Advice Needed
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So you may or may not know my story. I won't go into too many details except that my ex is not the father of my kids and we are no longer together. However, I still love and care about him and worry about his mental state. It's almost a year since the knock. It's destroyed him and hurt my kids. However, he is now no longer able to see his own children. I stay out of that but it's hurting him so much. He is at a loss as to what to do. Is there anything he can do legally or can the mother of his children simply stop him now? I've advised him he needs to fight to see them. Legally. He is just lost. He is and was never ever a threat to children. Saying that, I don't allow him to see my own. But that's because I know my kids Dad will go for custody. I love my ex and I'm so worried about him
He's had no follow up checks on his mental well-being. Nothing. It's outrageous how he's been left. He still works and carries on. But it's killing him that he can't see his daughter. Please can anyone advise on what he can do? If anything?
He is on extended conditional bail not to set foot in my or his children's streets which he has never broken.
Any advice will be appreciated. He is due to see someone in May regarding being charged or not. My heart hurts for him, my kids who had a good relationship with him. His children who are missing out on their Dad and for him who is suffering so much. Thank you for reading.
He's had no follow up checks on his mental well-being. Nothing. It's outrageous how he's been left. He still works and carries on. But it's killing him that he can't see his daughter. Please can anyone advise on what he can do? If anything?
He is on extended conditional bail not to set foot in my or his children's streets which he has never broken.
Any advice will be appreciated. He is due to see someone in May regarding being charged or not. My heart hurts for him, my kids who had a good relationship with him. His children who are missing out on their Dad and for him who is suffering so much. Thank you for reading.
I am also interested in what response you get to this. My partner has not seen his kids for nearly three years! He did pay to go to court about a year ago but before sentencing and the best the courts would do is make is ex wife provide monthly updates on the kids. He has no direct contact with his children. His ex won't allow any contact and my understanding is the court couldn't enforce an arrangement for even supervised contact centre because my partner didn't have an assessment of risk, which would not be until sentencing.
He was sentenced in aug last year and now saving up to go back to the courts to request supervised visitation rights. Unfortunately for each new case to family courts it costs each time, about 200-300 quid. He has tried to do mediation with his wife (this was a legal requirement the first time when taking her to court) but she never turned up.
We are hoping once he pays for court they will agree to visitation and over time do day trips with a responsible person (me or his mum). It is very difficult when his wife isn't co operative. I am interested to hear from those who have fought for their kids not to see their father. I would like to know if there is a chnace my partner will never get the right to see them if their mum puts up a fight. I am hoping the courts are pragmatic and see that the kids should have some sort of contact with their father, especially since he isn't a threat (online only offence). And he has done all the rehab available and will be on a course arranged by probation on reconnecting with his kids.
On support, has your partner done the course by LF? My partner really benefitted from it. Other than that not sure other than self help. Unfortunately mental health services are so stretched. I have an OCD related disorder I am trying to get help to manage but I'm too low risk to be signed up yet.
He was sentenced in aug last year and now saving up to go back to the courts to request supervised visitation rights. Unfortunately for each new case to family courts it costs each time, about 200-300 quid. He has tried to do mediation with his wife (this was a legal requirement the first time when taking her to court) but she never turned up.
We are hoping once he pays for court they will agree to visitation and over time do day trips with a responsible person (me or his mum). It is very difficult when his wife isn't co operative. I am interested to hear from those who have fought for their kids not to see their father. I would like to know if there is a chnace my partner will never get the right to see them if their mum puts up a fight. I am hoping the courts are pragmatic and see that the kids should have some sort of contact with their father, especially since he isn't a threat (online only offence). And he has done all the rehab available and will be on a course arranged by probation on reconnecting with his kids.
On support, has your partner done the course by LF? My partner really benefitted from it. Other than that not sure other than self help. Unfortunately mental health services are so stretched. I have an OCD related disorder I am trying to get help to manage but I'm too low risk to be signed up yet.
No he hasn't yet. He hasn't sought legal advice. He really hasn't a clue what to do. I'm sorry your other half is going through this too. She has cut off all contact with his family too so I cannot see how she is acting in the best interest of their children.
So does he need to actually be sentenced to be given a risk assessment? That's possibly two years before last contact. Can he get an advocate or something? Surely during this time, supervised contact should be allowed? It's just how to go about this. It's all so awful. I think he wants to see the outcome once his extended bail is over as he is completely at a loss. He maintained his innocence completely. Despite knowing he is supported even if not.
I understand wanting to protect the children, as I have, however I cannot comprehend how complete non contact is seemed to be in their best interests.
So does he need to actually be sentenced to be given a risk assessment? That's possibly two years before last contact. Can he get an advocate or something? Surely during this time, supervised contact should be allowed? It's just how to go about this. It's all so awful. I think he wants to see the outcome once his extended bail is over as he is completely at a loss. He maintained his innocence completely. Despite knowing he is supported even if not.
I understand wanting to protect the children, as I have, however I cannot comprehend how complete non contact is seemed to be in their best interests.
I think if a private risk assessment is done that can help? My partner reached out to a visitation centre and were sympathetic to his situation but said they couldn't do anything until approval from the courts. The courts were not comfortable with enforcing visitation until sentencing or without an assessment. The system is in the wrong order really. People should be assessed sooner if kids are involved. The best they could do for my partner was to enforce emails each month on updates. My partner ex wife said in the past she would think more about it after sentencing but I think she was hoping for a prison sentence.
My partner also has little fight in him at times. He can't afford legal advice each time and it feels like every time he saves up to go back to court something else crops up. He has been paying child support and send presents to the kids. But we never know if they know the gifts are from him.
Your ex might have better luck putting it to the family courts toget the process going. He might get a better deal than my partner. Mine represented himself I will admit. So a lawyer might be useful. But It is not necessary.
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My partner also has little fight in him at times. He can't afford legal advice each time and it feels like every time he saves up to go back to court something else crops up. He has been paying child support and send presents to the kids. But we never know if they know the gifts are from him.
Your ex might have better luck putting it to the family courts toget the process going. He might get a better deal than my partner. Mine represented himself I will admit. So a lawyer might be useful. But It is not necessary.
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Thank you for your reply. Do you have any idea how he would go about getting a private risk assessment? He isn't after unsupervised contact, he has plenty of family members who would supervise contact. At present he has no idea where the children are as it's rumoured they had moved. This is really breaking him apart. He does continue day to day and I thank goodness that he still has his work to keep him going and focused. He tells me he still provides child support. All i can do is advise him as it's a delicate situation for me to having my own children and they come first. Hence, and sadly, our relationship is now over. However, I will support him as much as I can, albeit from the sidelines now sadly. I know he's not a threat but will not take the risk with my own children. However, if he was the father of my children, I would put their well-being first and I believe supervised contact would be in their best interests. I don't judge the mother of his children, however I do feel for his children who have abruptly been torn from his life. And of course I feel so much for him.
I think LF can provide an assessment or at least they can advise. Sorry I can't be much help. But when my partner has gone back to the family courts I will provide an update here or somewhere in the forum.
What a horrendous position to be in - and so, so sad for the children. However it strikes me that even fathers who have committed no offence can be stuck in this awful predicament with no access to their children, if the ex wife/partner is uncooperative or just obstructive. (Apologies for the dampener).
Thank you majestic. You have been very helpful. Turkey, yes. He hasn't been charged and may well not be. However it seems the mother isn't acting in the child's best interests. I try not to judge but it's not an action I would have chosen. For them. Thank you both for replies. I think I'll call the helpline shortly. I do worry about his mental health if he is charged. He's coping now but I feel an element of that is hope.
Tutley even. Damn autotext.