I still love my dad, but not sure how much I like him right now
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It has been a couple of months since my dad was arrested and we found out about his online offences. He won't go into detail about it and says he doesn't remember a lot of it, but I think I'd be naive to believe that at face value.
I'm finding this experience insanely lonely so far. Like I have this big secret hanging over me and am scared to tell anyone anything because their view of me or my dad might change. I want to protect him from that, he has been an amazing dad and the last person I would have expected this from.
We don't know what will happen down the line, not least because we as family don't actually know the extend of his crime right now. I do know it has been going on for over 5 years and involves AI (most but not all). He has not directly contacted anyone u18 as far as I know currently.
My biggest worry right now is that I'm planning to start a family next year and know this will have an impact, but don't know exactly what. My parents live together currently and I know my mum will not let anything affect her being the grandma she wants to be which could even mean them living separately at some point or another, which right now they do not want to do as my dad is extremely low & thankfully in therapy.
I am basically wondering if anyone else is in a similar position where they are still in contact with the offender, and how things are working out. Maybe ways I can start processing what has happened.
I'm finding this experience insanely lonely so far. Like I have this big secret hanging over me and am scared to tell anyone anything because their view of me or my dad might change. I want to protect him from that, he has been an amazing dad and the last person I would have expected this from.
We don't know what will happen down the line, not least because we as family don't actually know the extend of his crime right now. I do know it has been going on for over 5 years and involves AI (most but not all). He has not directly contacted anyone u18 as far as I know currently.
My biggest worry right now is that I'm planning to start a family next year and know this will have an impact, but don't know exactly what. My parents live together currently and I know my mum will not let anything affect her being the grandma she wants to be which could even mean them living separately at some point or another, which right now they do not want to do as my dad is extremely low & thankfully in therapy.
I am basically wondering if anyone else is in a similar position where they are still in contact with the offender, and how things are working out. Maybe ways I can start processing what has happened.
Hi, I’m really sorry you’ve found yourself here. My situation is different to yours because I’m here due to my son, but I recognise so much of what you’re feeling, the fear, the confusion, the concern, and the constant anxiety that sits in the background of everything. None of this is straightforward, and it’s completely understandable that you’re struggling to make sense of it all.
You mentioned that your dad can’t remember a lot of the detail. That is very possible, but I know how hard that must be for you and your mum. It leaves you with so many unanswered questions and no clear explanation to hold onto. It can feel incredibly lonely, and I understand that. I didn’t tell many people either, the fear of them judging my son was overwhelming, but please know you’re not alone in this. There are people who understand and can support you.
If you haven’t already, I’d really recommend reaching out to the helpline. They’re kind, patient, and used to supporting families who are trying to navigate situations like this. You might also find the Inform course helpful, it’s an online course specifically for family members, and it can give you a clearer understanding of what’s happening and what to expect.
Looking ahead, it’s very possible that social services may need to be involved when you have your own child. That’s something you’ll be able to work through when the time comes and once you know what restrictions, if any, your dad will have after sentencing. It may be that he needs to be supervised around your child and any other children, but none of that can be known until the court has made its decisions.
For now, just take things one step at a time. You’re doing your best in an incredibly difficult situation, and that matters more than you realise.
You mentioned that your dad can’t remember a lot of the detail. That is very possible, but I know how hard that must be for you and your mum. It leaves you with so many unanswered questions and no clear explanation to hold onto. It can feel incredibly lonely, and I understand that. I didn’t tell many people either, the fear of them judging my son was overwhelming, but please know you’re not alone in this. There are people who understand and can support you.
If you haven’t already, I’d really recommend reaching out to the helpline. They’re kind, patient, and used to supporting families who are trying to navigate situations like this. You might also find the Inform course helpful, it’s an online course specifically for family members, and it can give you a clearer understanding of what’s happening and what to expect.
Looking ahead, it’s very possible that social services may need to be involved when you have your own child. That’s something you’ll be able to work through when the time comes and once you know what restrictions, if any, your dad will have after sentencing. It may be that he needs to be supervised around your child and any other children, but none of that can be known until the court has made its decisions.
For now, just take things one step at a time. You’re doing your best in an incredibly difficult situation, and that matters more than you realise.
