Trying to move forward….
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After a little help…. Little did I know having court result really doesn’t change anything when it comes to social services. Had our 12th CP conference last week and felt like we almost went backwards.
Gonna try say this as briefly as possible, to hope that more people will read and give ANY advice.
I have been trying to become a supervisor for my husband around our children since day one but they always felt I trusted my oh too much.
He pleaded guilty to 1x making an indecent image (watched a video for 6seconds, but seems they think we are downplaying it by saying this, even though, that is the fact)
I’ve completed 4x sessions with make a change,
I’ve had my assessment before the trial, all was good but they decided not to proceed until after trial. Now it has been put on hold, because of the factors above.
Recommended to do an inform course, I cannot work out how I even sign up to this… but also feels like they keep moving the goalpost to get me as a supervisor.
PPU rated OH as high risk.
Probation rated as medium.
So two very different assessments. PPU only met him once so far, probation have now met him 3x.
Completely losing the will to keep going but I just want my children to experience a normal ish life.
What more do they need from me/us?
any help, advice is hugely appreciated!
Gonna try say this as briefly as possible, to hope that more people will read and give ANY advice.
I have been trying to become a supervisor for my husband around our children since day one but they always felt I trusted my oh too much.
He pleaded guilty to 1x making an indecent image (watched a video for 6seconds, but seems they think we are downplaying it by saying this, even though, that is the fact)
I’ve completed 4x sessions with make a change,
I’ve had my assessment before the trial, all was good but they decided not to proceed until after trial. Now it has been put on hold, because of the factors above.
Recommended to do an inform course, I cannot work out how I even sign up to this… but also feels like they keep moving the goalpost to get me as a supervisor.
PPU rated OH as high risk.
Probation rated as medium.
So two very different assessments. PPU only met him once so far, probation have now met him 3x.
Completely losing the will to keep going but I just want my children to experience a normal ish life.
What more do they need from me/us?
any help, advice is hugely appreciated!
This is identical to what happened to me.
i put a lot of work in and although my social worker at the time suggested i supervised his supervisor said no until after the court, even then i was still shot down as they wanted to give it more time and to assess my husband, suggest a indoeendant psych Assessment to be made on him as that was a game changer for us. Up until this point I was constantly told I had too strong of a bond with him, I mean he's a my husband but doesn't mean I wouldn't tell him straight when he's doing wrong.
I did a lot of write ups about how I could keep the children safe and acknowledged that there is a risk present (you will have to say that you accept you are welcoming a risk into the home) . Not saying you don't already do this but I had to make a clear point of it to them that I understand and I'm not minimising anything. It's hard work, but really hope you get there as I know how it feels to be a scrutinised for something you haven't done, just know it is possible and don't give up if it's what you truly want.
Also look at safety measures in the home you can implement such as cameras, door sensors, internet security etc, I stated that if allowed home my husband would also sleep separately to where the kids will be (my children are very young one only a few months), so spoken about having a spare bed up in another room.
i included this on my write up and I also wrote a paragraph about the signs of abuse and about how to spot the signs of manipulation and how to respond accordingly.
I spoke about if it ever got too much that I would end sessions and turn to my support network for assistance when needed, and to put myself first and be firm with my husband if he ever was to attempt to do something he shouldn't be.
I explained that even into the distant future I'd ensure that personal care is done out of his view and even things like going to the toilet I will ensure that I know where he is at all times. I said that I had no issues contacting them of the police immediately if he breached anything.
I really think the psychological assessment is the best way forward if they will fund it.
Hope that helps
i put a lot of work in and although my social worker at the time suggested i supervised his supervisor said no until after the court, even then i was still shot down as they wanted to give it more time and to assess my husband, suggest a indoeendant psych Assessment to be made on him as that was a game changer for us. Up until this point I was constantly told I had too strong of a bond with him, I mean he's a my husband but doesn't mean I wouldn't tell him straight when he's doing wrong.
I did a lot of write ups about how I could keep the children safe and acknowledged that there is a risk present (you will have to say that you accept you are welcoming a risk into the home) . Not saying you don't already do this but I had to make a clear point of it to them that I understand and I'm not minimising anything. It's hard work, but really hope you get there as I know how it feels to be a scrutinised for something you haven't done, just know it is possible and don't give up if it's what you truly want.
Also look at safety measures in the home you can implement such as cameras, door sensors, internet security etc, I stated that if allowed home my husband would also sleep separately to where the kids will be (my children are very young one only a few months), so spoken about having a spare bed up in another room.
i included this on my write up and I also wrote a paragraph about the signs of abuse and about how to spot the signs of manipulation and how to respond accordingly.
I spoke about if it ever got too much that I would end sessions and turn to my support network for assistance when needed, and to put myself first and be firm with my husband if he ever was to attempt to do something he shouldn't be.
I explained that even into the distant future I'd ensure that personal care is done out of his view and even things like going to the toilet I will ensure that I know where he is at all times. I said that I had no issues contacting them of the police immediately if he breached anything.
I really think the psychological assessment is the best way forward if they will fund it.
Hope that helps
