Having kids? Pregnancy?
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Hi.
Does anyone have advice or experience to share with having kids with someone on the SOR? My partner has a SHPO where he cannot be alone with under 18's.
He had to accept a guilty verdict and he was advised to to avoid a worser verdict in case it went to a jury but without saying too much. He is innocent (but evidence was against him), his family and him but he's now living with restrictions and such.
There's around 6 more years left on the SRO.
Has anyone had kids (I don't have any nor does he) and what was the process like? I keep seeing people aren't living together? I hope this isn't the case. I understand SS will have to get involved but I want to understand everything.
TIA
Does anyone have advice or experience to share with having kids with someone on the SOR? My partner has a SHPO where he cannot be alone with under 18's.
He had to accept a guilty verdict and he was advised to to avoid a worser verdict in case it went to a jury but without saying too much. He is innocent (but evidence was against him), his family and him but he's now living with restrictions and such.
There's around 6 more years left on the SRO.
Has anyone had kids (I don't have any nor does he) and what was the process like? I keep seeing people aren't living together? I hope this isn't the case. I understand SS will have to get involved but I want to understand everything.
TIA
My advice is to avoid SS getting involved in your lives at all costs.
Yes SS will be involved. As he isnt allowed access to anyone U18- they will come down on you quite hard I think. It will either be- you cannot live together or he has to be supervised all the time and SS will decide if you can supervise or not.
Sorry I couldnt offer some more postive advice but a few of us on here have had an awful time with SS.
If you do want to go down that route- be prepared to have to jump through hoops and constantly having to prove that you are a protective parent etc..
Sorry I couldnt offer some more postive advice but a few of us on here have had an awful time with SS.
If you do want to go down that route- be prepared to have to jump through hoops and constantly having to prove that you are a protective parent etc..
If he has been placed on the SOR with six years left, then he wasn't innocent. There was enough evidence to convict him.
StrawberryPie
Please please please be careful here. Because it hasn't gone to court you do not have full disclosure. Police, solicitors, barristers, probation officers etc will not be able to give you full disclosure. They will only be able to provide what information your person permits them to.
He will have been advised to plead guilty based on a solicitor telling him evidence is overwhelming and he would be found guilty with a strong possibility of custodial sentence.
I wish i didn't speak from experience but i do. Please please be careful x
Please please please be careful here. Because it hasn't gone to court you do not have full disclosure. Police, solicitors, barristers, probation officers etc will not be able to give you full disclosure. They will only be able to provide what information your person permits them to.
He will have been advised to plead guilty based on a solicitor telling him evidence is overwhelming and he would be found guilty with a strong possibility of custodial sentence.
I wish i didn't speak from experience but i do. Please please be careful x
I'm sorry but it doesn't sound like he's being truthful with you, as others have said he's been convicted and placed on the SOR with restrictions because there was sufficient evidence to do so.
Unfortunately 'innocent with evidence against him' is a contradiction, they can't both be true. I believe that social services would likely accuse you of not accepting and downplaying his offence which would be a big risk factor for them in deciding you can't adequately safeguard a child from him. Sorry I know that's not what you want to hear, but from an outsider's perspective you don't appear to believe he is guilty of the offence/s
Personally wouldnt have kids with him. I had an 8 month old baby when the knock happened. I was in PPD pit of hell at the time and due to it I litrally wanted nothing to do with the information in front of me. I just couldnt cope with having my world explode while I was holding onto reality for dear life before hand. And I had SS come down on me like a tonne of bricks and its took about 16 months for them to finally drop the narrative they dont believe I fully understand the seriousness and extent of my husband offending despite me telling them every 10 days what he had done. To say I am traumatised is an understatement. And I forsee SS going down the same path with you. They will think you know the full story because you say he is innocent and that you dont take the offence seriously due to that you could put your child in danger. They may make you have someone else supervise him with your child because of this too. You will have to live apart because of his SHPO unless he can get it changed which isnt always simple.
Hi, Well done on trying to find out as much information as you can before making such a huge decision. I won't share my experience but what I can say is if your partner currently has a SHPO that restricts him from having unsupervised contact with anyone under 18, then social services will treat that restriction as a very serious safeguarding indicator.
If you were to have a child, you would need to demonstrate to social services that you fully understand the risks identified by the court and that you’re able to put strong, practical safeguards in place. They will expect you to show insight, awareness, and a realistic understanding of why the SHPO exists.
One thing to be prepared for is that social services will not accept a position of “I believe he is innocent.” They work from the legal facts, not personal belief, and they often view denial — even from partners — as a sign that someone may struggle to protect a child. That can make assessments much harder.
There is also a real possibility that they may not allow him to continue living in the home if you had a baby. Their concern would be whether you could realistically supervise every minute of every day, 24/7, without gaps. From their perspective, even a short lapse in supervision could place a child at risk, and they will always prioritise the child’s safety above everything else.
None of this means it’s impossible, but it does mean the bar is very high, and the process can be emotionally and practically demanding. Going into it with your eyes open, and with a clear understanding of how professionals think, will give you the best chance of navigating it safely.
If you were to have a child, you would need to demonstrate to social services that you fully understand the risks identified by the court and that you’re able to put strong, practical safeguards in place. They will expect you to show insight, awareness, and a realistic understanding of why the SHPO exists.
One thing to be prepared for is that social services will not accept a position of “I believe he is innocent.” They work from the legal facts, not personal belief, and they often view denial — even from partners — as a sign that someone may struggle to protect a child. That can make assessments much harder.
There is also a real possibility that they may not allow him to continue living in the home if you had a baby. Their concern would be whether you could realistically supervise every minute of every day, 24/7, without gaps. From their perspective, even a short lapse in supervision could place a child at risk, and they will always prioritise the child’s safety above everything else.
None of this means it’s impossible, but it does mean the bar is very high, and the process can be emotionally and practically demanding. Going into it with your eyes open, and with a clear understanding of how professionals think, will give you the best chance of navigating it safely.
Hi,
I don't come on much anymore or reply much. Protecting my peace at all that. However, I couldn't read this and not give you hope.
I was 8 weeks pregnant at the knock. The whole case was resolved by the time I was 35 weeks pregnant. My now husband (yes I have since married him, and no I will not accept anybodies opinions on this, we had the blessing of all professionals involved in our story) never had to move out from our home. His restrictions are solely Internet based to reflect the actuality of the crime committed. He has no physical restrictions about being around children.
The only restriction like this are the ones imposed by the SOR itself. Such as, reporting if he resides with a child and letting them know if he will be in a place with a child for 12 hours or more. The first one is simple; yes he does, our 2 year old. The second, we simply don't allow that to happen so he never has to disclose it as per the SOR rules and his SHPO which state nothing about disclosure.
We closed to social care when our son was 15 days old and haven't heard a peep from them since. We found out at the very start of this year that we were expecting our second baby but unfortunately I had a missed miscarriage, which was picked up on my 12 week scan. Our midwife (same one we had with our son, who is 100% on our side with everything) had already submitted our referral to social care. Additionally, my husband's probation officer had also submitted a referral. We knew this was happening in both cases. Both professionals are ENTIRELY on our side in regard to the expansion of our family. When we lost the baby the probation officer contacted the social care team to update them. At which point she was informed they had closed the case 2 weeks prior and had no need to investigate anything as there have been no further allegations or convictions and therefore our circumstances haven't changed meaning we will not be subject to their scrutiny if we fall pregnant again. We will still have a referral completed to safeguard ourselves etc, so that nobody can say it wasn't done.
My husband has worked so hard since the conviction with his probation officer and has even been recommended to finish his time with her 4 months earlier than the court order states. We have been informed that this only happens on an extremely rare occasion. His VISOR is also on board with this as she has expressed he is very low risk and only visits our home twice a year maximum. The last time she was here less than 20 minutes and it was only to check my husband lived where he said he did because we had recently moved house (with a mortgage that's in both our names, it is possible to do so, just use a broker and never do it all yourself).
Ultimately, I know we are lucky despite this situation but I just wanted to show you it is possible. Our lives are essentially entirely normal. The only thing I worry about going forward is whether he'll qualify for an ETIAS. If not we are VERY limited as to where we can go on holiday as TUI won't let people travel with them anymore, but they are the only reasonably priced company that do holidays to Mexico/Caribbean etc where visas aren't needed. We have travelled abroad twice since the conviction, once to a family centred hotel when our son was 4 months old and then to Disneyland this past spring for our son. We will also be going abroad this August too. We have had no issues whatsoever on any of the occasions. Yes we know we have to go to a person at border control, however as we have an under 12 we have to do that regardless.
Please don't give up hope, but make sure you get full disclosure. I have had from day 1 due my job (I work in a school, haven't had to give it up and I have a clear DBS).
LR23xx
I don't come on much anymore or reply much. Protecting my peace at all that. However, I couldn't read this and not give you hope.
I was 8 weeks pregnant at the knock. The whole case was resolved by the time I was 35 weeks pregnant. My now husband (yes I have since married him, and no I will not accept anybodies opinions on this, we had the blessing of all professionals involved in our story) never had to move out from our home. His restrictions are solely Internet based to reflect the actuality of the crime committed. He has no physical restrictions about being around children.
The only restriction like this are the ones imposed by the SOR itself. Such as, reporting if he resides with a child and letting them know if he will be in a place with a child for 12 hours or more. The first one is simple; yes he does, our 2 year old. The second, we simply don't allow that to happen so he never has to disclose it as per the SOR rules and his SHPO which state nothing about disclosure.
We closed to social care when our son was 15 days old and haven't heard a peep from them since. We found out at the very start of this year that we were expecting our second baby but unfortunately I had a missed miscarriage, which was picked up on my 12 week scan. Our midwife (same one we had with our son, who is 100% on our side with everything) had already submitted our referral to social care. Additionally, my husband's probation officer had also submitted a referral. We knew this was happening in both cases. Both professionals are ENTIRELY on our side in regard to the expansion of our family. When we lost the baby the probation officer contacted the social care team to update them. At which point she was informed they had closed the case 2 weeks prior and had no need to investigate anything as there have been no further allegations or convictions and therefore our circumstances haven't changed meaning we will not be subject to their scrutiny if we fall pregnant again. We will still have a referral completed to safeguard ourselves etc, so that nobody can say it wasn't done.
My husband has worked so hard since the conviction with his probation officer and has even been recommended to finish his time with her 4 months earlier than the court order states. We have been informed that this only happens on an extremely rare occasion. His VISOR is also on board with this as she has expressed he is very low risk and only visits our home twice a year maximum. The last time she was here less than 20 minutes and it was only to check my husband lived where he said he did because we had recently moved house (with a mortgage that's in both our names, it is possible to do so, just use a broker and never do it all yourself).
Ultimately, I know we are lucky despite this situation but I just wanted to show you it is possible. Our lives are essentially entirely normal. The only thing I worry about going forward is whether he'll qualify for an ETIAS. If not we are VERY limited as to where we can go on holiday as TUI won't let people travel with them anymore, but they are the only reasonably priced company that do holidays to Mexico/Caribbean etc where visas aren't needed. We have travelled abroad twice since the conviction, once to a family centred hotel when our son was 4 months old and then to Disneyland this past spring for our son. We will also be going abroad this August too. We have had no issues whatsoever on any of the occasions. Yes we know we have to go to a person at border control, however as we have an under 12 we have to do that regardless.
Please don't give up hope, but make sure you get full disclosure. I have had from day 1 due my job (I work in a school, haven't had to give it up and I have a clear DBS).
LR23xx
It is good to hear your story Life Ruined - I am happy for you. May your life never be ruined again :)
