Hello - New Here - Boyfriend Told Me
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Hello, my boyfriend recently "came out" and told me he was a pedophile, so I am looking for support and a chance to talk to others in similar situations. He went to a very long rehab program for looking at pictures he should not have looked at. I really love him and want to stay with him, but I do have concerns about what this could be mean practically. For example, would he make a good father? Would he be sexually tempted by a potential daughter?
It really depends why he looked at the images to whether or not he is a risk a lot of the time. Has he spoken about why he did it? The reason varies person to person.
My husband the person who has offended and we went through the process of getting him risk assessed as we have a child together. He has been assessed as low risk. My husband had a server porn addiction, it spiraled out of control. He is in therapy and will be for a while.
My husbands a good dad who has made one of the worst mistakes you can ever make. He throws himself into fatherhood. Maybe because we still dont live together and he sees her for a day and a few hours right now.
Just ask yourself whether or not youre prepared for the stigma if people find out because some people will walk away from you. And even its been years since sentencing you could end up with social services in your life because of the type of offence. And theyre not nice to deal with. Plus many places wont allow you to stay there because of T&C. Companies like TUI dont allow sex offenders on their flights and some countries wont allow entry either.
My husband the person who has offended and we went through the process of getting him risk assessed as we have a child together. He has been assessed as low risk. My husband had a server porn addiction, it spiraled out of control. He is in therapy and will be for a while.
My husbands a good dad who has made one of the worst mistakes you can ever make. He throws himself into fatherhood. Maybe because we still dont live together and he sees her for a day and a few hours right now.
Just ask yourself whether or not youre prepared for the stigma if people find out because some people will walk away from you. And even its been years since sentencing you could end up with social services in your life because of the type of offence. And theyre not nice to deal with. Plus many places wont allow you to stay there because of T&C. Companies like TUI dont allow sex offenders on their flights and some countries wont allow entry either.
I'll give you the honest answers I would give to a friend IRL.
First off I'm assuming from your use of the word 'paedophile' that he has admitted to a sexual interest in children. An awful lot of men who view abuse images will claim that they don't 'really' have that interest and it was just a porn addiction which got out of a control etc etc (I'm very sceptical about this personally, but there you go!). But it sounds to me as if he has admitted to an interest, which is....honest I guess? But sorry if I've got that wrong. Also its unclear whether or not he has already picked up a conviction? Or was the programme he underwent voluntary?
Anyway, whatever the answer to the above, you need to really honestly imagine having and raising children with him. If he has been convicted, Social Services will be very very involved in your lives. Either way, could you ever relax? Could you comfortably leave a child, especially as pre-verbal child, alone wirh him at all? Would you actually want him doing bath time or nappy changes? Could you in good conscience have the child's friends over? Don't underestimate how fiercely protective actual motherhood makes you. I'm a parent and absolutely couldn't and wouldn't do any of those things. Please don't knowingly have children with one of these guys.
Leaving aside children, I know I sound like a cliche, but there are really are plenty of other fish in the sea. If you were a RL friend my strong sincere advice would be to throw this one back for your own well-being. As someone dragged unwittingly into all this, I wish I could have MY time over again to run very fast in the opposite direction.
First off I'm assuming from your use of the word 'paedophile' that he has admitted to a sexual interest in children. An awful lot of men who view abuse images will claim that they don't 'really' have that interest and it was just a porn addiction which got out of a control etc etc (I'm very sceptical about this personally, but there you go!). But it sounds to me as if he has admitted to an interest, which is....honest I guess? But sorry if I've got that wrong. Also its unclear whether or not he has already picked up a conviction? Or was the programme he underwent voluntary?
Anyway, whatever the answer to the above, you need to really honestly imagine having and raising children with him. If he has been convicted, Social Services will be very very involved in your lives. Either way, could you ever relax? Could you comfortably leave a child, especially as pre-verbal child, alone wirh him at all? Would you actually want him doing bath time or nappy changes? Could you in good conscience have the child's friends over? Don't underestimate how fiercely protective actual motherhood makes you. I'm a parent and absolutely couldn't and wouldn't do any of those things. Please don't knowingly have children with one of these guys.
Leaving aside children, I know I sound like a cliche, but there are really are plenty of other fish in the sea. If you were a RL friend my strong sincere advice would be to throw this one back for your own well-being. As someone dragged unwittingly into all this, I wish I could have MY time over again to run very fast in the opposite direction.
