Knock to NFA
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This is my first post having been lurking for the past 3 months. I’m so glad I found this forum and have been able to read everyone’s stories to help me get through a really horrible time. Truly no one can understand how it feels until they are unwittingly thrown into this situation through no fault of their own.
Like most of you I found myself here after getting the knock early one morning and my husband was arrested on suspicion of downloading images. It was the worst day of my life and thinking back to it now it was all such a blur. The police were in our house for hours and scanned all of our devices, then eventually left with just his phone. Following his initial interview he was released on bail. Fortunately we don’t have any children so he was able to stay at home and we were able to get on with life relatively normally even though it felt like we had this huge secret hanging over us and the unknown of what might happen.
Just less than 3 months later we were waiting to hear about his bail being extended (we were told this will almost certainly happen), and instead he had a call to say the forensics had come back and they didn’t find anything so it would be no further action. He was then able to collect his phone.
We were both obviously absolutely elated and also just shocked that it had come back so quickly. From everyone we have spoken to and everything I had seen on here we were fully expecting that we would be waiting years. I had researched non stop about the legal process and wanted to be fully prepared for what might come. The relief of knowing that we wouldn’t have to go through all that was just unreal and I think still hasn’t fully sunk in yet.
It’s not over by any means and I’m still not completely sure what it means for our relationship in the future, however I’m glad that we can now focus on that without the legal side looming over us. Like a lot of men in this situation it has come to light that he had a porn addiction of which I was completely unaware, and that these completely legal sites have things on there that shouldn’t be. I have tried my best to get my head around it all and try to understand, and he has also done everything he can to work on himself and genuinely wants to be better. We’re both seeing our own therapists and he has started attending SAA in person which also seems very positive. He is really making a huge effort and I do believe has been completely honest with me, although that doesn’t take away the years of lies and the trauma of putting me through all this. I still wake up early in the morning worrying about the police turning up again and just feel pretty on edge most of the time. However I am feeling much more positive about the future, whatever that might be and I do hope that there might be a time one day where we can be happy and this will be a distant memory. But only time will tell on that one.
The few members of his family that knew have also not been massively supportive despite the NFA, and I’m really not sure he will ever get that relationship with them back. That’s also been tough on me as I feel like it’s been all on me to support him whilst also struggling to deal with everything myself. It’s been very isolating, and I’m sure many others know that feeling well.
I guess I just wanted to share some positive news that NFA can happen and it doesn’t always necessarily take years, although this does seem to be rare and we are aware that we are incredibly lucky.
Whilst he was absolutely the one who got himself into this situation, it completely blows my mind how easily people can fall into this and how easily accessible things are online. How is it that more is not done to stop these images coming up on well used apps and websites?
I also feel strongly about the lack of support for relatives of the accused, considering how common this type of crime seems to be now. I do feel lucky in that I was assigned a liaison officer referred through the police who was just absolutely incredible and so kind. She even got emotional when I called to tell her about the NFA and was genuinely so pleased for me.
I also can’t recommend Talking Forward enough who run online support groups for people in our exact situation. The facilitators are amazing and it’s just so comforting to hear other people’s stories. There’s parents, partners, siblings, people who have stayed, people who have left, people who don't know if they will stay. You can just sit and listen but everyone has the opportunity to speak if they want to. No judgements at all.
Anyway that was a much longer post that I meant it to be! Sending lots of virtual hugs to everyone, wherever you might be in this horrible process.
If anyone has any questions about our particular case feel free to message. I don’t know if I can help much but I can definitely offer words of support. There’s so much conflicting information out there about how everything works and I know how overwhelming it can feel.
Like most of you I found myself here after getting the knock early one morning and my husband was arrested on suspicion of downloading images. It was the worst day of my life and thinking back to it now it was all such a blur. The police were in our house for hours and scanned all of our devices, then eventually left with just his phone. Following his initial interview he was released on bail. Fortunately we don’t have any children so he was able to stay at home and we were able to get on with life relatively normally even though it felt like we had this huge secret hanging over us and the unknown of what might happen.
Just less than 3 months later we were waiting to hear about his bail being extended (we were told this will almost certainly happen), and instead he had a call to say the forensics had come back and they didn’t find anything so it would be no further action. He was then able to collect his phone.
We were both obviously absolutely elated and also just shocked that it had come back so quickly. From everyone we have spoken to and everything I had seen on here we were fully expecting that we would be waiting years. I had researched non stop about the legal process and wanted to be fully prepared for what might come. The relief of knowing that we wouldn’t have to go through all that was just unreal and I think still hasn’t fully sunk in yet.
It’s not over by any means and I’m still not completely sure what it means for our relationship in the future, however I’m glad that we can now focus on that without the legal side looming over us. Like a lot of men in this situation it has come to light that he had a porn addiction of which I was completely unaware, and that these completely legal sites have things on there that shouldn’t be. I have tried my best to get my head around it all and try to understand, and he has also done everything he can to work on himself and genuinely wants to be better. We’re both seeing our own therapists and he has started attending SAA in person which also seems very positive. He is really making a huge effort and I do believe has been completely honest with me, although that doesn’t take away the years of lies and the trauma of putting me through all this. I still wake up early in the morning worrying about the police turning up again and just feel pretty on edge most of the time. However I am feeling much more positive about the future, whatever that might be and I do hope that there might be a time one day where we can be happy and this will be a distant memory. But only time will tell on that one.
The few members of his family that knew have also not been massively supportive despite the NFA, and I’m really not sure he will ever get that relationship with them back. That’s also been tough on me as I feel like it’s been all on me to support him whilst also struggling to deal with everything myself. It’s been very isolating, and I’m sure many others know that feeling well.
I guess I just wanted to share some positive news that NFA can happen and it doesn’t always necessarily take years, although this does seem to be rare and we are aware that we are incredibly lucky.
Whilst he was absolutely the one who got himself into this situation, it completely blows my mind how easily people can fall into this and how easily accessible things are online. How is it that more is not done to stop these images coming up on well used apps and websites?
I also feel strongly about the lack of support for relatives of the accused, considering how common this type of crime seems to be now. I do feel lucky in that I was assigned a liaison officer referred through the police who was just absolutely incredible and so kind. She even got emotional when I called to tell her about the NFA and was genuinely so pleased for me.
I also can’t recommend Talking Forward enough who run online support groups for people in our exact situation. The facilitators are amazing and it’s just so comforting to hear other people’s stories. There’s parents, partners, siblings, people who have stayed, people who have left, people who don't know if they will stay. You can just sit and listen but everyone has the opportunity to speak if they want to. No judgements at all.
Anyway that was a much longer post that I meant it to be! Sending lots of virtual hugs to everyone, wherever you might be in this horrible process.
If anyone has any questions about our particular case feel free to message. I don’t know if I can help much but I can definitely offer words of support. There’s so much conflicting information out there about how everything works and I know how overwhelming it can feel.
Hi and thank you for sharing your story. It must be such a relief ... could I ask if ypy don't mind... do you know exactly what they accused him of which they ultimatly they felt required no further action?
