Practical advice - OH moving in
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SS have been involved for 18 months, my OH was online offences (9 images found in the cache) but the press destroyed us both by printing and sensationalising uncharged material from CPS report. My kids have not experienced any back lash thank god, but me and my partner have lost almost huge amount and are haunted by the press article still being online.
We are on our second CIN but SW is now working on a 12 week plan to sign us off giving us the option for my OH to move in with us. The 4 of us just want to be a normal family. What should be a time of relief and excitement is one of trepidation. What will this look like in working practice for my kids? We can't have friends round without me informing parents he's on the SOR and I'm terrified of future repercussions for them. Any experiences would be really welcomed xx
We are on our second CIN but SW is now working on a 12 week plan to sign us off giving us the option for my OH to move in with us. The 4 of us just want to be a normal family. What should be a time of relief and excitement is one of trepidation. What will this look like in working practice for my kids? We can't have friends round without me informing parents he's on the SOR and I'm terrified of future repercussions for them. Any experiences would be really welcomed xx
Hi,
life for my daughter is relatively normal and since she hasn't ever known any different it's normal for her. She has lots of friends and has play dates. We just meet at a soft play, park or somewhere like that rather than coming to the house. I'd never let her have sleepovers so I don't anticipate that being an issue going forward as to why her friends won't stay at our house. My partner has finished his time on sor now. Ss approved a safety plan including sleepovers but partner stays elsewhere. I may change my mind but I don't think sleepovers are in our future because I'd then feel obligated to let my daughter stay at her friends and that isn't something I want.
There are a few of my daughters friends parents who know because I've told them. They have been hugely supportive and we still enjoy play dates and I'm trusted to look after their children. I would only do this without my partner but that's a me thing, they don't even ask if he's around etc xxx
life for my daughter is relatively normal and since she hasn't ever known any different it's normal for her. She has lots of friends and has play dates. We just meet at a soft play, park or somewhere like that rather than coming to the house. I'd never let her have sleepovers so I don't anticipate that being an issue going forward as to why her friends won't stay at our house. My partner has finished his time on sor now. Ss approved a safety plan including sleepovers but partner stays elsewhere. I may change my mind but I don't think sleepovers are in our future because I'd then feel obligated to let my daughter stay at her friends and that isn't something I want.
There are a few of my daughters friends parents who know because I've told them. They have been hugely supportive and we still enjoy play dates and I'm trusted to look after their children. I would only do this without my partner but that's a me thing, they don't even ask if he's around etc xxx
Eye of the storm,
I remember reading your posts and your journey. I remember mentally book marking some of the stuff you said about what you did with your kids around working with SS - thank you.
Although you are facing the next bit with trepidation, I'm really pleased to read that you've moved forward with SS to him working to move back in - I hope it all works out for you all :)
I remember reading your posts and your journey. I remember mentally book marking some of the stuff you said about what you did with your kids around working with SS - thank you.
Although you are facing the next bit with trepidation, I'm really pleased to read that you've moved forward with SS to him working to move back in - I hope it all works out for you all :)
Thank you - I know you've both been on the forum for a while too and I really hope your moving in a positive direction.
@lostandalone that's so kind of you and I'm pleased you've found my posts and experience useful to you. Xxx
My 14 year old has become a fully fledged teenager since all this has happened and there's a bit of friction that became apparent yesterday - that we're hoping doesn't turn in to resentment against my OH ....he hates having SS involved in his life, understandably, and their input is affecting him negatively. I'm going to spend the day with him this week, just me and him time and I'll see if I can get him to open up a bit more. I think I probably need to give him a bit more age appropriate information about the situation but not sure how much or which bits. As a teenager he's focusing on the bits that directly impact him negatively, rather than having the maturity to see all the good that comes from having my OH in our lives. My OH is a constant presence for them, he's invested in their lives and is always there to support them. But he's not their biological Dad and I think that must play a part. Then I find myself questioning whether he should move in. I'm trying to get this right for all of us, but jeez it's hard!
Everything feels so complicated at the minute, I'm having to balance so many relationships and there's no outlet for me (probably why I'm finding myself drawn back to the forum) and there was me hoping this would all get easier at some point!
The SW told me that probation are looking to lower his risk level, but he doesn't meet the criteria for having other social outlets - I told her that all sounds great in practice, but imagine being someone who's lost everyone (all his family, his children and every friend he had), his character & reputation cruelly abliterated by the press, labelled with the stigma of the SOR, losing low paid factory jobs when people find out, living in a small city so constantly on alert and looking over your shoulder - but then he's expected to feel safe/comfortable and have the confidence to start making new friends!?
Wish me luck! Think I'm going to need it! X
@lostandalone that's so kind of you and I'm pleased you've found my posts and experience useful to you. Xxx
My 14 year old has become a fully fledged teenager since all this has happened and there's a bit of friction that became apparent yesterday - that we're hoping doesn't turn in to resentment against my OH ....he hates having SS involved in his life, understandably, and their input is affecting him negatively. I'm going to spend the day with him this week, just me and him time and I'll see if I can get him to open up a bit more. I think I probably need to give him a bit more age appropriate information about the situation but not sure how much or which bits. As a teenager he's focusing on the bits that directly impact him negatively, rather than having the maturity to see all the good that comes from having my OH in our lives. My OH is a constant presence for them, he's invested in their lives and is always there to support them. But he's not their biological Dad and I think that must play a part. Then I find myself questioning whether he should move in. I'm trying to get this right for all of us, but jeez it's hard!
Everything feels so complicated at the minute, I'm having to balance so many relationships and there's no outlet for me (probably why I'm finding myself drawn back to the forum) and there was me hoping this would all get easier at some point!
The SW told me that probation are looking to lower his risk level, but he doesn't meet the criteria for having other social outlets - I told her that all sounds great in practice, but imagine being someone who's lost everyone (all his family, his children and every friend he had), his character & reputation cruelly abliterated by the press, labelled with the stigma of the SOR, losing low paid factory jobs when people find out, living in a small city so constantly on alert and looking over your shoulder - but then he's expected to feel safe/comfortable and have the confidence to start making new friends!?
Wish me luck! Think I'm going to need it! X
We started our transition home a couple of months ago now while we were still on a CPP. Started first with one night stay where I currently live (not in the family home). Did that for 2 weeks. Then went up to 2 nights. After about a month and a half it was agreed with all the professionals that 3 nights would be okay and have slowly been increasing night at the family home instead. We have stayed at 3 nights since then because we litrally cant do anymore till I move back. So far, so good. We are now on a CIN plan and SS are happy with everything we are doing.
At the moment I still have to supervise while awake (no legal need but its part of the safety plan) and I do the personal care. Its not be unmanageable to do. Was weird sleeping in my own home again at first but its now nice. SS are possitive which is nice as ive had a rocky relationship with them.
My husbands still seen as high risk by probation but we have a specialist report that states he is low risk to our daughter which was the thing that got us moving home in the end.
At the moment I still have to supervise while awake (no legal need but its part of the safety plan) and I do the personal care. Its not be unmanageable to do. Was weird sleeping in my own home again at first but its now nice. SS are possitive which is nice as ive had a rocky relationship with them.
My husbands still seen as high risk by probation but we have a specialist report that states he is low risk to our daughter which was the thing that got us moving home in the end.
