It's been almost two years since I found CSAM on my ex's laptop. He was sentanced a month ago. He admitted to it going on for years and enjoying "the thrill".

I was doing well coming to terms with the fact that the perosn I knew for almost 7 years wasn't real. Since he was sentacned I now realise that all everything was a lie and how many times he was actually doing it infront of me and I never knew. All the programming he showed me was him accessing the dark web. The locked files that he told me where to "store animations he made" All the times he "went to bed early to play on his phone" while I was up late. I believe he was getting read to take it off line when I found his "stash" - Found isn't the right word. It was right there, he'd got so used to it that he wasn't even trying to hide it in the end.

He's got 10 years on the SOR, 10 year SHPO, some court fees and 180 hours of community service, but in reality his life hasn't changed at all except for a few ristictions on his internet usage.

Meanwhile, I can't face going to work, I'm dreading going back to my Cub pack this week beacuse I also put them a risk, never mind my family. I've been refered to talking therapies by my GP and I've done the assement, I have PTSD and it's a 7-8 month wait to get the basic CBT support from NHS and a 2 year wait for the PTSD CBT. I'm struggling so much and I can't seem to get support. No one I know has gone through anything similar to sign post me to either.

I just need some help and I can't seem to get it.