Anniversary of The Knock
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Well, we're one year on from that horrible day, and no further forward. Depression, anxiety, isolation, misery..... but no word on any movement forward. They've still got the devices and he's still living on the edge.
We're living separate lives together, not anything we decided upon as such, it just happened that way in the months since. Sometimes we have good days when you'd think nothing had happened. Sometimes i hate him, sometimes i feel lonely and long for the man he used to be.
As far as my family are concerned we're still together and we've used his anxiety/depression as the reason he hasn't travelled to visit them (100+ miles away, so it's easily avoided), but the more time goes by i'm inclined to suggest to them that we are separated, as it's far closer to the truth. Friends still, but not husband/wife. That ship has sailed for now.
I daydream sometimes that enough times goes over the police forget about the case and move on, or that it was all a big mistake and we get an NFA. But that's not going to happen. It boggles me that for something that is taken so seriously and made such a fuss of when it comes out, that for a year they are content to let him live on in the community; if they are such 'dangerous' people, where's the urgency to do anything? It's maddening, and utterly ridiculous. The last 12 months of isolation and self-enforced house-arrest have been punishment enough if you could see what it's done to him (and to me). When the mental health crisis team did an assessment after his suicide attempts, they ticked the boxes "danger to children/spouse". Clearly not a priority though since absolutely nothing changed and there has never been any follow up, either on my welfare or his own (although he now on anti-depressants, which he asked for himself)
The whole thing is a living nightmare, and i'm only sorry that we are all in this mess. I needed to get this out my system today - thanks for reading this rant!!!
We're living separate lives together, not anything we decided upon as such, it just happened that way in the months since. Sometimes we have good days when you'd think nothing had happened. Sometimes i hate him, sometimes i feel lonely and long for the man he used to be.
As far as my family are concerned we're still together and we've used his anxiety/depression as the reason he hasn't travelled to visit them (100+ miles away, so it's easily avoided), but the more time goes by i'm inclined to suggest to them that we are separated, as it's far closer to the truth. Friends still, but not husband/wife. That ship has sailed for now.
I daydream sometimes that enough times goes over the police forget about the case and move on, or that it was all a big mistake and we get an NFA. But that's not going to happen. It boggles me that for something that is taken so seriously and made such a fuss of when it comes out, that for a year they are content to let him live on in the community; if they are such 'dangerous' people, where's the urgency to do anything? It's maddening, and utterly ridiculous. The last 12 months of isolation and self-enforced house-arrest have been punishment enough if you could see what it's done to him (and to me). When the mental health crisis team did an assessment after his suicide attempts, they ticked the boxes "danger to children/spouse". Clearly not a priority though since absolutely nothing changed and there has never been any follow up, either on my welfare or his own (although he now on anti-depressants, which he asked for himself)
The whole thing is a living nightmare, and i'm only sorry that we are all in this mess. I needed to get this out my system today - thanks for reading this rant!!!
In my view all this delay is an abuse of human rights.Section 6;for the police to say they do not have the resources is no reason or excuse (see page 75).They know the demand they have,so they should ensure they have the reources to deal speedily with cases.Even the court states "Justice delayed is justice denied"
I am minded to sue the force for damage to my own mental health over the delay.
I am minded to sue the force for damage to my own mental health over the delay.
I totally agree with you kls it took 19 months for my hubby's case to go to court and during that time he was left to go about his business day in and day out.
Now that it's in the paper he has been cleared a danger to society by the public but like you said the police weren't bothered for the pasted 19months.
It's that much of a crisis this type of crime that they can't keep up with the defendants. There is over 10,000 sex offenders in the area I live and more being added every day. I not saying my hubby doesn't deserve what he got but I never hear someone being caught for making these videos or hurting these children. Where are they in all this.
The government need to step up but they wont because they are making too much money from the porn industry.
This is just my opinion xxx
Now that it's in the paper he has been cleared a danger to society by the public but like you said the police weren't bothered for the pasted 19months.
It's that much of a crisis this type of crime that they can't keep up with the defendants. There is over 10,000 sex offenders in the area I live and more being added every day. I not saying my hubby doesn't deserve what he got but I never hear someone being caught for making these videos or hurting these children. Where are they in all this.
The government need to step up but they wont because they are making too much money from the porn industry.
This is just my opinion xxx
Hi all,
The year anniversary of the knock for me was this week too and it was really tough. I chose to end the relationship straight away and it happened to be this week that I provided a statement to police as my former partner is denying wrongdoing. I don't believe him and ultimately feel that I should do my bit to bring justice and get the truth out regardless. To me, the truth and justice are the most important thing. It has been a very emotionally draining week but I've just kept telling myself that if I can get through the initial week, I can get through this one. In the end I have got through. I can't influence anything now so I'm trying to let go of what I cannot control.
Love to all
Gem x
The year anniversary of the knock for me was this week too and it was really tough. I chose to end the relationship straight away and it happened to be this week that I provided a statement to police as my former partner is denying wrongdoing. I don't believe him and ultimately feel that I should do my bit to bring justice and get the truth out regardless. To me, the truth and justice are the most important thing. It has been a very emotionally draining week but I've just kept telling myself that if I can get through the initial week, I can get through this one. In the end I have got through. I can't influence anything now so I'm trying to let go of what I cannot control.
Love to all
Gem x
I agree so much regarding the time. My husband still hasn't been sentenced and we are 2 years and 10 months on. It's been unbearable at times. Our barrister seems to think it'll help get a suspended sentence. It's such a weird situation that he was under investigation for so long with no restrictions on anything. He's on the register now since the Magistrates Court hearing but waiting for sentence from the Crown Court. Almost 3 years of my life tense, anxious and tired. And I've done nothing.
Oh Kls, Ann P all of us in this nightmare - I'm only 4 months post knock and there isn't a day go by when I don't contemplate the implications of this offence.
Maunsell calls them 'low hanging fruit' - the husband was certainly one of them. IIOC have proliferated on the internet - easily found via google and bing. He described it as 'like looking at a carcrash' and couldn't look away.
He's depressed, suicidal and feels like a monster - seeing the stopSO therapist (a huge burden on our limited income) he's confused as to why he went there - he's always and I mean ALWAYS (in our 40+years together) worked so hard to be a kind and moral man - to the point where he would not break a speed limit, would not stray off the permitted path, would always take the neighbour's bins up or help with the shopping. And then - with the time and opportunity and assumed privacy he strayed BIG time - but police look at evidence - not someone's fantasies or even mental health.
I'm doing the Inform course to help me understand why he went there but I'm feeling so SAD at the moment.
Maunsell calls them 'low hanging fruit' - the husband was certainly one of them. IIOC have proliferated on the internet - easily found via google and bing. He described it as 'like looking at a carcrash' and couldn't look away.
He's depressed, suicidal and feels like a monster - seeing the stopSO therapist (a huge burden on our limited income) he's confused as to why he went there - he's always and I mean ALWAYS (in our 40+years together) worked so hard to be a kind and moral man - to the point where he would not break a speed limit, would not stray off the permitted path, would always take the neighbour's bins up or help with the shopping. And then - with the time and opportunity and assumed privacy he strayed BIG time - but police look at evidence - not someone's fantasies or even mental health.
I'm doing the Inform course to help me understand why he went there but I'm feeling so SAD at the moment.
It was our one year last week too. Terrifying to think that so much time has gone. We were "lucky" in that the case was dealt with quickly and by October we had NFA. The sheer happiness I had was unreal! Little did I know NFA doesn't actually mean NFA. Social services haven't changed, so I still supervise all contact, and now the police have filed a civil order against my partner for a sexual risk order. 5 months of nothing after saying there wasn't evidence to charge, but now saying he's a risk and needs further restrictions placing on him. It will be more restrictive than his bail, even. I'm at the point of wondering if it will ever actually be over. Xx
for anyone bored and needs some some sleep give this a read, it’s a House of Commons debate on ‘released under investigation ‘ a few weeks ago. I started to read it but it does go on a bit (if the link does not work search online for ‘Hansard, released under investigation (Feb 2020))’