How to find peace?
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Hi everyone.
I'm almost 6 months post knock. 6 months since my ex-partner was arrested and he has been held on remand since. Trial is next month. Although I'm functioning - seeing friends, working, going on holiday with my family - I also just feel like I'm always carrying this heavy sadness within me. I miss him more than I ever thought possible. I miss the life we had together and the future we had planned. Despite all I know now, the betrayal, deceit and the horrific things he has done. I still miss him. I've never felt so alone. Even with incredible family support, I feel abandoned in this mess he has created. Does it ever get any easier? I wish I could just switch off every feeling I have for him.
I'm almost 6 months post knock. 6 months since my ex-partner was arrested and he has been held on remand since. Trial is next month. Although I'm functioning - seeing friends, working, going on holiday with my family - I also just feel like I'm always carrying this heavy sadness within me. I miss him more than I ever thought possible. I miss the life we had together and the future we had planned. Despite all I know now, the betrayal, deceit and the horrific things he has done. I still miss him. I've never felt so alone. Even with incredible family support, I feel abandoned in this mess he has created. Does it ever get any easier? I wish I could just switch off every feeling I have for him.
I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say that I feel the same. The grief is constant, although heavier some days than others. xx
I feel every bit of your pain. That awful feeling hanging never leaves... im about 10 weeks post police raid of my brothers house. Wife and children present at the time. And i am drowning. I cant believe my brother is this person ... Never in a million years would I have thought this would land at my door. I have some really great friends who know and have been amazing. Other friends I have just told something awful has happened and life will never be the same. And people are like u feeling better yet.. I just feel this will never get better.I do not want a relationship or any contact with my brother as I cannot forgive what he has done to my mum my SIL and her childrens. But to ensure they dont go to a contact centre i do facilitate supervisions. I am sick to my stomach when i see him! So bloody angry! The ripple effect is massive! With so many fall outs between so many people. I hate this life and hate even more ive been thrust into it through no choice of my own.
Hey all.
I just wanted to say that whilst every situation is individual, I feel it does get easier. The knock came for our house in January 2017, and again in September 2023. I took him back the first time after separation (which turned out to be the worst mistake of my life). At that point I still loved him, missed him and was grieving the life we lived and planned. I wouldn't say I am fully over the grief, however I can now confidently say that I don't love him, don't miss him and feel nothing but contempt and anger towards him and all he continues to put his former family through for his own selfish and pathetic ends.
My advice would be, don't rush yourself. Allow yourself to feel, but don't let it consume you. Talk, where you need to and where you can. If you can't, consider ways to connect that are lower pressure - I used to sit in cafes with my book and headphones, just to be near people but not have the drain of having to connect. Prioritise self-care (yes, I have been in that dark place of self-harm, alcohol dependence and near complete inability to function), recognise your own unhealthy behaviours even if you can't stop them. Try very hard to accept the loss of control over your life, trusting that this won't last forever.
Above all, remember that despite society constantly reminding you otherwise, your situation is not of your doing. It can and will get better.
Sending love and strength x
I just wanted to say that whilst every situation is individual, I feel it does get easier. The knock came for our house in January 2017, and again in September 2023. I took him back the first time after separation (which turned out to be the worst mistake of my life). At that point I still loved him, missed him and was grieving the life we lived and planned. I wouldn't say I am fully over the grief, however I can now confidently say that I don't love him, don't miss him and feel nothing but contempt and anger towards him and all he continues to put his former family through for his own selfish and pathetic ends.
My advice would be, don't rush yourself. Allow yourself to feel, but don't let it consume you. Talk, where you need to and where you can. If you can't, consider ways to connect that are lower pressure - I used to sit in cafes with my book and headphones, just to be near people but not have the drain of having to connect. Prioritise self-care (yes, I have been in that dark place of self-harm, alcohol dependence and near complete inability to function), recognise your own unhealthy behaviours even if you can't stop them. Try very hard to accept the loss of control over your life, trusting that this won't last forever.
Above all, remember that despite society constantly reminding you otherwise, your situation is not of your doing. It can and will get better.
Sending love and strength x
I'm 4 years post knock.
I'm in a much better place than I thought I would be.
I'm happy and more importantly I'm content.
I feel nothing for him.
I'm better not bitter.
Life is too short for him to take up any space in my life or head.
I now feel things happen for a reason and my life is for living.
I'm in a much better place than I thought I would be.
I'm happy and more importantly I'm content.
I feel nothing for him.
I'm better not bitter.
Life is too short for him to take up any space in my life or head.
I now feel things happen for a reason and my life is for living.
