Just wanted to come and be supportive x

Mines only been going on 4 months, I reported him for the content I found... He fled the day it happened.

The anger and fear is unreal. And they seem to have zero remorse for doing this to their families.

First of all I am so sorry for you that you are here. I couldn't read your post and not respond although I don't have much of an answer as to the why. I'm not sure any of us will ever fully understand the why, or have that question answered but for myself I found the Inform course with LFF to be excellent in helping me understand that the reasons are many and mostly very complex. I certainly came away from the course with a far better understanding of how a person we love and know inside out could go down such a dark path.

It is early days for you. For myself the helpline was a lifesaver in those early days. They will listen, and offer advice where they can.

And keep reaching out on here. I found friends on here who have kept me going on this nightmare journey. You won't believe it right now but things do get better.

Really feel for you and totally understand the rage. I'm surprised more people don't seem to feel that way - who would want to be touched by this world? Most men I read about claim they don't know. I think it's Occam's Razor. What that obvious answer is would vary but I think many are involved in this mess because they enjoy it, which is gross and difficult to comprehend and seems an unpopular interpretation.

I suppose they do enjoy it at one level, but that is an incomplete explanation. It is a bit like saying an alcoholic drinks because they enjoy being drunk. Clearly there is more going on than just that.

For example, the research suggests that many, possibly as high as 30% of the men, have been victims of sexual abuse themselves. This would appear to be more than just a coincidence, but we do not really know how it is connected to them viewing iioc or talking to children online.

Regardless, it isn't ok is it? The trope of abused becoming abusers is actually pretty awful for abuse victims to hear. I'm not one, but I know that people who have suffered abuse feel stigmatised by this widespread belief. My view on these crimes hasn't changed since the knock. My ex was an amazing husband to me and this horror never crossed my mind, but on the day I told the police to search wherever they wanted and I'd support them in whatever way I could. At that point I had no idea what would be found and these type of crimes make me sick. I taught my children that some things are so bad that remorse/apologies/reasons don't make up for what has been done. That is my view on these crimes and I wish there was somewhere online where those of us who feel this way could talk openly, because I don't feel that on here.

H34rtbr0k3n, I completely agree with you. I don't feel there can ever be an acceptable excuse for child sexual abuse, online or otherwise. And like you, I feel like I may be in the minority on this forum when I say these things. If you ever want to talk privately, my messages are open.

I don't think there's a single person on here who is arguing there are acceptable excuses for child abuse. But it is important that we try to understand why these crimes happen in order that something can be done to stop it happening. To say it's just because they enjoy it could be an Occam's Razor response, indeed that is the view of most in society I would say. As I learnt from my own research and the vast experience and expertise of LFF on their Inform course, the reasons are many and usually very complex. We can all agree it is an horrific crime.
Incidentally I know of many users who feel they can't air their views or find support on the forum because they are choosing to support their loved one.
I personally think there is space on here for all of us. We've all enough pain in our lives without more division and upset.

An explanation is not the same thing as an excuse.

The whole thing about abused people becoming abusers is controversial, if you choose to interpret it as meaning that all abuse victims will inevitably go on to become abusers. I just think it means that the abuse may have played some role in the behaviour of some abusers. But the truth is that we do not know how or even if, the two things are connected.

There are some theories out there. One is that victims who receive prompt and effective treatment for their abuse are less likely to become abusers themselves, while those whose trauma is not addressed, will be more likely to act out in an abusive way. The trouble is that there will be exceptions to every rule and that makes it difficult to draw conclusions.

There is also a very obvious divide between male and female victims. The vast majority of victims are female and very few of them become abusers. It seems that male victims respond differently, although clearly not all of them go on to become abusers either. Again, it has been suggested that men and women deal with trauma differently, with women internalising it and men externalising. But there are probably going to be exceptions to this rule too.