Custody Battle with ex - HELP!!
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I really need some advice from anyone who has been through something similar. Has anyone had to fight for custody/contact with an ex who is now on the sex offenders register?
My ex was recently sentenced after pleading guilty to 2 x offences involving online sexual communication with children along with an inciting offence. He received a suspended prison sentence, 10 years on the sex offenders register and a 5-year SHPO. There is currently no direct contact between us.
His mum was the supervisor until recently. She has told social services that she doesn’t believe my ex is a risk to children and apparently believes the police effectively “enticed” him into what happened, they stopped contact and are currently doing an assessment. I have indicated once a month contact in contact centre is what I feel comfortable at a push with.
He has now messaged me talking about being “proactive” about his relationship with our son and has suggested that, when restrictions allow, we look at a 3 days with him / 3 days with me arrangement.
I feel absolutely sick at the thought of this. I don’t believe he should have unsupervised care of our son, let alone 3 days at a time.
Has anyone actually had to fight this through the Family Court? What was your experience of the court’s approach when the other parent is on the sex offenders register? I’m feeling completely overwhelmed and would really appreciate some advice.
My ex was recently sentenced after pleading guilty to 2 x offences involving online sexual communication with children along with an inciting offence. He received a suspended prison sentence, 10 years on the sex offenders register and a 5-year SHPO. There is currently no direct contact between us.
His mum was the supervisor until recently. She has told social services that she doesn’t believe my ex is a risk to children and apparently believes the police effectively “enticed” him into what happened, they stopped contact and are currently doing an assessment. I have indicated once a month contact in contact centre is what I feel comfortable at a push with.
He has now messaged me talking about being “proactive” about his relationship with our son and has suggested that, when restrictions allow, we look at a 3 days with him / 3 days with me arrangement.
I feel absolutely sick at the thought of this. I don’t believe he should have unsupervised care of our son, let alone 3 days at a time.
Has anyone actually had to fight this through the Family Court? What was your experience of the court’s approach when the other parent is on the sex offenders register? I’m feeling completely overwhelmed and would really appreciate some advice.
My ex was very (domestically) abusive - (the reason I divorced) and he continually dragged us through court until they essentially barred it. However, despite a SS investigation, family courts generally don't give a sh** about women being abused as long she has left the abuser and so less exposure to the children - even if some behaviour around children is still questionable, they really promote the father. They draw a line at abuse of the courts. However, this was before any "knock" happened, so this is all new territory. But my point is - though they care little about domestic abuse, and really value a father relationship, they are still reluctant to give the father (in my exp) a lot of custody - unless you both want it. So add in thia as well! I think he is unlikley to get even close to what he wants if you don't want it (and the children are too young to have their wishes considered).
Highly unlikely a person who has been convicted of these types of crimes would be granted shared custody. Ask a solicitor?
I definitely don't want it, my son is 4, he doesn't understand. Occasionally mentions him but is really only bothered about what's in front of him - and when SS asked him to draw his family he didn't even consider him/draw him or mention him!!
They won't really consider his (son's) wants or wishes either way when it comes to custody at that age. They are actually very dismissive of it if the child says they don't want it and can really push it. They only consider it when closer to 12 iish. So unfortunatly that doean't really help atm - but father's like to say they want these things - doesn't mean they automatically get it (though normally ofc do get some) - but that's without these convictions. He is now in a much, much weaker position.
Have they said he is going to be allowed unsuoervised at some point - curious as we are not at charging yet?
Have they said he is going to be allowed unsuoervised at some point - curious as we are not at charging yet?
No one has said anything, we are still in the assessment period with social services. But it's his delusion that this is even an option and I should be planning for it, he has a nerve and I'm not just going to roll over and allow it. Words like spend time in my care, makes me sick.
He sounds controlling and so entitled - and dellusional like you say.
Probably trying to make you worry too when he has no reason to know it would even be likely to happen like that.
Probably trying to make you worry too when he has no reason to know it would even be likely to happen like that.
How would that work? If the SHPO is for no unsupervised.....how would this practically work? For him to have custody someone would have to supervise 24/7 and that person has to sleep, shower or use the bathroom when the child is there. It sounds like his parents aren't following an adequate safety plan already and your child is at an age where they don't understand the risks. My ex's SHPO doesn't allow overnights so having "custody" would breach his SHPO and land him in prison?!? What does ther probation officer or offender manager think about this?!?
I've not had any information or contact from his offending manager or SHPO contact (not sure if they are the same to be honest).
I asked the police for the details as the judge didn't read it out in court, our social worker is also trying to get the details.
He is talking about in 5 years when his SHPO is over. The fact he is even talking about makes me sick to my stomach
I asked the police for the details as the judge didn't read it out in court, our social worker is also trying to get the details.
He is talking about in 5 years when his SHPO is over. The fact he is even talking about makes me sick to my stomach
Ah, fortunately my ex's SHPO is the same period as their time on the register and extends after my child turns 18 so there wasn't a chance he'd ever be allowed unsupervised or custody/overnights even with relatives approved to supervise. So in 5years time your ex will not have a SHPO but still be on the register; your child will be settled and not have a relationship with him for a significant period. It's all about what is best for the child; I can't see social services, or a family court judge agreeing that it's in a child's best interest to award custody to a registered sex offender who by this point the child wont know.
for your child's own safety they'd need to be told what dad had done and why he was a risk which personally I found a really hard conversation. Its involvong kids into conversations they may not be emotionally mature enough for because you need to in order to keep them safe. Who will it fall to, to do this with your child?! I'd be very worried that he also doesn't seem to think he's done anything wrong or made any attempt to lower his reoffending risk through accountability, education, self improvement, support groups etc.
let him try, but also let him and others know that you have concerns for your child's safety and don't think it's in their best interest and as a protective parent you would be uncomfortable without any reassurance that there was an adequate safety plan in place.also that it's not your responsibility to do the safety plan as you won't know dad's situation or risks/triggers or their support network.
for your child's own safety they'd need to be told what dad had done and why he was a risk which personally I found a really hard conversation. Its involvong kids into conversations they may not be emotionally mature enough for because you need to in order to keep them safe. Who will it fall to, to do this with your child?! I'd be very worried that he also doesn't seem to think he's done anything wrong or made any attempt to lower his reoffending risk through accountability, education, self improvement, support groups etc.
let him try, but also let him and others know that you have concerns for your child's safety and don't think it's in their best interest and as a protective parent you would be uncomfortable without any reassurance that there was an adequate safety plan in place.also that it's not your responsibility to do the safety plan as you won't know dad's situation or risks/triggers or their support network.
