I left on Friday after 9 months after the knock. I feel sad, I feel numb and I don't know what to do with myself. I know I can't continue to live in the constant state of anxiety everyday and living 3 months to 3 months waiting to hear if there's any news or if the bail will be extended again and I know I need time to grieve him and what I thought our life would be together. I've been trying to look for some relatable content surrounding break ups but this is just different. You don't see anyone talking about going through anything like this and trying to deal with the hurt. I've been going to counselling hoping that would help but it's like I just word vomit for an hour saying the same thing week in week out and it doesnt make me feel better. I don't think anything will make me feel better and I know time is a healer but I don't know what to do with this pain I feel. I'm not really sure what I want to get out of this post but I just wanted to post somewhere people do understand the hurt and the anxiety and the complete heartbreak of being put in a situation you wouldn't wish on anyone.