Alone and struggling
Notifications OFF
It's been almost two years since I found CSAM on my ex's laptop. He was sentanced a month ago. He admitted to it going on for years and enjoying "the thrill".
I was doing well coming to terms with the fact that the perosn I knew for almost 7 years wasn't real. Since he was sentacned I now realise that all everything was a lie and how many times he was actually doing it infront of me and I never knew. All the programming he showed me was him accessing the dark web. The locked files that he told me where to "store animations he made" All the times he "went to bed early to play on his phone" while I was up late. I believe he was getting read to take it off line when I found his "stash" - Found isn't the right word. It was right there, he'd got so used to it that he wasn't even trying to hide it in the end.
He's got 10 years on the SOR, 10 year SHPO, some court fees and 180 hours of community service, but in reality his life hasn't changed at all except for a few ristictions on his internet usage.
Meanwhile, I can't face going to work, I'm dreading going back to my Cub pack this week beacuse I also put them a risk, never mind my family. I've been refered to talking therapies by my GP and I've done the assement, I have PTSD and it's a 7-8 month wait to get the basic CBT support from NHS and a 2 year wait for the PTSD CBT. I'm struggling so much and I can't seem to get support. No one I know has gone through anything similar to sign post me to either.
I just need some help and I can't seem to get it.
I was doing well coming to terms with the fact that the perosn I knew for almost 7 years wasn't real. Since he was sentacned I now realise that all everything was a lie and how many times he was actually doing it infront of me and I never knew. All the programming he showed me was him accessing the dark web. The locked files that he told me where to "store animations he made" All the times he "went to bed early to play on his phone" while I was up late. I believe he was getting read to take it off line when I found his "stash" - Found isn't the right word. It was right there, he'd got so used to it that he wasn't even trying to hide it in the end.
He's got 10 years on the SOR, 10 year SHPO, some court fees and 180 hours of community service, but in reality his life hasn't changed at all except for a few ristictions on his internet usage.
Meanwhile, I can't face going to work, I'm dreading going back to my Cub pack this week beacuse I also put them a risk, never mind my family. I've been refered to talking therapies by my GP and I've done the assement, I have PTSD and it's a 7-8 month wait to get the basic CBT support from NHS and a 2 year wait for the PTSD CBT. I'm struggling so much and I can't seem to get support. No one I know has gone through anything similar to sign post me to either.
I just need some help and I can't seem to get it.
Have you tried Talking Forward? I attended online meetings with people in the same situation - and facilitated by people who know what they are talking about. It helped so much and made me feel less alone.
I ended up getting counselling through SSAFA due to a military connection as there was nothing on the NHS. I saw a local counsellor but found out I could have seen her privately. I know there is a cost which puts it out of some people's range.
I ended up getting counselling through SSAFA due to a military connection as there was nothing on the NHS. I saw a local counsellor but found out I could have seen her privately. I know there is a cost which puts it out of some people's range.
Sakura
I also did the inform course which put me in touch with some other peers in the same situation who I keep in touch with as a little therapy group.
Do you have a good support system? I found telling one or two close people the full story, but most people in my wider support group just know my ex was "messing around online" so they know why we split (infidelity; which it is and that I can't trust him) with the rise in the cases like Gisele Pelicot and the other horrific websites encouraging sexual violence against women most people assume or know the deprived depths of the internet that exist I have also hinted that his online behaviour worried me. This usually gets the correct "vibe" and level of understanding without fully disclosing my ex's crimes.
Ive found other single and divorced women in social groups tend to gravitate and support each other. Have you tried a fitness class (great for mental health) or something like a gardening or craft group? Something that you're using as "me time" hat might also have the other benefits.
It is so hard to get over something like this but I like to think that nothing can be as hard as day 1 when I found out. I've survived that and the memory of that day is slowly getting less painful. So I'm hoping that the after effects will also slowly fade too.
I also did the inform course which put me in touch with some other peers in the same situation who I keep in touch with as a little therapy group.
Do you have a good support system? I found telling one or two close people the full story, but most people in my wider support group just know my ex was "messing around online" so they know why we split (infidelity; which it is and that I can't trust him) with the rise in the cases like Gisele Pelicot and the other horrific websites encouraging sexual violence against women most people assume or know the deprived depths of the internet that exist I have also hinted that his online behaviour worried me. This usually gets the correct "vibe" and level of understanding without fully disclosing my ex's crimes.
Ive found other single and divorced women in social groups tend to gravitate and support each other. Have you tried a fitness class (great for mental health) or something like a gardening or craft group? Something that you're using as "me time" hat might also have the other benefits.
It is so hard to get over something like this but I like to think that nothing can be as hard as day 1 when I found out. I've survived that and the memory of that day is slowly getting less painful. So I'm hoping that the after effects will also slowly fade too.
