False hope
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Hello,
10 months post-knock.
Just wondering if anyone else went through a period of false hope?
That perhaps no evidence will be found despite their partners guilt.
That this awful situation will all somehow just "blow over" and that life will go back to normal.
I find myself checking this forum daily, hourly. Obsessing. Looking for answers but never finding any. Lurking, often unable to organise my thoughts enough to coherently respond so I don't even try.
The wait is killing. I just need to know what's going to happen next.
10 months post-knock.
Just wondering if anyone else went through a period of false hope?
That perhaps no evidence will be found despite their partners guilt.
That this awful situation will all somehow just "blow over" and that life will go back to normal.
I find myself checking this forum daily, hourly. Obsessing. Looking for answers but never finding any. Lurking, often unable to organise my thoughts enough to coherently respond so I don't even try.
The wait is killing. I just need to know what's going to happen next.
Hi there , I fully sympathise with you, it took the police 18 months before we heard back from them and holding on to the hope that there was some mistake is what helped me keep it together during that time although I would get upset and sick with sorry if I dwelt on it too much. I kept as busy as possible. Stay strong and seek help and support. I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone at that time but I wish I had started some sort of counseling to prepare me for what was ahead. Have you spoken to anyone? Sending you a hug.x
I find myself thinking similar, usually when I wake in the early hours after dreaming about our ‘perfect’ relationship and it hits me all over again. My ex admitted it to the police though, so there’s no hope of it being an accident or mistake.
I’m spending time each day whilst my sons at school or in bed, doing meditations and focusing on getting through each day best I can. I’m seeing a counsellor this morning. Have you spoken with anyone? Xx
I’m spending time each day whilst my sons at school or in bed, doing meditations and focusing on getting through each day best I can. I’m seeing a counsellor this morning. Have you spoken with anyone? Xx
Hi Melody
I completely understand the false hope. My husband was convinced they wouldn't find anything on his computer because he'd deleted everything. We waited and waited, an unusually long time, 2and a half years. The longer we waited the more I hoped they would not prosecute him. But in January this year we got the charge letter and he's been convicted, awaiting sentencing. We're praying for a suspended sentence.
You have to try and live some sort of normal life during that walife while you're waiting. It's hard and I thought about it every day, what if we hear something? But in between we kept up a normal enough life, had family occasions, went to work went on holiday. But also my husband went to do the Lucy Faithfull course for Internet offenders. I didn't get any help then, but I have now.
Everyone advises you to go one day at a time and that's good advice but not always easy to follow. It sounds weird but maybe give yourself worrying time each day, have a think about what's happened, then stop and get on. The next day do it again so you allow a short time to think about it, then stop yourself. None of this is easy. I've cried more in the last few years than in my whole life. Talk to the helpline, they are alwaysovely. Keep checking here, we support you, we support you come what may.
Try and do something that keeps you sane, different for everyone. I read a lot of rubbishy fiction. I cleaned. It all took my mind off the big looming thing that was there.
I'm sending a big virtual bear hug x x
I completely understand the false hope. My husband was convinced they wouldn't find anything on his computer because he'd deleted everything. We waited and waited, an unusually long time, 2and a half years. The longer we waited the more I hoped they would not prosecute him. But in January this year we got the charge letter and he's been convicted, awaiting sentencing. We're praying for a suspended sentence.
You have to try and live some sort of normal life during that walife while you're waiting. It's hard and I thought about it every day, what if we hear something? But in between we kept up a normal enough life, had family occasions, went to work went on holiday. But also my husband went to do the Lucy Faithfull course for Internet offenders. I didn't get any help then, but I have now.
Everyone advises you to go one day at a time and that's good advice but not always easy to follow. It sounds weird but maybe give yourself worrying time each day, have a think about what's happened, then stop and get on. The next day do it again so you allow a short time to think about it, then stop yourself. None of this is easy. I've cried more in the last few years than in my whole life. Talk to the helpline, they are alwaysovely. Keep checking here, we support you, we support you come what may.
Try and do something that keeps you sane, different for everyone. I read a lot of rubbishy fiction. I cleaned. It all took my mind off the big looming thing that was there.
I'm sending a big virtual bear hug x x
I also check this forum regularly maybe too much when I first found the forum I looked through everything. I also have hope I really do but maybe this has lessened in the past few weeks. The hope has reduced of what they may find the hope that he has been honest with me and definitely the hope that we will get through this and my children will be unaffected. I also hate that others are going through this but find comfort that I am not alone.
I really do hope though that the many people who have posted previously that have gone quiet ie no further updates is because thier partner received NFA and they have run to the hills away from this site and getting on with thier life! We can have some hope.
It staggers me how many people join this forum and wonder how many just watch and don't post or how many don't even know about the LFF.
I'm always anxious about the postman coming but once he's been and there's nothing I can get on with the day as nothing is more is happening that day. One day it will come and turn our life upside down one way or another.
Thinking of you all and keep strong xx
I really do hope though that the many people who have posted previously that have gone quiet ie no further updates is because thier partner received NFA and they have run to the hills away from this site and getting on with thier life! We can have some hope.
It staggers me how many people join this forum and wonder how many just watch and don't post or how many don't even know about the LFF.
I'm always anxious about the postman coming but once he's been and there's nothing I can get on with the day as nothing is more is happening that day. One day it will come and turn our life upside down one way or another.
Thinking of you all and keep strong xx
To Ann P,if your husband deleted everything,then there should be no case to answer,here is the precedent :
R v Porter [2006] 2 Gf App R25 CA
This decision means thatpossession of indecent images does not occur provided they have been deleted and that "he" believes thatthey can be retrieved and removed only by specialists who have software which "he" does not have....
To those ladies who are in fear of losing your job:you cannot be dismissed whilst off sick;and quite frankly I think you will win in an industrial tribunal because you have done nothing wrong
Finally,indecent images which have been cached cannot be used as proof of possession (as this is an automated process) provided the folder has not been accessed.I would imagine this would also apply to images from a phone sent to the "cloud" but would appreciate guidance on that.
R v Porter [2006] 2 Gf App R25 CA
This decision means thatpossession of indecent images does not occur provided they have been deleted and that "he" believes thatthey can be retrieved and removed only by specialists who have software which "he" does not have....
To those ladies who are in fear of losing your job:you cannot be dismissed whilst off sick;and quite frankly I think you will win in an industrial tribunal because you have done nothing wrong
Finally,indecent images which have been cached cannot be used as proof of possession (as this is an automated process) provided the folder has not been accessed.I would imagine this would also apply to images from a phone sent to the "cloud" but would appreciate guidance on that.
10 months Melody - gosh, I'm only three months post 'knock' and there isn't a day go by when I don't think of impications of partner's offence. Treading water. How will it be after another 7 months?
Great advice, Ann P - though I'm being lazy and 'cleaning' furiously sounds like something I ought to do more often than sitting around in my dressing gown comfort knitting until getting on for midday. Life feels like it's on hold.
My partner has pled guilty so I'm not holding out any hope even though he says he deleted everything, including browsing history after each online visit to iioc on Bing and Google. He's not very savvy as far as computers are concerned so I dread the police finding something he didn't even know he'd downloaded.
Great advice, Ann P - though I'm being lazy and 'cleaning' furiously sounds like something I ought to do more often than sitting around in my dressing gown comfort knitting until getting on for midday. Life feels like it's on hold.
My partner has pled guilty so I'm not holding out any hope even though he says he deleted everything, including browsing history after each online visit to iioc on Bing and Google. He's not very savvy as far as computers are concerned so I dread the police finding something he didn't even know he'd downloaded.
Read my post above.It is no use deleting browsing history,it is kept on the router.But deleting through the recycle bin is good.
Neither of us know what that means - that something is kept on the router, despite being deleted. He doesn't remember seeing the image that was reported as being downloaded at our address by Microsoft. He was interested in the cat C images.
If images have been deleted through the recycle bin,they are deemed not to be in the possession of the owner of the device.Is that clear enough ?
Hello Tutley
I read your post and just wanted to give you the benefit of what happened to my partner. He was arrested and less than 5 images were found after he had deleted them. He was still charged with making an indecent image, this category covers the person who initially downloads images, movie clips etc.
At crown court he was severely criticised by the judge for deleting the images as it was seen as an attempt to conceal evidence.
He was sentenced to 12 months in prison, suspended for 2 years. He was also given a SHPO for 10 years and to register as a sex offender for the same length of time.
Best wishes
I read your post and just wanted to give you the benefit of what happened to my partner. He was arrested and less than 5 images were found after he had deleted them. He was still charged with making an indecent image, this category covers the person who initially downloads images, movie clips etc.
At crown court he was severely criticised by the judge for deleting the images as it was seen as an attempt to conceal evidence.
He was sentenced to 12 months in prison, suspended for 2 years. He was also given a SHPO for 10 years and to register as a sex offender for the same length of time.
Best wishes
I am surprised at the judge's comments and decision,especially over 5 images,unless they were cat A,
Look at Olliers solicitors website.It states quite clearly"The accused has a defence if the photograph in question was sent to him with no prior request by him or on his behalf and that he did not keep it for an unreasonable time"
Look at Olliers solicitors website.It states quite clearly"The accused has a defence if the photograph in question was sent to him with no prior request by him or on his behalf and that he did not keep it for an unreasonable time"
Reporting is very dangerous.Listen to "The Boy in the Video" which was broadcast on Radio 4 some weeks ago.It is probably on BBC Sounds now.
we are 11 months into this now. My husband admitted what he had done and the police sent the PC to CPS in the beginning of October. On the 10/2/2020 CPS relied to the police and said they need a more thorough report. So now the police is working on the case again and then they will send it back to CPS who said they need another 1-2 months to decide. So this is never ending. We can not plan anything with our grandchildren. Only I can but the children don't know yet what's happened so everything is very tricky.
Poster - I absolutely agree with what you have said. My stance since day one of their journey has been that the abuse is repeated every time an image is downloaded, viewed or shared and I really feel that my husband's sentence has not reflected this. In a heart beat I would report anyone or any unsolicited image received. Whatever the consequences for me they would be nothing compared to the horror of the abuse of innocent children. Yes - it is everybody's responsibility to protect the children and I feel that just deleting an image without reporting is immoral.
I feel that my life ended the day that we had the knock and I worry about the future for my young adult children but I feel so much more pain for the victims in the images he collected.
I feel that my life ended the day that we had the knock and I worry about the future for my young adult children but I feel so much more pain for the victims in the images he collected.
Hi Munsell,
My partner used a file sharing system and was sent 2A, 2B and 1C. Let's be absolutely clear... All are child abuse images... Either sexual or psychological. They have been coercred by adults to do what on film.
The only thing that saved my partner from immediate divorce was his honesty, remorse and shame. The other mitigating fact was the ages of the girls. Fortunately (for him) they were teenagers and not prepubescent children.
The CPS official site states that their are only 3 defences to iioc..
Legally necessary... ie Police Forensic
Lack of awareness.. ie On a CD hidden with other adult porn
Unsolicited... ie Images were sent without the person wanting them. The onus is on the person to report the fact asap. Undue retention is an offence.
Best wishes..
My partner used a file sharing system and was sent 2A, 2B and 1C. Let's be absolutely clear... All are child abuse images... Either sexual or psychological. They have been coercred by adults to do what on film.
The only thing that saved my partner from immediate divorce was his honesty, remorse and shame. The other mitigating fact was the ages of the girls. Fortunately (for him) they were teenagers and not prepubescent children.
The CPS official site states that their are only 3 defences to iioc..
Legally necessary... ie Police Forensic
Lack of awareness.. ie On a CD hidden with other adult porn
Unsolicited... ie Images were sent without the person wanting them. The onus is on the person to report the fact asap. Undue retention is an offence.
Best wishes..
The precedent I have posted elsewhere is from a solicitor's site.Confirmed by another solicitor.I think the CPS is trying it on.