Having a family v having a life
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Hi again,
does anyone else feel that they have had to put their life on hold to satisfy social services? With dad not able to be alone with our daughter it’s putting a huge pressure on me to do everything for our daughter, even having to be home straight from work as dad is home at the same time. I cannot go visit friends and feel like I am in a prison trapped by social services. I cannot even pop to shops for 5 minutes break from them. I so wonder how they are able to do think when the police have not arrested him, just voluntarily questioning and most electronics seized. Social services are on working day 60 of assessment when it should be 45 working day maximum.
I will add I hate driving and her dad used to drive her lots of places before social worker put restrictions in place, driving stresses me as much as this whole investigation
does anyone else feel that they have had to put their life on hold to satisfy social services? With dad not able to be alone with our daughter it’s putting a huge pressure on me to do everything for our daughter, even having to be home straight from work as dad is home at the same time. I cannot go visit friends and feel like I am in a prison trapped by social services. I cannot even pop to shops for 5 minutes break from them. I so wonder how they are able to do think when the police have not arrested him, just voluntarily questioning and most electronics seized. Social services are on working day 60 of assessment when it should be 45 working day maximum.
I will add I hate driving and her dad used to drive her lots of places before social worker put restrictions in place, driving stresses me as much as this whole investigation
This whole thing is ruining lives, but ss have closed our case awaiting outcome of the investigation leaving me with thier 'recommendations' although these are not legal but if they are gone against I'm sure it would be frowned upon and would be taken as not working with them and the case reopened if it was reported. So I'm not taking any chances about going against these not having anyone consider that I am not a protective/good parent. You are right we don't have a life I don't have any local support I had so many plans whilst on mat leave that I haven't been able to do I'm asking more of my parents just to be able to return to my job and no have to pay back the mat leave. I haven't been on any nights out with friends colleagues I don't know if I would but there hasn't been the option. I may have wanted my nails or lashes done as a treat when I need to feel better oh no not an option as always have the children. When I'm exhausted and want go go to bed early or have a lie in and leav him deal with kids no can't do that all the night stuff all the nappies the struggles with getting them washed and dressed but I know you ladies know all of this as are gong through it too. when you need that support and are stressed with this whole thing ss close although I'm sure they would cause me more stress if still around. I just think yes thier restrictions/recommendations are strict and right for short term use whist we don't know what our men have been upto but the police should be concluding thier findings much sooner so we are not left in limbo and can move on whichever way that needs to be. This doesn't just affect us it affects our children greatly who they all report they are trying to protect. Sorry just a rant and I guess just part of us also being the victims in this. Love to you all keep strong this is bloody hard xx
Totally. It felt like we were just following intense rules and not enjoying life. It was horrible, there is an end though. It took us from jan 2015 to March 2019 but social works closed our case. It was long and hard but we proved they had no reason to doubt my husbands capability of looking after our kids.
I'm in a slightly different scenario because I have split with my husband (awaiting divorce) so he doesnt live with me. He is also in prison. However, and this may feel controversial, I don't blame social services for the restrictions. It is entirely his fault for f*cling up our children's chance of a normal family life and leaving me 100% responsible for them with no assistance.
Having said all that my life is easier because he is in prison. Where I live (not mainland UK) the arrest and charge happens very quickly (within 24 hours) and then the investigation takes place whilst the person is either remanded or bailed and then once all the charges are presented they are put forward for sentence. My husband had no home to go to so he was remanded. It has been nearly 5 months so far and sentancing will be in about 6 weeks time.
This at least means I haven't had the rather grey situation of him being present in our lives but not able to actually do anything to help which must be hugely frustrating.
In terms of having a life, I dont foresee that I will have one for a.good 10 years or more.. is drudgery and toil 100% of the time. But I'm getting used to it.
Having said all that my life is easier because he is in prison. Where I live (not mainland UK) the arrest and charge happens very quickly (within 24 hours) and then the investigation takes place whilst the person is either remanded or bailed and then once all the charges are presented they are put forward for sentence. My husband had no home to go to so he was remanded. It has been nearly 5 months so far and sentancing will be in about 6 weeks time.
This at least means I haven't had the rather grey situation of him being present in our lives but not able to actually do anything to help which must be hugely frustrating.
In terms of having a life, I dont foresee that I will have one for a.good 10 years or more.. is drudgery and toil 100% of the time. But I'm getting used to it.
Lost123, it was so difficult to cope. We didn't know if they would ever let us have a decent family life, fortunately our second social worker was amazing. She wanted our case closed quickly. She was so nice, she never went behind our backs unlike our first one. She pointed me to places that could help, give me advice to help our case.
Sjp88, it is more the treatment from social work than their involvement. Social work had every right to investigate our family due to my husbands offending behaviour. Yet, each social worker is different. There are no rules it is based on their views and can be a matter of their own opinion. Our first worker said "you can never live as a family, you should seperate and use our contact centre" whilst the next said "why did she say that? Its nonsense". We are scrutinised over silly things such as the dishes not being done or the kids being late for school. Families not under the watch of social services dont have that. It is almost like if you arent the perfect parent it will cause a mark against your name.
Sjp88, it is more the treatment from social work than their involvement. Social work had every right to investigate our family due to my husbands offending behaviour. Yet, each social worker is different. There are no rules it is based on their views and can be a matter of their own opinion. Our first worker said "you can never live as a family, you should seperate and use our contact centre" whilst the next said "why did she say that? Its nonsense". We are scrutinised over silly things such as the dishes not being done or the kids being late for school. Families not under the watch of social services dont have that. It is almost like if you arent the perfect parent it will cause a mark against your name.
Thanks everyone, so heartbreaking that SS do some of the stuff they do to us, I question often what happens if they find no evidence about our men how the SS teams feel to have caused such a division in the family.
i had my family assessment show up this week and although they say no further involvement other than the dad/daughter restriction, but the assessment is questionable in many areas (I’ve this week put in a Data request as there’s some odd comments, they seem to be allowed three months for this as SS records are complex) has anyone tried to take on the almighty SS? (apart from me getting rid of the first social worker)
i had my family assessment show up this week and although they say no further involvement other than the dad/daughter restriction, but the assessment is questionable in many areas (I’ve this week put in a Data request as there’s some odd comments, they seem to be allowed three months for this as SS records are complex) has anyone tried to take on the almighty SS? (apart from me getting rid of the first social worker)
Hi lost123
My experience with SS is similar to yours. Social workers are actually ok but all their decisions get overruled by management. One of social worker said that management is being very personal with gamilies and also they have push from Ofsted.
But they should think about families. In our case we have to fight alot even for limited contact timings.
II am actually feeling good since i started to post on this forum by getting this frustration out from me and putting into words. Although i can't say much here because it is an open forum.
My experience with SS is similar to yours. Social workers are actually ok but all their decisions get overruled by management. One of social worker said that management is being very personal with gamilies and also they have push from Ofsted.
But they should think about families. In our case we have to fight alot even for limited contact timings.
II am actually feeling good since i started to post on this forum by getting this frustration out from me and putting into words. Although i can't say much here because it is an open forum.