Sorry you find yourself here with the rest of us in the club we never wanted to join.

I found the helpline really useful and the support invaluable. The people I have spoken to have been really supportive and helpful and honestly, I don't think I could have got through this nightmare without them.

My DM is open if you need to chat x

I have thought the same. I rarely post anything now - I'm 14 months in from knock (My Son) and I feel that there is very little in way of support for families, the trauma and pain from this has massively affected my mental and physical health and sometimes I've actively thought of suicide as an escape from it. I felt that my online conversation that I reached out for was staged and exact wording in what is usually answered through Chat GPT which I use often. When I sit down and think about it though I know there's not a person on this planet that can make this better or mend my broken heart so maybe I was expecting a miracle - healing starts with yourself I find, I send you all my love ♥

I called the helpline in the early days and found them very helpful - sometimes it was just to speak to someone outside of the situation

I also had suicidal thoughts - rand the Samaritans once. The bloke in the other end didn't seem very interested and sounded like he was reading from a script

Then I found Talking Forward which is so good. I took part in on-line meetings with people in similar situations. I could speak freely and felt so supported by both the other attendees and those facilitating I would highly recommend them

Hello, I have rung the helpline 2-3 times and have to say I found them to be empathetic, supportive and non-judgemental. It really helped me. I hope that you do find the support you need

Sorry you find yourself a member of this club, I'm 9 months into this, I rang the helpline in the early days and was honestly traumatised by them, telling me such horrible things as if they were inevitabilities and keeping on going even when I was sobbing, I asked her why she was telling me all this, she said "to not sugar coat it and prepare me for the harsh realities" - my best friend literally had to pick me up off the floor. However, I found the inform course and Talking Forward to be incredible sources of support, and really helpful for my mental health. I'd recommend reaching out to your GP also if you haven't already, as antidepressants have been a lifeline for me. I hope the dark cloud starts to lift soon xx

I call the helpline on day two after the knock and the absolutely staggered by the lack of empathy and the high levels of judgment that are displayed.

I was told in no uncertain terms that despite what I know of my family and my husband he has done what he is being accused of so I should prepare myself for that.

I know my husband and in our situation I know exactly what we were doing at the time these alleged conversations have happened online. Luckily we have a good solicitor who has all this information and is already doing her work in the background.

The whole system around this area is geared towards presumptions of guilt right from the beginning. There is no accounting for the varying degrees and levels in terms of offending within this spear and everyone is treated the same in a process that casts you as guilty right from the outset.

Unfortunately due to the nature of these offences and allegations people don't speak up to challenge the unfairness of the system.

Every single part of the system expects you as the woman to leave your partner and almost punishes you for staying

Dear forum users,

Thank you for sharing your experience of using our helpline with other forum users, both the positive and the difficult ones. I am very sorry and saddened to hear that our service has not offered you the support you needed and, in some cases, has caused more distress. Please be assured this is not our intentions. We know that there is such limited support out there and our helpline should be a safe space that offers non-judgemental support and advice regardless of whether you choose to support your loved ones or not.

I would really appreciate to hear your feedback about your calls or chats you have had with us so that we can make improvements and ensure no one feels the same way as you did when you made contact. If you feel able to discuss, then please drop me an email egeorge@lucyfaithfull.org.uk, I would also be very happy to arrange a phone call with you if that would be easier or we can discuss over email.

If you would prefer to provide your feedback anonymously, you can email our anonymous email service here: https://contactus.stopitnow.org.uk/. I would be really interested to explore your calls or chats further, so any information you can give me about them would be helpful, such as time/date/name of person you spoke to etc.

Thank you for your time,

Emily George

Senior Helpline Manager

Hi Loula,

Please feel free to DM me if you want to chat through anything. I am also a sibling of an offender and I think our situation is quite different to both the mums and partners who mostly post on this forum.

Not only are we dealing with the grief of learning that our brothers are not who we thought them to be, but we are also caught up in complicated family dynamics and having to keep our boundaries while not causing more pain to our parents.

I have had many difficult conversations with my family and I expect more in the future. But I am a couple of years into this now and it has got better.

Do reach our if you want a listening ear.