I know i'm not alone but I feel it.
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Hello,
I am new here today. My soon-to-be ex husband was the one that got arrested back in November 2025 after we got "the knock". He let me sit in the livingroom with 2 police officers guarding us for 4 hours while another 4 officers and a sniffer dog were raiding the house for all our devices, including my 9 year olds tablet. He let me sit there for 4 hours wondering why all of this was happening, thinking they got it all wrong, while it was AI that alerted the police. He didn't even have the decency to tell the truth and own up! The police took my 2 laptops aswell as my old iPhone SE. I just want my property back. I know the police are doing their job but i just want them all back. My daughter got her tablet and I got my current phone back once it was established that my husband was the offender. God knows how long the case is going to be open for, but I hope it won't be too much longer now. I've been on edge for 9 months.
In the time since that happened, I have moved out with my daugher and my dog and back into my parents house. My daughter has my old room, and I have my parents old room while they have the spare.
For 9 months I have been on constant high alert as my anxiety and depression have taken over my life with all of this. I have a chronic illness and even that has been made worse with this traumatic disruption. Every time a police car goes past I think they are coming back for ME. How i've been made to feel as he lied and manipulated my mind for so long. He also commited adultry and he also had a gambling addiction. I supported him to get better from those things, but he took the piss out of me by creating this situation with the IIOC situation. He has not only destroyed his own life but mine and our childs too. I do not support him anymore, so getting divorced is the way forward.
I have been in counselling and my counsellor is constantly telling me that none of this is my doing. I never asked for this to happen. I've already had a "friend" dump me because of what he has done. This friend didn't want to associate with him in any way and that meant dumping my friendship, even though I haven't done anything wrong. This is all because of HIM.
Does anyone else now question every single late night? Every single photo ever taken? Every single time the offending partner said "I'll be coming up to bed in a minute i'm just watching another episode of this...." - The reason I mentioned this was because I was told by my social worker (Who has now closed the case on my daughter) the day after he was arrested, that "Live Streaming" was involved with his case. It makes me sick to my stomach. I can't even bare to think about it.
Anyway, thanks for reading and I am sorry it's so long.
For those who have been where I am, how much longer am I to expect to be in limbo? And will the police want to speak with me at all? I'm just going through hell as I have absolutely no idea what to expect. I am suspectedly on the spectrum, so my anxiety of the unknown is HELL! It's totally ruined my life.
I am new here today. My soon-to-be ex husband was the one that got arrested back in November 2025 after we got "the knock". He let me sit in the livingroom with 2 police officers guarding us for 4 hours while another 4 officers and a sniffer dog were raiding the house for all our devices, including my 9 year olds tablet. He let me sit there for 4 hours wondering why all of this was happening, thinking they got it all wrong, while it was AI that alerted the police. He didn't even have the decency to tell the truth and own up! The police took my 2 laptops aswell as my old iPhone SE. I just want my property back. I know the police are doing their job but i just want them all back. My daughter got her tablet and I got my current phone back once it was established that my husband was the offender. God knows how long the case is going to be open for, but I hope it won't be too much longer now. I've been on edge for 9 months.
In the time since that happened, I have moved out with my daugher and my dog and back into my parents house. My daughter has my old room, and I have my parents old room while they have the spare.
For 9 months I have been on constant high alert as my anxiety and depression have taken over my life with all of this. I have a chronic illness and even that has been made worse with this traumatic disruption. Every time a police car goes past I think they are coming back for ME. How i've been made to feel as he lied and manipulated my mind for so long. He also commited adultry and he also had a gambling addiction. I supported him to get better from those things, but he took the piss out of me by creating this situation with the IIOC situation. He has not only destroyed his own life but mine and our childs too. I do not support him anymore, so getting divorced is the way forward.
I have been in counselling and my counsellor is constantly telling me that none of this is my doing. I never asked for this to happen. I've already had a "friend" dump me because of what he has done. This friend didn't want to associate with him in any way and that meant dumping my friendship, even though I haven't done anything wrong. This is all because of HIM.
Does anyone else now question every single late night? Every single photo ever taken? Every single time the offending partner said "I'll be coming up to bed in a minute i'm just watching another episode of this...." - The reason I mentioned this was because I was told by my social worker (Who has now closed the case on my daughter) the day after he was arrested, that "Live Streaming" was involved with his case. It makes me sick to my stomach. I can't even bare to think about it.
Anyway, thanks for reading and I am sorry it's so long.
For those who have been where I am, how much longer am I to expect to be in limbo? And will the police want to speak with me at all? I'm just going through hell as I have absolutely no idea what to expect. I am suspectedly on the spectrum, so my anxiety of the unknown is HELL! It's totally ruined my life.
I really feel for you. My ex's disgusting little secret was exposed in November and it's either gone or about to go to the CPS, so hopefully you won't have too long to wait. Like you I now think about times when he was probably doing it but that way madness lies. These people seem to be pathological liars and manipulators, it's almost as vile as what they did that was illegal. I'm glad to be rid of such a person. No longer innocently living with a very well-disguised monster is the only good thing in my situation. I hope you feel that relief too at some point.
Hi there. I'm sorry that you've found yourself here.
I can relate very much to you questioning the late nights. I still constantly think back to all the weekends when my ex used to come to bed late because he 'wanted to watch his series' or play some more video games with his mates. And it deeply hurts me, thinking back to how safe I felt, completely oblivious to what was going on in just the room next door. I try not to think about it too much, but it still haunts me from time to time.
His case is still in limbo as well, as it has also been 9 months since the knock for us. So I'm not too sure about how long the process is. I do admit that it is a bit hard for me to move on completely without knowing what the outcome is for him. I'm praying that time will continue to heal these wounds.
I can relate very much to you questioning the late nights. I still constantly think back to all the weekends when my ex used to come to bed late because he 'wanted to watch his series' or play some more video games with his mates. And it deeply hurts me, thinking back to how safe I felt, completely oblivious to what was going on in just the room next door. I try not to think about it too much, but it still haunts me from time to time.
His case is still in limbo as well, as it has also been 9 months since the knock for us. So I'm not too sure about how long the process is. I do admit that it is a bit hard for me to move on completely without knowing what the outcome is for him. I'm praying that time will continue to heal these wounds.
That old - I'm coming to bed soon when I've finished watching this etc.
They are liars and all they think about is themselves
I'm sorry you find yourself feeling like this but you have done nothing wrong - we all believe them at first. I hope you can rebuild your life for you and your child - you deserve far more.
I lost friends but now looking back they weren't great friends anyway. And it's hard not to look back looking for clues. Now with hindsight I can see plenty of red flags.
Life will be good again but sadly it's a long journey
Take care x
They are liars and all they think about is themselves
I'm sorry you find yourself feeling like this but you have done nothing wrong - we all believe them at first. I hope you can rebuild your life for you and your child - you deserve far more.
I lost friends but now looking back they weren't great friends anyway. And it's hard not to look back looking for clues. Now with hindsight I can see plenty of red flags.
Life will be good again but sadly it's a long journey
Take care x
Thank you all for the warm welcome. I'm sorry that any of us are here to begin with but it is important for us to be able to support each other.
The late nights is something that happened quite often unfortunately. I just don't know how to cope. I am away from him but the stress and trauma is following me around everywhere I go. My soon to be ex husband and his mother just seem to brush this all under the rug and are living in the present, and what happens in the future regarding his case, they will deal with it when the time happens. Which pisses me off to the max, beause it seems like they just don't care what he's done and the after affects from this. What he has done has affected me for the rest of my life, and I don't know what to do. I am receiving counselling and have been given a couple of apps to help reduce my anxiety and SH, because what he hs done has resulted in me struggling with this. First and foremost, I make sure that my child is happy and content, and I come second.
My negative thoughts are ruining my life, and I really don't know what to do. I don't knw whether to email the OIC to mention how much i'm struggling and needing to be spoonfed what is happening regarding this case, because my stupid ex has never been good at telling me anything. Like he has recently got himself a new job (not with the public, but shelf stacking for a company), however i had to ask him about it, he never offers any information. I am sick to death of life. I'm sick to death of having all this anxiety and not being able to get rid of it. It's literally ruining my life. I don't know what to do. :-( I need help.
The late nights is something that happened quite often unfortunately. I just don't know how to cope. I am away from him but the stress and trauma is following me around everywhere I go. My soon to be ex husband and his mother just seem to brush this all under the rug and are living in the present, and what happens in the future regarding his case, they will deal with it when the time happens. Which pisses me off to the max, beause it seems like they just don't care what he's done and the after affects from this. What he has done has affected me for the rest of my life, and I don't know what to do. I am receiving counselling and have been given a couple of apps to help reduce my anxiety and SH, because what he hs done has resulted in me struggling with this. First and foremost, I make sure that my child is happy and content, and I come second.
My negative thoughts are ruining my life, and I really don't know what to do. I don't knw whether to email the OIC to mention how much i'm struggling and needing to be spoonfed what is happening regarding this case, because my stupid ex has never been good at telling me anything. Like he has recently got himself a new job (not with the public, but shelf stacking for a company), however i had to ask him about it, he never offers any information. I am sick to death of life. I'm sick to death of having all this anxiety and not being able to get rid of it. It's literally ruining my life. I don't know what to do. :-( I need help.
