Women getting punished
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I just need a rant for a minute. My ex blew up our lives, it's still ongoing, we're divorced but he's here in the mornings and evenings helping with the kids.
except how much help is it when we have to supervise?
I was seven months pregnant when we got the knock. By the grace of god I kept it together to get this baby earth side healthy, to navigate my toddlers' feelings about daddy disappearing at night and never having one on one time with him.
and now people know we are separated and they see that I can never go out in the evenings, never get time off or be away from my kids and they think I'm a control freak. 'Leave them with their dad, he can cope! You need to leave them eventually!'
you don't think I want to?! You don't think I want one f-ing moment to myself, whilst he is the one whose done this to us and he can swan in and out as he likes? Don't you think my life would be easier if I could see my friends, or go to an exercise class or even just go for a walk by myself?!
I haven't got a village, and I was sick this week and all I could think is 'what happens if I die?' They can't go to their dad, my mum is elderly, they'll end up with my shitty ex SIL and their lives will be ruined even more.
i know this is dramatic- in the main, I have gone through this all with so much order and power. Immediate divorce, found him somewhere to live, changing my kids surnames to protect if anything gets to the media.
they are trying to extend for a year so we have no idea how long everything will carry on but I'd say likely with the proof of communication they have (vigilante group) I have at least five more years of solo childcare, solo parents evenings and school plays and everything that I don't want him near for fear of social services and people being aware.
and no clear split/ no custody or sharing time, just me having to be around my ex all the time if I want my kids to have their dad. Which is painful.
Its the partners/ex partners who are left carrying the load and it drives me nuts.
except how much help is it when we have to supervise?
I was seven months pregnant when we got the knock. By the grace of god I kept it together to get this baby earth side healthy, to navigate my toddlers' feelings about daddy disappearing at night and never having one on one time with him.
and now people know we are separated and they see that I can never go out in the evenings, never get time off or be away from my kids and they think I'm a control freak. 'Leave them with their dad, he can cope! You need to leave them eventually!'
you don't think I want to?! You don't think I want one f-ing moment to myself, whilst he is the one whose done this to us and he can swan in and out as he likes? Don't you think my life would be easier if I could see my friends, or go to an exercise class or even just go for a walk by myself?!
I haven't got a village, and I was sick this week and all I could think is 'what happens if I die?' They can't go to their dad, my mum is elderly, they'll end up with my shitty ex SIL and their lives will be ruined even more.
i know this is dramatic- in the main, I have gone through this all with so much order and power. Immediate divorce, found him somewhere to live, changing my kids surnames to protect if anything gets to the media.
they are trying to extend for a year so we have no idea how long everything will carry on but I'd say likely with the proof of communication they have (vigilante group) I have at least five more years of solo childcare, solo parents evenings and school plays and everything that I don't want him near for fear of social services and people being aware.
and no clear split/ no custody or sharing time, just me having to be around my ex all the time if I want my kids to have their dad. Which is painful.
Its the partners/ex partners who are left carrying the load and it drives me nuts.
This is something i am struggling with so so much!! My brother is the offender.. And all i have said on repeat is he did the crime we are doing the time. His actions are our consequences. The ripple effect is so overwhelming.. SIL and kids are losing their home. Kids pretty much lost their dad. He only has 3 2 hour supervised visits. Ive lost a brother. The list is endless i could go on and on about all the repercussions that we are faced with because of his actions. Im drowning. Im tired crying and im only 1 month in.
I hear you, I am really struggling as well and 5 months in. Good and bad days, finding it hard the 2x2. hour visits weekly where I have to supervise and be pleasant when often I don't want to be. The lying / avoiding direct questions from well meaning family and friends to why dad can't have them. Why do I always have to control the contact?? It's exhausting
Got told forensics are currently dealing with his devices as he was too of the list but nothing now for a month and his 6 month bail up in august. I'm hating life in limbo, dreading this getting out in social media for kids sake but then I want to yell from the roof tops what he has done!!!
How did you manage a quick divorce and was it costly please?
Got told forensics are currently dealing with his devices as he was too of the list but nothing now for a month and his 6 month bail up in august. I'm hating life in limbo, dreading this getting out in social media for kids sake but then I want to yell from the roof tops what he has done!!!
How did you manage a quick divorce and was it costly please?
Its the unfair reality of their crime. We the ex/partners get punished. Even though my husband has no restriction with under 18s, I still have to supervise 8 months post sentence and this will likely go on until we are moved down to a saftey plan with SS. Which means even though we can stay in the same home as each other even over night its myself or my family having to do the leg work because he cant be left alone. Ive come to term with it all, but it is annoying when the professionals state i do need to start therapy. I think when? He cant be left alone with her, I work! I have to work because of his actions. Any time im not at work im with my daughter. Id love to finally do therapy. But unless its 10pm I cant do it.
@mavis I just did the divorce directly- as long as your spouse goes along with it, its very easy and quick. I think it was about £300?
you just go on the gov website.
Thanks for the replies everyone. Last week i forced his mum to supervise so i could go to a dr appoiintment and just being able to be alone for a bit was such a relief. Doesn't change anything but it was a chance to breathe.
you just go on the gov website.
Thanks for the replies everyone. Last week i forced his mum to supervise so i could go to a dr appoiintment and just being able to be alone for a bit was such a relief. Doesn't change anything but it was a chance to breathe.
I am going through exactly this! My only baby was 4 months old when we got the knock, he wasn't allowed to see her until SS said so and signed us off with family plan but its supervised by me now. Again thats more work for me, I can't just go to the toilet or have a shower, I have to take her with me etc.
Fast forward to a year after arrest, still waiting for phones to come back. For the past year I've not been able to go out, have a drink, spend time with friends, id do anything for a nap and a lie in, my house is always a mess. Ive had 3 days off where the baby was in childcare. I do have support but no one too close, no mum etc.
I think its so unfair her dad has no responsibility and I do absolutely everything. I'm constantly tired and worn out. Im back to work now as well which is a nice break but its tiring. I love being a mum more than anything and before the arrest everything was perfect, we were so in love and happy and now I mourn everything which could've been and my god it depresses me. I still think should I go back? But I think all trust has gone if im honest.
Fast forward to a year after arrest, still waiting for phones to come back. For the past year I've not been able to go out, have a drink, spend time with friends, id do anything for a nap and a lie in, my house is always a mess. Ive had 3 days off where the baby was in childcare. I do have support but no one too close, no mum etc.
I think its so unfair her dad has no responsibility and I do absolutely everything. I'm constantly tired and worn out. Im back to work now as well which is a nice break but its tiring. I love being a mum more than anything and before the arrest everything was perfect, we were so in love and happy and now I mourn everything which could've been and my god it depresses me. I still think should I go back? But I think all trust has gone if im honest.
