Found Out Today
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Hi im new here so dont know what to expect. Ive read a few peoples stories and this is not as bad as those. This story is a bit complicated so im going to do my best to explain My ex who i knew for 20 years on and off (we were friends long before we got together and split up then got back together years later. Its a long story) In the time between us breaking up first time and getting back together i didnt see him and he was in prison for talking to a minor. He explained it like he was so depressed he didnt notice that she was a minor. But she was. I kind of forgave him because i believed he wouldnt do anything because in all the years i have known him he only went for older women and i was a couple of years older than him and i even wrote to a judge to help him get his SOPO sorted and it worked. Not ended but less strict so he could work. I know im a bad person but i was absolutely infacuated with him. I know thats not an excuse and im sorry if i offend anyone with my behaviour then.
I havent seen him for nearly 10 years and i find out from a friend he got arrested yesterday for grooming. Its all over our local facebook which im not on. So everyone knows him now and if they know me they will know i was with him years ago. Luckily there wasnt a girl on the end and it was a sting operation but i dont care. I feel even worse now for believing him and believing he wouldnt ever do it again. I dont know what to think.
Thankyou for listening
I havent seen him for nearly 10 years and i find out from a friend he got arrested yesterday for grooming. Its all over our local facebook which im not on. So everyone knows him now and if they know me they will know i was with him years ago. Luckily there wasnt a girl on the end and it was a sting operation but i dont care. I feel even worse now for believing him and believing he wouldnt ever do it again. I dont know what to think.
Thankyou for listening
Hi Naive B, and a very warm welcome to the forum. I truly hope you find this a place where you feel supported, understood, and never judged. There are good people here who know what it’s like to face situations you never expected to be in, and you’re not alone.
You are not a bad person. None of us can see into the future, and we all make decisions based on the information, emotions, and pressures we’re experiencing at the time. If we could rewind life and make different choices, I think many of us would, but sadly that isn’t how life works.
You couldn’t have known what he would do ten years later. None of us can predict someone’s future behaviour, especially when we’re basing our hopes on the person they were at the time. You believed he had changed because that’s what he showed you back then, and trusting what you see in front of you isn’t a mistake, it’s human.
People can appear stable for years, and many genuinely do change. When someone reoffends after such a long gap, it doesn’t mean you were naïve or wrong to believe in them. It means that something resurfaced in them, not that you failed to see it.
You are not a bad person. None of us can see into the future, and we all make decisions based on the information, emotions, and pressures we’re experiencing at the time. If we could rewind life and make different choices, I think many of us would, but sadly that isn’t how life works.
You couldn’t have known what he would do ten years later. None of us can predict someone’s future behaviour, especially when we’re basing our hopes on the person they were at the time. You believed he had changed because that’s what he showed you back then, and trusting what you see in front of you isn’t a mistake, it’s human.
People can appear stable for years, and many genuinely do change. When someone reoffends after such a long gap, it doesn’t mean you were naïve or wrong to believe in them. It means that something resurfaced in them, not that you failed to see it.
