I can’t cope!
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It's been 3 days now since I found out my dad has been viewing indecent images of children. It is literally like daggers through the heart as I sit here writing this! I just can't make sense of this, is this really the person I've known for 32 years?! Who's raised me with respect and good morals?! I can't make sense of it, I just don't understand. My whole world feels like it's come crashing down.
He has not been charged yet, although it's certain he will be, the police have told us it will be a number of months, as they have to inspect the electronic devices. I have to stay strong for my mother, who is mentally broken at the moment, so I don't want her to see me upset. She's stuck in the house with this man, who has destroyed our lives at the moment, she's trying to be strong, as he literally doesn't have anyone else.
I knew he had compulsive behaviours, I wish I pushed him to seek help before, of course I never imagined it would lead him to this, but I blame myself for being so lax about it, I should have pushed him to get help. I work in an environment, with children who have been on the receiving end of these crimes, how can I work, looking at them, knowing my father is a perpetrator of such behaviours?! Why do I feel so guilty, when it wasn't me, it was him?!
thank you for whoever reads this and I'm sorry you are going through this as well.
He has not been charged yet, although it's certain he will be, the police have told us it will be a number of months, as they have to inspect the electronic devices. I have to stay strong for my mother, who is mentally broken at the moment, so I don't want her to see me upset. She's stuck in the house with this man, who has destroyed our lives at the moment, she's trying to be strong, as he literally doesn't have anyone else.
I knew he had compulsive behaviours, I wish I pushed him to seek help before, of course I never imagined it would lead him to this, but I blame myself for being so lax about it, I should have pushed him to get help. I work in an environment, with children who have been on the receiving end of these crimes, how can I work, looking at them, knowing my father is a perpetrator of such behaviours?! Why do I feel so guilty, when it wasn't me, it was him?!
thank you for whoever reads this and I'm sorry you are going through this as well.
Hello it has been 19 months since our knock and I know you are full of mixed emotions but breath just breath. You are allowed to have all of these feels but please dont let them cloud you. When you are ready and tour dad wants to talk to listen to him.
When my husband got arrested and came home for the first 2 weeks he lied and said there wasnt anything then he had a breakdown and tried to kill himself not because of the iioc but because of what he was disappointed in himself and also for letting me down. I talked him out of killing himself and he told me the truth. Yes he downloaded a zip file and it had over 40 videos but it wasnt until he opened it up that he realized what it was. He deleted most of them because they had obvious titles but the rest didnt. He did it one time and got caught. He also admitted that he has a porn addiction and together we are working through it.
Hope this makes sense and helps.
Just take it slow and one day at a time.
Sending big hugs xxx
When my husband got arrested and came home for the first 2 weeks he lied and said there wasnt anything then he had a breakdown and tried to kill himself not because of the iioc but because of what he was disappointed in himself and also for letting me down. I talked him out of killing himself and he told me the truth. Yes he downloaded a zip file and it had over 40 videos but it wasnt until he opened it up that he realized what it was. He deleted most of them because they had obvious titles but the rest didnt. He did it one time and got caught. He also admitted that he has a porn addiction and together we are working through it.
Hope this makes sense and helps.
Just take it slow and one day at a time.
Sending big hugs xxx
Hello,
Thank you, that does make sense, I appreciate you responding. I am also sorry you are and have been in this situation, hugs to you also!
This might be a stupid question, as I'm writing it, it sounds stupid, but does it get any easier? Or is each day different over time? I just have such a clouded view at the moment and can't think straight.
Xx
Thank you, that does make sense, I appreciate you responding. I am also sorry you are and have been in this situation, hugs to you also!
This might be a stupid question, as I'm writing it, it sounds stupid, but does it get any easier? Or is each day different over time? I just have such a clouded view at the moment and can't think straight.
Xx
I'm so sorry YOU (and your Ma) are in this situation, 'feelingsurreal' - I am three months post 'knock' - when my husband of 40+years was arrested for looking at iioc. I wrote down the feelings I had those first couple of weeks - and they were tumultous - grief, anger, numbness and bewilderment. The rawness of it all is hard to remember but looking at the scrawls I made in a notebook brings it back. So yes, it DOES get easier emotionally - with a lot of talking, trying to understand, and heaps of support from family, friends and this forum (you've all been wonderful on here). We are in limbo now - and will be for months. He has been released under investigation. There isn't a day when I don't think of what he's done, and struggle to make sense of it all - but the intensity of emotion has certainly gone away. He is still the good man I love and married - although he has been to an abhorrent place - but he tells me that he would never, ever translate the pictures he saw into reality and my son tells me that he's been a wonderful dad to him - so I believe him. It helps a lot that we keep talking and discussing and that he is seeing a StopSO therapist and taking steps to avoid going down the same route again.
It's such early days for you, feelingsurreal - but it won't stay so intense. Phone the Lucy Faithfull Helpline - the people on the end of the line are SO helpful and knowledgeable. It can be hard to get through at busy times - just keep hitting redail and it'll eventually work.
I'm about to start the Inform course for partners and family - I'll let you know how it goes.
It's such early days for you, feelingsurreal - but it won't stay so intense. Phone the Lucy Faithfull Helpline - the people on the end of the line are SO helpful and knowledgeable. It can be hard to get through at busy times - just keep hitting redail and it'll eventually work.
I'm about to start the Inform course for partners and family - I'll let you know how it goes.