8 months after the knock
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My (now) ex B was arrested and charged with child sex crimes and making IIOC 8 months ago. He's been sentenced to 12.5 years in prison. I'm not sure it'll ever get better to be honest. I was 8 months pregnant at the time of his arrest with his baby and obviously had SS involvement under PLO and CIN plan. I went through court and managed to keep my baby. I am riddled with anxiety- I think I have ptsd. I'm a ball of nerves 24/7 and I still cry daily about how my life fell apart and how much harder life is now. I managed to keep my home and I've broadened my support network, I'm slowly becoming more like 'me' but everything's scares me. Knocks on the door, blue flashing lights.
the knock happened on an evening so now when it's dark outside I panic. It feels like the anxiety won't ever go away. Police keep phoning and visiting me with updates even 8 months on and the sight of police makes me feel sick with anxiety. I honestly have been so affected by everything that happened. He wasn't even arrested from my house and yet still all of this is impacting me even now. They say time will heal but I'm becoming increasingly sceptical
i obviously immediately left him, but I grieve what we were. I miss the man I knew so deeply, we were going to get married and we were already starting our little family. I'm so heartbroken. There's nothing I want more for this to all have just been a bad dream. People have forever told me that I'm strong for how I've held myself through this but honestly I haven't been holding it well at all. Constant breakdowns, constant stress and anxiety. It's like my heart physically hurts. He was my safe place, my person but he's a monster. I don't feel like I'll ever be capable of romantic love again and my world view has been turned upside down. I honestly wish you could get some type of compensation for what I've been made to feel through his actions. It can't be just for someone to put you through this and face zero repercussions. My whole life shattered and my life was pulled from under my feet.
I just want a looking glass to a few years from now to see if I'm doing any better. Because trying to raise a baby whilst dealing with this mental battle is so draining and feels endless. I don't know how I'm supposed to bare it moving forwards. I know I will for my daughter but it feels impossible
the knock happened on an evening so now when it's dark outside I panic. It feels like the anxiety won't ever go away. Police keep phoning and visiting me with updates even 8 months on and the sight of police makes me feel sick with anxiety. I honestly have been so affected by everything that happened. He wasn't even arrested from my house and yet still all of this is impacting me even now. They say time will heal but I'm becoming increasingly sceptical
i obviously immediately left him, but I grieve what we were. I miss the man I knew so deeply, we were going to get married and we were already starting our little family. I'm so heartbroken. There's nothing I want more for this to all have just been a bad dream. People have forever told me that I'm strong for how I've held myself through this but honestly I haven't been holding it well at all. Constant breakdowns, constant stress and anxiety. It's like my heart physically hurts. He was my safe place, my person but he's a monster. I don't feel like I'll ever be capable of romantic love again and my world view has been turned upside down. I honestly wish you could get some type of compensation for what I've been made to feel through his actions. It can't be just for someone to put you through this and face zero repercussions. My whole life shattered and my life was pulled from under my feet.
I just want a looking glass to a few years from now to see if I'm doing any better. Because trying to raise a baby whilst dealing with this mental battle is so draining and feels endless. I don't know how I'm supposed to bare it moving forwards. I know I will for my daughter but it feels impossible
I hear your pain and struggle, anguish and anxiety. I am glad you have some support. Have you had some help to get you through the PTSD?
