How to cope?
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Hello. Sorry if posting in wrong area, new to the forum. A family member received the knock and has since been charged and just sentenced. No prison time, but on the SOR for possessing images, and I have no idea how to cope with this. We were close before all of this, would've trusted him entirely. I have completely isolated myself because I know friends/our community know about it and I feel utterly overwhelmed being associated with this by being a family member. I feel for my family member in a way, but I also haven't let him see my own children since this all kicked off. How on earth do you go about navigating a situation like this?! Feeling utterly broken.
I dont know if there is a way to cope.. I am absolutely drowning in the pain in all of this. My brother is the offender. Years of inappropriate sexual contact and exchange of images with teens. I am.absolutely horrifed diagusted angry.. Our whole families lives have been turned upside down and we have been thrust into a life of rules and regulations (as he has 2 children).There are fall out all over the place because of this. Word is rapidly spreading through the town. He did the crime but i feel we are doing the time. I actually cannpt believe this is the life we now have. It is beyond devastating. I just feel this cloud is gonna hang over me forever .. i getting through with really good friends.. trying to go to the gym. I just wanted to reach out.
There's a lot of really helpful research linked in many posts on the forum - you should be able to find it by searching research - and if you haven't seen it might be worth having a read. I found it really helpful in understanding why and how this could have happened. Depending on circumstances/ nature of offence, there are some clear factors identified in research that contribute to viewing increasingly extreme images over time, including the way technology works (algorithms etc), neurodiversity, mental health, age when first exposed to porn etc. For online image offences the risk of reoffending are low and the risk of moving into contact offending even lower. Obviously this all depends on the nature of the offences and individual factors. But it has helped me understand it more and assess the risks for our family. Post sentence your family member will be risk assessed I believe (we're not at that stage yet). Perhaps you talk to them and have an open conversation about how you're feeling and your concerns? It's natural to have some reservations and knowing more might help you understand any risks and what is best. As for others perceptions, sadly a real consideration as so stigmatised and there's little understanding about different types of sexual offending and so everyone is tarred with same brush despite very different levels of offending and circumstances. We have friends who've pulled away not because they are concerned about any risks but about being associated with it.
