10 weeks on
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Hi everyone. It's been 10 weeks now since the knock and since my life completely changed overnight. I've moved out of our shared flat and into my own flat which I'm hoping will remove seeing my ex-partner in every corner. He's still held on remand and I've had no contact with him apart from one letter which just focused on how he feels. I'm trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other, but I miss him. I miss my old life. I miss being happy. Yet that feels really confusing when in reality he was keeping all of this from me (possession, distribution & communication). I feel like I can't move on until he is sentenced in September.
You have to grieving your past life, which takes a lot of time. Some therapy may help here as its a lot to process. You may be entitled to therapy through StopSO they do mostly therapy for offenders but do also help those who have been impacted by someone who offends like their partner/ex partner.
It does get easier as time goes on.
It does get easier as time goes on.
Hi ????
I'm 8 weeks in from the knock although some days feels like it was years ago and others just last week.
I've also had no contact for several weeks, then a letter stating about his therapy and courses and how he feels and the shame oh the shame.
Personally, it made me more angry to hear from him in written format and all woe is me but no courage to call me and face me. Although I appreciated the space to think rather then react so maybe it was for the best.
I go through days where the utter betrayal swamps me but I have the children to focus on who all lost that dad for over 2 months now and it's kept me very busy. I've also seen gp, signed up for therapy and booking lots of little appointments just for me to be me and focus on what I need. Lashes for fun, clothes for confidence, tattoos for therapy lol. It's helping me look forward rather then back. The distance helps, one day I hope all these little things will help me see what I want too.
chat to the people on and sign up for the inform course I hope to start that soon too. I think understanding the whys help you know it's not you, nothing we did and most definitely not our fault. And it's ok to miss them and grieve what you had and what you thought your future looked like. It's a grieving process. No matter if you stay in the relationship or not, either way the future has changed. The old relationship is no more because of the lies. A new one has to be built, it's our choice whether that's romantically, friendship or zero contact.
I'm 8 weeks in from the knock although some days feels like it was years ago and others just last week.
I've also had no contact for several weeks, then a letter stating about his therapy and courses and how he feels and the shame oh the shame.
Personally, it made me more angry to hear from him in written format and all woe is me but no courage to call me and face me. Although I appreciated the space to think rather then react so maybe it was for the best.
I go through days where the utter betrayal swamps me but I have the children to focus on who all lost that dad for over 2 months now and it's kept me very busy. I've also seen gp, signed up for therapy and booking lots of little appointments just for me to be me and focus on what I need. Lashes for fun, clothes for confidence, tattoos for therapy lol. It's helping me look forward rather then back. The distance helps, one day I hope all these little things will help me see what I want too.
chat to the people on and sign up for the inform course I hope to start that soon too. I think understanding the whys help you know it's not you, nothing we did and most definitely not our fault. And it's ok to miss them and grieve what you had and what you thought your future looked like. It's a grieving process. No matter if you stay in the relationship or not, either way the future has changed. The old relationship is no more because of the lies. A new one has to be built, it's our choice whether that's romantically, friendship or zero contact.
Thanks both of you for your kind words and shared experiences.
Sunshine&rainbows, thank you. I'll look into the inform course / therapy through StopSO as a few have mentioned that they are really valuable.
Mammabear, it sounds like you're doing amazingly for your two kids. I had a similar letter from him that was all woe is me and how he is feeling. No attempt to call or try and face me. So cowardly. He's in contact with his parents who are also in complete denial about what he's done.
Trying to find small moments of joy the best I can. But mourning the moments we had together over 5 years and the future I had planned with him.
Sunshine&rainbows, thank you. I'll look into the inform course / therapy through StopSO as a few have mentioned that they are really valuable.
Mammabear, it sounds like you're doing amazingly for your two kids. I had a similar letter from him that was all woe is me and how he is feeling. No attempt to call or try and face me. So cowardly. He's in contact with his parents who are also in complete denial about what he's done.
Trying to find small moments of joy the best I can. But mourning the moments we had together over 5 years and the future I had planned with him.
