Do i tell my friends the truth?
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Been with my husband for more than 25 years and my world collapsed 9 months ago when i got the knock. He was arrsested for speaking to a 14 year boy online. He is currently on bail and under investigation. My stbx claims his innocencent but i just don't know. I ended it there and then innocent or not innocent. I have not told anyone the real reason for the split. We have a large circle of friends and they all think he is lovely. I can't blame them as i thought he was lovely before his arrest too. He is now with someone else. Pretty much ghosted me and he left for me dead!! I fear what's to come and if my friends will forgive me for not telling them. I could end up with no friends too because of him and his actions. This man has made me so ill ???? I'm anxious and over thinker which really does not help. Not sure i can get over this ever or trust anyone????
Its up to you who you tell when, but anyone who drops you as a friend because of something your ex did behind your back isn't actually a friend and isn't someone you want in your life.
I told a small circle of very close friends, in strict confidence. They were all entirely supportive. But I wouldn't have grieved over anyone who wasn't TBH. They would be no loss.
I told a small circle of very close friends, in strict confidence. They were all entirely supportive. But I wouldn't have grieved over anyone who wasn't TBH. They would be no loss.
I would have said be careful who you tell as you can't take it back. But as you are no longer with him and you have done absolutely nothing wrong I would be open with your friends. As already said if they dump you then they weren't really a friend. I only told my closest friend whilst I was still going through it but once he went to prison and it was all over local press and on FB I told others. Some dumped me - or unfriendined on FB - some were nasty online. But although it hurt at the time I really don't give 2 shits now. Surround yourself with good friends and they will support you. I now divorced and will tell anyone what happened to me - it's old news and I have a new life to live and I don't care what anyone else thinks.
Be strong x
Be strong x
Thank you both for your advice really appreciate it, lots to think about xx
I told a very small percentage of my closest friends and family and only because my mum died 4 days before we knock and me and my ex were very happy .
fast forward 18 months and I've lost 6 friend including by ex Best friend of 35 years .
No one trusts me and think I'm putting my son in danger .
im being ghosted and the worlds become very lonely when I really need people .
im fed up of justifying my rationale but my advise to you is to think twice and think very carefully before you do .
good luck with what ever decision you make xx
fast forward 18 months and I've lost 6 friend including by ex Best friend of 35 years .
No one trusts me and think I'm putting my son in danger .
im being ghosted and the worlds become very lonely when I really need people .
im fed up of justifying my rationale but my advise to you is to think twice and think very carefully before you do .
good luck with what ever decision you make xx
You are not the one who has done anything wrong. They shouldnt hate you because youve done nothing wrong. If you want to tell your friends. Do. Explain how terrifying it is to tell someone this. I still havent told some really close friends what my husband did (ive thought about it, but havent as its nice to have someone to talk to who doesnt know).
A lot of cases dont go in the media. It depends how interesting someone is. Most people go into court and out unknown to everyone else.
A lot of cases dont go in the media. It depends how interesting someone is. Most people go into court and out unknown to everyone else.
Firstly I hope you are OK.
It has been around 9 months for - only my family know the full story of what happened that night, and about bail conditions but unfortunately for us it was live streamed all over SM so everyone knew which was the worst for us all. A lot of people have judged me because I decided to stay at the beginning, I have now left the relationship but I don't tell anyone anything as I'm scared of people gossiping. I have actually met a few new friends, wanting to tell them at some point but just not sure when.
If they are your true friends I would tell them, if they turn away which they shouldn't then more fool them as you haven't done anything wrong. You could be missing out on support you actually need, and it will probably lift a massive weight off of your shoulders.
It has been around 9 months for - only my family know the full story of what happened that night, and about bail conditions but unfortunately for us it was live streamed all over SM so everyone knew which was the worst for us all. A lot of people have judged me because I decided to stay at the beginning, I have now left the relationship but I don't tell anyone anything as I'm scared of people gossiping. I have actually met a few new friends, wanting to tell them at some point but just not sure when.
If they are your true friends I would tell them, if they turn away which they shouldn't then more fool them as you haven't done anything wrong. You could be missing out on support you actually need, and it will probably lift a massive weight off of your shoulders.
It's been nearly 6years since our knock and it only went to court in May this year. Media posted about it in a terrible way, which of course my friends who I hadn't told found out through the media. I've tried to explain the actual story but I'd say more than half of my friends haven't spoken to me since and don't engage in anyway. So for me I'd say I wish I did tell them sooner, but like a lot of others have said here, a real friend shouldn't drop you. The ones who are their supporting you through, are the ones who matter.
although it's never nice feeling like people are talking about you and your life behind your back.
take care of yourself. Here if you want to send a private message.
although it's never nice feeling like people are talking about you and your life behind your back.
take care of yourself. Here if you want to send a private message.
Hi - just be careful who you tell - and don't be pushed into feeling you 'have' to tell people. It can cause you extra stress which you need to avoid in this journey.
i had a pal - oh yes, said she was always there for me in any crisis (so she said). That crisis didn't cover my son's secret world and she ditched me immediately!
Was very hard, you feel guilty and labelled although perfectly innocent. Wish I hadn't confided.
be cautious.
i had a pal - oh yes, said she was always there for me in any crisis (so she said). That crisis didn't cover my son's secret world and she ditched me immediately!
Was very hard, you feel guilty and labelled although perfectly innocent. Wish I hadn't confided.
be cautious.
My way of dealing with this was to cut everyone off, no need to disclose to anyone if there isn't anyone to disclose to! Not the healthiest option by far, but the one I chose..
