about it all. I just want to know what would likely happen next? Would this trigger a referral to social services? What usually happens from them and what should I do?
Thank you in advance
Hello - and I'm sorry you have had such a horrible shock about your step dad. Is he home now on precharge bail?
Social services may well contact you and ask about your relationship with him, I'm not sure whether 3 is too young for your child to be asked any questions about him in the past but if you say you never see him now and don't intend to they will probably leave it there as there would be no risk to your children now.
As for your Mum, she will be in a state of shock herself and I hope her reaction to you came from that as it's such early days at the moment. I only know what you've written about your relationship with her and how there are problems but she will really need some support as she deals with this - that doesn't mean it has to be from you but perhaps you could try speaking to her again and seeing if she has calmed down. What you asked her is an obvious thing for you to worry about but at the moment she will be trying to make sense of things and hoping and praying that her partner is innocent and this is all a huge mistake. Only you know your mum and her personality, but this bombshell can cause huge trauma to those connected with the offenders. Of course if your step dad is still living with her you will need to navigate the fact that you don't want him to come to your house as that would trigger a safeguarding issue with social services.
This is such a tricky situation to navigate and only you can know how much involvement you want to have with your Mum. At the very least you could point her towards the Lucy Faithfull hotline where she would find some impartial and non judgmental help.
All the best x
Social services may well contact you and ask about your relationship with him, I'm not sure whether 3 is too young for your child to be asked any questions about him in the past but if you say you never see him now and don't intend to they will probably leave it there as there would be no risk to your children now.
As for your Mum, she will be in a state of shock herself and I hope her reaction to you came from that as it's such early days at the moment. I only know what you've written about your relationship with her and how there are problems but she will really need some support as she deals with this - that doesn't mean it has to be from you but perhaps you could try speaking to her again and seeing if she has calmed down. What you asked her is an obvious thing for you to worry about but at the moment she will be trying to make sense of things and hoping and praying that her partner is innocent and this is all a huge mistake. Only you know your mum and her personality, but this bombshell can cause huge trauma to those connected with the offenders. Of course if your step dad is still living with her you will need to navigate the fact that you don't want him to come to your house as that would trigger a safeguarding issue with social services.
This is such a tricky situation to navigate and only you can know how much involvement you want to have with your Mum. At the very least you could point her towards the Lucy Faithfull hotline where she would find some impartial and non judgmental help.
All the best x
