I don't come on here very often these days but today it's four years since my now ex H was arrested and I've been reflecting.

We were one of the lucky ones. Everything happened so fast. It was a whirlwind. He was arrested on day one, charged that evening and in court the following day. The delays then started as it was passed to the crown court and it was the time of the barristers strikes and we had another delay. But less than 5 months later, he was sentenced. He got a suspended sentence and he thought that'd be it, it'll all go back to normal. But then real fun began as it was reported in our local paper. He lost his job, friends, everything.

I never imagined any of this would happen to us. Our marriage wasn't perfect but I thought we'd grow old together. Our kids were young teenagers at the time. I've never been so angry. I couldn't believe he would do something so stupid. He'd been talking to undercover police posing as young girls. He didn't believe they were who they said they were and he was right, but also it's still illegal. He kept hoping it would all just go away, that it was a mistake. But he ended up pleading guilty after advice from his solicitor.

Four years on, life is fairly calm. I always say my life is a bit dull these days - but that's much better than the alternative! He has a job, it's not great, certainly not what he's used to doing, but he'd need a DBS check for his previous profession (nothing to do with kids) and nobody wanted to take him on after they found out about the conviction, which is a shame as he was really good at what he did. He comes round for dinner most weeks and takes the kids out every other weekend.


I managed to keep the family home, I now feel settled and in a far better place than I have for a long time. But I realised yesterday that I still have an underlying fear about being away from the house and the police coming - I was at work when they came to tell me that they'd arrested him and search the house, kids at home as it was school holidays (I only worked 5 mins away). My life is much smaller in many ways, but also much richer. I feel like it clipped my wings, but I'm proud that I've been able to give my kids stability and they're both doing well.

It's hard to describe to someone who's never been through what we've been through how utterly devastating it is. How it completely upturns your life. And the ripples carry on throughout your life.

Thank you. I remember how disorientating and scary those early days are. Life is never going to be the same again, but the new version can still be good and I hope that gives anyone in the early stages something to hold on to.

I'm sure that's possible. I had PTSD from when it was in the paper and everyone knew. I found it so triggering being around people we'd both known for a long time and not knowing what their reaction would be. Most people either didn't mention it or were unbelievably kind. I have an amazing support network which is much wider than I realised.
But yes the door thing is still something I find so hard to get over. Whenever I leave the kids at home (and they're old enough to be home alone, the eldest is at uni) I shouldn't need to worry, but I can't switch off.