Does the anxiety ever go?
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Hello!
My ex got arrested nearly a year ago now and our baby was 4 months old at the time. We really loved each other and we're going to get married, everything was going perfectly. Then the arrest came, he said he has a porn addiction and there were some IIOC sent within a KIK chat which police confirmed they got flagged about 6 videos. Social services did s47 and then left us on a family plan. He attends SAA weekly and goes to specialist therapy.
There's not an hour in my day where I dont think about the arrest and the ripples its caused. Im angry about what could of been, anxious about how it will affect me and the baby and what if it gets out. He does support with our child but its all supervised which is a big stress for me, I never get a break which makes me bitter and frustrated. I'm stuck as to whether to go on through this and be together in the future or just to leave now and be a completely single parent with no immediate support (some friends). Im stuck between my personal morals, getting anxious people will get told and that my baby wont be able to have friends over when theyre older. We are definitely the victims in this situations.
If anyone has advice on how it is for them it would be much appreciated thank you. Or if anyone would like to private message me and it would be nice to chat with someone in the same boat.
My ex got arrested nearly a year ago now and our baby was 4 months old at the time. We really loved each other and we're going to get married, everything was going perfectly. Then the arrest came, he said he has a porn addiction and there were some IIOC sent within a KIK chat which police confirmed they got flagged about 6 videos. Social services did s47 and then left us on a family plan. He attends SAA weekly and goes to specialist therapy.
There's not an hour in my day where I dont think about the arrest and the ripples its caused. Im angry about what could of been, anxious about how it will affect me and the baby and what if it gets out. He does support with our child but its all supervised which is a big stress for me, I never get a break which makes me bitter and frustrated. I'm stuck as to whether to go on through this and be together in the future or just to leave now and be a completely single parent with no immediate support (some friends). Im stuck between my personal morals, getting anxious people will get told and that my baby wont be able to have friends over when theyre older. We are definitely the victims in this situations.
If anyone has advice on how it is for them it would be much appreciated thank you. Or if anyone would like to private message me and it would be nice to chat with someone in the same boat.
Hi lovely. It has been just coming up to 2 years since 'the knock' for us which was August 2024, my person wasn't arrested at this stage and was left at home 6 months before they arrested him and then a further 13/14 months before they charged him in April this year. He has pled NG and isn't in court until next year! I totally feel you, we have two children together and can only have supervised contact via his mum so hasn't been able to return home since 2025. I have mad anxiety especially with anything to do with the police. Unfortunately my persons case has got out there as it was on courts serve and I've been subject to recent harassment and people maliciously reporting me. Sending lots of love because I know how lovely it can be x
Hiya!
I just wanted to tell you what happened with me (I left immediately) to see if this helps you in any way!
for context: my fiancé was arrested and then immediately charged- plead G so it's different. He's been in prison for 8 months so far.
Im 21, a care leaver so had zero family support due to this and had been significantly isolated from my friends due to the relationship- I currently have a 6 month only daughter with him. I was 8 months pregnant when he was arrested. It blew up in the media- I had past friends, past neighbours message about it and the majority of people in the area knew who he was. I was never blamed or harassed once about it and any friends I managed to connect with were very sympathetic and didn't judge me
i immediately left due to the severity of the offences and SS told me that if I didn't they would take custody of my child when she was born. My house was in my exes name, everything I had was in my exes name and it was horrifically scared that I'd be left with nothing and no home
I became homeless voluntarily and was put in hostels and temporary accommodation until I was able to go back to my shared home just in my name this time. My daughter has never known him and he has no access and for that I am very grateful. However I can imagine it's more difficult if you've had that past partner support and then lost it but do not be deterred
I had one conversation with him since his arrest where he explained his actions were down to porn addiction/sex addiction however that never sat right with me. If you watch or commit a crime sexually and it's to do with children especially it is inexcusable. And makes him an immediate danger to all children- including his own.
I gently want to say that I loved him with all of my heart, not a day goes by that I don't miss the man I thought I knew and how safe I felt and the future I thought my child would have with him however the safety of my daughter was paramount. I don't think anyone would judge you for leaving. Your child in the future will completely understand that you did what was best and with or without support you will absolutely make it. I promise you!
if you'd like to private message me I am all ears, you're not alone and you can get through this without him.
Bella xx
I just wanted to tell you what happened with me (I left immediately) to see if this helps you in any way!
for context: my fiancé was arrested and then immediately charged- plead G so it's different. He's been in prison for 8 months so far.
Im 21, a care leaver so had zero family support due to this and had been significantly isolated from my friends due to the relationship- I currently have a 6 month only daughter with him. I was 8 months pregnant when he was arrested. It blew up in the media- I had past friends, past neighbours message about it and the majority of people in the area knew who he was. I was never blamed or harassed once about it and any friends I managed to connect with were very sympathetic and didn't judge me
i immediately left due to the severity of the offences and SS told me that if I didn't they would take custody of my child when she was born. My house was in my exes name, everything I had was in my exes name and it was horrifically scared that I'd be left with nothing and no home
I became homeless voluntarily and was put in hostels and temporary accommodation until I was able to go back to my shared home just in my name this time. My daughter has never known him and he has no access and for that I am very grateful. However I can imagine it's more difficult if you've had that past partner support and then lost it but do not be deterred
I had one conversation with him since his arrest where he explained his actions were down to porn addiction/sex addiction however that never sat right with me. If you watch or commit a crime sexually and it's to do with children especially it is inexcusable. And makes him an immediate danger to all children- including his own.
I gently want to say that I loved him with all of my heart, not a day goes by that I don't miss the man I thought I knew and how safe I felt and the future I thought my child would have with him however the safety of my daughter was paramount. I don't think anyone would judge you for leaving. Your child in the future will completely understand that you did what was best and with or without support you will absolutely make it. I promise you!
if you'd like to private message me I am all ears, you're not alone and you can get through this without him.
Bella xx
