My dad was ‘stung’ and I have no idea how to process it all
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Hi everyone,
god this is a relief to find that this exists. Saying my dad sounds like I'm 12. I'm 36 and 4 weeks ago I got a call from children's services saying to make sure my baby doesn't have unsupervised time with my dad, his grandad. They didn't give many details and I was prepared to hear from my dad and get to the bottom of it. His phone was off, he'd been arrested and the next day I googled his name and town of residence and found the shock! He had been talking to a 14 year old girl for several months with some sexually explicit conversation and sending of clothed but suggestive images. The girl was not a girl but an online decoy who had been posing as this girl for all this time.
He had been arrested, I watch the police arrive at his house in the video. I have seen hundreds of comments detailing their disgust and hatred towards him...fair enough. It feels like I'm watching a film and then I realise that's my dad.
He eventually called me after being released, a completely broken man full of sorrys and beating himself up. He doesn't know why he did it...it was only her...he's never looked at child pornograohy. I don't know what to believe. He did say that he liked the attention when I pushed and pushed as to why. The communication has been going on since the beginning of the year which is when we told him he'd be a grandad...I wonder if he struggled with this idea
so what do I do now? We have a newborn baby who feels so precious but my dad was able to sexualise and flirt with a child.
Does it matter that it was a sting and there was no actual girl? According to the commenters it doesn't matter. I've found myself checking the comments every other day. Seeing people's justified distain but also checking that his address etc isn't being shared. It feels like a cruel cruel medium but one that clearly is exposing lots of these people.
a part of me feels the need to cut him off and say he can't be a part of our lives but the other part is terrified he's going to be hurt or hurt himself and so I should support him. My dad is on his own and I have helped him out many many times over the years so it feels hard to not go into that mode.
has anyone been in a similar situation? It's truly overwhelming. Any experiences or guidance would be much appreciated.
apologies for the ramble...I broke down when I found out and then put a lid on it and this is the first time engaging with it since.
god this is a relief to find that this exists. Saying my dad sounds like I'm 12. I'm 36 and 4 weeks ago I got a call from children's services saying to make sure my baby doesn't have unsupervised time with my dad, his grandad. They didn't give many details and I was prepared to hear from my dad and get to the bottom of it. His phone was off, he'd been arrested and the next day I googled his name and town of residence and found the shock! He had been talking to a 14 year old girl for several months with some sexually explicit conversation and sending of clothed but suggestive images. The girl was not a girl but an online decoy who had been posing as this girl for all this time.
He had been arrested, I watch the police arrive at his house in the video. I have seen hundreds of comments detailing their disgust and hatred towards him...fair enough. It feels like I'm watching a film and then I realise that's my dad.
He eventually called me after being released, a completely broken man full of sorrys and beating himself up. He doesn't know why he did it...it was only her...he's never looked at child pornograohy. I don't know what to believe. He did say that he liked the attention when I pushed and pushed as to why. The communication has been going on since the beginning of the year which is when we told him he'd be a grandad...I wonder if he struggled with this idea
so what do I do now? We have a newborn baby who feels so precious but my dad was able to sexualise and flirt with a child.
Does it matter that it was a sting and there was no actual girl? According to the commenters it doesn't matter. I've found myself checking the comments every other day. Seeing people's justified distain but also checking that his address etc isn't being shared. It feels like a cruel cruel medium but one that clearly is exposing lots of these people.
a part of me feels the need to cut him off and say he can't be a part of our lives but the other part is terrified he's going to be hurt or hurt himself and so I should support him. My dad is on his own and I have helped him out many many times over the years so it feels hard to not go into that mode.
has anyone been in a similar situation? It's truly overwhelming. Any experiences or guidance would be much appreciated.
apologies for the ramble...I broke down when I found out and then put a lid on it and this is the first time engaging with it since.
I'm so sorry you find yourself here
My kids were adults when their father was arrested. The eldest cut all contact immediately. The younger one took a while but now has no contact.
I respect their decisions
One of the factors was if either were to have children then they wouldn't let their father have any contact
Do you have any other family support?
My kids were adults when their father was arrested. The eldest cut all contact immediately. The younger one took a while but now has no contact.
I respect their decisions
One of the factors was if either were to have children then they wouldn't let their father have any contact
Do you have any other family support?
Sorry you find yourself in this hell... It is a living hell. You will find the bulk of my story in the welcome group post.
Unfortunately for me it was years of chatting and pics sent and received by my brother. I have decided that i want nothing to do with him but he has 2 young children. Who absolutely adore their dad and to ensure they dont have to go to a contact centre i will do supervised visits. As no one else will do them.
The stress and grief of knowing that the person u love and trusted is capable of this kind of thing is an absolute mind f@£k The grief is completly overwhelming. Life for me would deffo be so much easier if i could just walk away completly. I know it doesnt add much advice to ur situation but know ur not alone.
Dms are always open.
Unfortunately for me it was years of chatting and pics sent and received by my brother. I have decided that i want nothing to do with him but he has 2 young children. Who absolutely adore their dad and to ensure they dont have to go to a contact centre i will do supervised visits. As no one else will do them.
The stress and grief of knowing that the person u love and trusted is capable of this kind of thing is an absolute mind f@£k The grief is completly overwhelming. Life for me would deffo be so much easier if i could just walk away completly. I know it doesnt add much advice to ur situation but know ur not alone.
Dms are always open.
I agree Loula - when it is a partner I think it's easier to walk away. My over riding feelings towards my ex husband is indifference. I've moved in and he can no longer influence my life
But I wonder how it has and will affect my children
Same those that offend only think of themselves and not what it will do to their family. So selfish.
But I wonder how it has and will affect my children
Same those that offend only think of themselves and not what it will do to their family. So selfish.
