Explaining the offence to children
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At what age did you explain the offences their father committed and how did he explain it?
My daughter is 5 so too little to know IMO but my son is 8 and by the time my ex is out of prison he be 9 or nearly 9.
I've got to make arrangements for supervised contact. We have no family here so it has to be me (SS deem me "more than capable") but I am in a bit of a quandary about some of the logistical arrangements.
I can't and won't allow contact to take place at my home as I have neighbours who know who he is and what he has done and that makes me feel vulnerable. My landlord also doesn't want him in the building. I love my home and my landlord is fantastic so I'm not jeopardising that. The last thing the kids need is another house move.
I don't want to be seen in public with him (we live in a small Island community, it has been widely reported in the media and it is the kind of place where you can easily bump into 5 or 6 people you know wherever you go) - my worry is that by being seen with him the kids might be exposed to hearing some abuse towards him.
I have found an independent social worker who provides supervised contact in a private space. This would be ideal but a bit pricey (£45 per hour) but it is so far my best option.
I feel that I need to explain to the children at some stay why contact looks the way it does and that they need to know about the offences before they discover it from someone else (more likely with my son than my daughter at this stage).
Sso what and how did you explain to the children, and at what age?
Thanks xx
My daughter is 5 so too little to know IMO but my son is 8 and by the time my ex is out of prison he be 9 or nearly 9.
I've got to make arrangements for supervised contact. We have no family here so it has to be me (SS deem me "more than capable") but I am in a bit of a quandary about some of the logistical arrangements.
I can't and won't allow contact to take place at my home as I have neighbours who know who he is and what he has done and that makes me feel vulnerable. My landlord also doesn't want him in the building. I love my home and my landlord is fantastic so I'm not jeopardising that. The last thing the kids need is another house move.
I don't want to be seen in public with him (we live in a small Island community, it has been widely reported in the media and it is the kind of place where you can easily bump into 5 or 6 people you know wherever you go) - my worry is that by being seen with him the kids might be exposed to hearing some abuse towards him.
I have found an independent social worker who provides supervised contact in a private space. This would be ideal but a bit pricey (£45 per hour) but it is so far my best option.
I feel that I need to explain to the children at some stay why contact looks the way it does and that they need to know about the offences before they discover it from someone else (more likely with my son than my daughter at this stage).
Sso what and how did you explain to the children, and at what age?
Thanks xx
My children still dont fully know my husbands offence. They were 4 and 6 at the time of his arrest. When we had to have contact at his home and he was not allowed unsupervised contact they were told the basics. He had done something naughty on the computer so now we have certain rules to keep everyone safe. It was enough for them to understand but not too much information that it frazzled them. X
Thanks for the reply Sally Blue.
I have used the "done something silly on the internet" explanation and that has just about covered it for now. How old are your children now and at what stage will you give them a fuller explanation?
Thank you again
I have used the "done something silly on the internet" explanation and that has just about covered it for now. How old are your children now and at what stage will you give them a fuller explanation?
Thank you again
They are now 9 and 11. They haven't asked anything about it. Its almost as if the have forgotten or just dont want to ask. I'm not sure when we will tell them more but for now it's enough x
Thank you. My eldest tries to press me all thr time to know why his Dad is in prison, so I at some point will need to I think :(
Sjp88 have you spoken with Families Outside? If not I highly recommend getting in touch. They have booklets and other resources to help x
Hi there
I am also from a small community and my children are now 11, 9 and 7. I am happy to chat on mumsnet. My name is Pringle1 on there. We are just over a year down the line and their father is in prison for images.
I am also from a small community and my children are now 11, 9 and 7. I am happy to chat on mumsnet. My name is Pringle1 on there. We are just over a year down the line and their father is in prison for images.