Where to start
Notifications OFF
Hi everyone. I’ve just created this account because I am drowning in anger and carrying a secret that is starting to break me.
In December 2021, my life was split into "before" and "after." My stepson (who was 18 at the time, now 23) viewed and shared an indecent image of a minor. My husband and I knew absolutely nothing about it until the police turned up at our door at dawn with a search warrant. They knew exactly what they were looking for—they seemed keen to see Apple devices, which only my stepson had, and they ignored our Android devices. They took him into a room alone, and because he was an adult, they legally couldn't tell us what he said.
After they left, my stepson claimed it was "just an app," "just one picture," and that he "didn't know she was underage." The police ultimately took No Further Action (NFA). To protect him and keep the peace, we agreed to sweep it under the rug, pretend it never happened, and never speak of it again.
Fast forward to recently: my stepson and his partner had a baby. My husband and I stepped up as kinship carers and raised our grandson for his entire first year. Since then, the relationship has broken down, and they are now slowly and cruelly cutting us out of our grandson’s life.
The pain of being discarded after giving a year of our lives to that baby has made me incredibly angry. I started looking into how the police and search warrants actually work, and it seems it's unlikely it was "one-off accident" story he gave us was a lie to protect his own skin. The police apparently don't get warrants for single accidental click; they trace specific digital footprints and active sharing. The police knew it was his iPhone before they even knocked on our door.
I feel so betrayed. I compromised my own morals and peace of mind for five years to protect him based on a watered-down lie, and now he is weaponising our grandson against us.
I am just so full of rage. I don't want to carry his toxic secret anymore, but worry about the fallout it would cause.
In December 2021, my life was split into "before" and "after." My stepson (who was 18 at the time, now 23) viewed and shared an indecent image of a minor. My husband and I knew absolutely nothing about it until the police turned up at our door at dawn with a search warrant. They knew exactly what they were looking for—they seemed keen to see Apple devices, which only my stepson had, and they ignored our Android devices. They took him into a room alone, and because he was an adult, they legally couldn't tell us what he said.
After they left, my stepson claimed it was "just an app," "just one picture," and that he "didn't know she was underage." The police ultimately took No Further Action (NFA). To protect him and keep the peace, we agreed to sweep it under the rug, pretend it never happened, and never speak of it again.
Fast forward to recently: my stepson and his partner had a baby. My husband and I stepped up as kinship carers and raised our grandson for his entire first year. Since then, the relationship has broken down, and they are now slowly and cruelly cutting us out of our grandson’s life.
The pain of being discarded after giving a year of our lives to that baby has made me incredibly angry. I started looking into how the police and search warrants actually work, and it seems it's unlikely it was "one-off accident" story he gave us was a lie to protect his own skin. The police apparently don't get warrants for single accidental click; they trace specific digital footprints and active sharing. The police knew it was his iPhone before they even knocked on our door.
I feel so betrayed. I compromised my own morals and peace of mind for five years to protect him based on a watered-down lie, and now he is weaponising our grandson against us.
I am just so full of rage. I don't want to carry his toxic secret anymore, but worry about the fallout it would cause.
I am so sorry youre going through all of this, you dont deserve to have a grandchild restricted from you after providing support.
I would take a breath, have a cup of tea and think about your grandchild. Because speaking out now will affect them. This is their dad who has an NFA. Legally he isnt a criminal and telling people what he has done will affect your grandchild. They dont deserve to be in the cross fire because their dads a bundle of not very nice words. It could also backfire and he may never, ever let you see them again because your bringing up accusations from 5 years ago.
Is it fair? No. Does it suck. Yes!
I would take a breath, have a cup of tea and think about your grandchild. Because speaking out now will affect them. This is their dad who has an NFA. Legally he isnt a criminal and telling people what he has done will affect your grandchild. They dont deserve to be in the cross fire because their dads a bundle of not very nice words. It could also backfire and he may never, ever let you see them again because your bringing up accusations from 5 years ago.
Is it fair? No. Does it suck. Yes!
I'm presuming from the kinship carer reference that SS were / are involved. I know this is difficult to think about, but I would be concerned that a man who has looked at images of child abuse at least once is now the parent of a young child, and is cutting that child off from people who know the child well. It feels suss, at my kids would say. Does the child's mother know about the NFA? Because she is very much entitled to know. It would worry me a lot if she didn't. Are other family members being cut out as well?
Also 2021 isn't exactly a long time ago - doing the maths I think the baby must only have been conceived a few years after the images incident. It just all feels off. Sorry!
Also 2021 isn't exactly a long time ago - doing the maths I think the baby must only have been conceived a few years after the images incident. It just all feels off. Sorry!
